1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. A Letter to Other Women from the Girlfriend He Hides

A Letter to Other Women from the Girlfriend He Hides

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Nov 30 - 9AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

A Letter to Other Women from the Girlfriend He Hides

I wish there was a way to warn other women about my N BF with whom I have actually lived for the last 2 years.

I am aware of 2 'affairs' he has had during our relationship, numerous internet chats and emails exchanged with others and his porn addiction too...and I have been informed by a coworker that he works with,... about how my N BF pretends to be single and available with certain women at work...and how he has cultivated the impression of being " Mr. Great Guy" (one of his pretend personas) with all the ladies...

When I read some of the stories here about some of you who find out only too late that the N 'great guy'you have been seeing/dating...has a girlfriend...I actually wonder if there is one of you who has known my N BF after all! And that I am the girlfriend.

Yes! believe me, he HAS a girlfriend!!! He just doesn't want other women to know about me...after three years together and his talk of marriage with me...he still secretly 'keeps his options open'. He actually was going to post the U2 music video on his facebook titled "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"...until I told him that if he did that...I was definately done that minute!

When I met him 3 years ago...and he swept me off my feet with amazing feets of romance and overwhelming attentiveness...he actually was hiding a GF from ME...and I did NOT know. He also was occaisionally going over for sex with his ex-GF that he told me he had broken up with over 6 months before I ever came along. I never knew he actually continued to see other women the first months of our relationship bliss...How did he ever find the time? We were inseparable and together every moment we were NOT working...It is amazing all the ways and times he found to cheat and sexually act out.

No matter how much attention, affection, great sex and endless validation he gets from me...it is never enough, and he always cultivates more 'supply' of attention and recognition from others...especially women.

I wish I could help spare other women from getting involved with him where they end up hurt, abused, lied to cheated on...and feeling damaged in the aftermath of knowing him. I wish I could somehow let them know the things I did not know at first, and IF I HAD known...would have made me RUN the other way as fast as possible...facts like...not only is he an amazingly convincing, manipulative liar/cheat...but that he has quite a track record of abuse and arrests for violence..even been declared by the Minister of Justice that he is 'unstable' and violent, a danger to 'certain persons' which include me, his ex-wife and his own two young sons. He also has a record for child abuse and violence towards his own 2 sons. When I met him...there were NO signs he was like any of this...NON at all...for over a year...

I look at this professional appearing, CHARMING, handsome, intelligent,educated 'great guy'...that he seems to be...and it still dumfounds me how the truth of what he is is so different from his 'appearance and superficial behavior'. He has a record of being arrested for beating his ex-wife black and blue from her neck to her tailbone while she cradled their newborn son in her arms and tried to shield him with her own body. He was even tried in court for this. He has beaten his mother, ex-wife, past GF's, sons, and ME...

And when you meet him...and even date him...you will NOT know these truths about him...not for a long time and until he has you 'hooked'.

Wish I could give his name, or even find a way to communicate with his next prey and help her from becoming his next victim.

My N BF is lethal...to the body, heart, mind and spirit. He is destructive...all the while he is destroying you...he is doing it with a charming smile...

In case you are wondering...he DOES have a girlfriend...

...I wish it wasn't ME!

Dec 3 - 7AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Girlfriend

Are you still the girlfriend of this guy? And you want to write a letter to another woman with whom he is cheating, or trying to cheat? If this is the situation, I'd say: Forget worrying about her. Worry about saving yourself further pain. Maybe he's being honest when he says he doesn't have a girlfriend. Even if he lives with a woman & they have a relationship that the livein believes makes her a girlfriend -- well maybe in his mind she's not "the girlfriend" he really wants but she's useful to help pay the rent & for a cuddle & to do things with when nobody else is available. And when he finds the woman who fulfills the bill for "the girlfriend he deserves"-he'll discard the roommate with benefits.
Dec 3 - 6AM
Cgrl
Cgrl's picture

ladies ladies

Seriously think about this for a minute... If someone would have told you would you have believed it- remember how they are in the beginning. Do you read the boards here? Do you see how others were treated when they warned the new chick about him? He will change it up. Make her believe you are bitter, crazy, obsessed with him. No win situation really. She will ONLY seek you out after the fact. She is brainwashed right now and really are you not dealing with enough drama just trying to get over this. We can't save them. We couldn't save ourselves at the time. We are not equipted to recognize this and neither are they. You doing something from your heart will be seen As malice. Post about him like Barbara has suggested. They will not believe you and will haunt you. If you want to do anything for them, be there for them when their world crashes and offer them this site to heal. I was warned. He convinced me she was jealous, bitter and vindictive. When this happened to me the first person I contacted was her and apologized for what I had said to her. She tried to protect me. I was a stranger to her. Today we are friends. I did not see it. Either will the new chick.
Dec 3 - 7AM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

telling the new victim

"Many of those who did not try to check out his stories, said they should have, and wish they had, as the information they would have gotten may have helped them to make a better choice. There were some women in the survey who were told in great detail about his violent and parasitic behavior. The pathological had his own convincing explanation about every disturbing description of him. Unfortunately, women don’t believe other women when they tell about abuse from the male partner. A lesson learned is that the other woman may have something to say worth hearing and considering. “How I wish I would have at least tried to contact others. I might not be in the shape I am today trying to recover from what I’ve been through. If anyone ever contacts me, I’ll definitely tell her the truth!” “I thought she was biased! She was and rightfully so. I needed to hear what she had to say…I wish I had.” Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS" If the new victim is in the luring, grooming, hypnosis-brainwashing phase... the only one who will get hurt is you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Dec 3 - 5AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Wish She had told me

I found another post on the message board about the OW who was debatling whether to tell the N's girlfriend about his cheating ways. Take it from this 'girlfriend'...I wish I had known and that when the gals he cheated with found out about me that they would have told me...it would have spared me that much more time with him...having definitive knowledge of what you 'suspect'...and he denies...would have helped me get unstuck. The TRUTH shall set you freee...right...tell her! Post on all those 'don'datehimgirl' and womansaver type websites with his real name and what he did. You would be helping her and other women to expose him.
Dec 3 - 6AM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

do not use

Womansavers is not a recommended site by us. We do not recommend you use it. http://www.enpsychopedia.org/index.php/womansavers ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Nov 30 - 11AM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I hear ya

well I was the OTHER GF so to speak, and I wish I could have told his live in girlfriend what he does, mine was the same, dangerous and lethal, he was a sheriff so I think that prevented him from physical abuse but if he could have I am sure he would have no problem inflicting some pain. Yes they smile and charm you at the same time they are destroying you, mine looks like a poster boy for community service, such a nice guy, great guy, will help anyone he can, good son, good worker on the force sergeant mind you, but they have this little hobby pass time of destroying women, emotionally and physically raping them, promising them the world then taking their world from them, They all have more than one GF, they juggle them around to fit their needs and schedules, trust me they will screw a victim in their sleep if they have to, they find the time. They dont have GF, they have victims, everyone in their lives are victims, used, abused, betrayed lied to, and cheated on, we are all the same to them.
Nov 30 - 9AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

girlfriend of dr jekyll

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/10/30/anonymous-letter-writing-thread And post him on ALL the exposure sites. then do NOTHING. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Nov 30 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Thanks for the Info Barbara

Thanks for the post and info Barbara.