a letter to myself. Part of healing

a letter to myself...part of healing that helped today

Dear Stayingstrong,

I know right now that you are scared and feel lost. I know that the amount of pain you are in feels unbearable. I know that loosing your unborn twins, your boyfriends 2 year old, your P/S/N boyfriend and your job all in 6 months feels like more than anyone should bear. I know you are scared to feel your feelings. I know that right now you are afraid of the deep depression that you think you may go into if you stop and allow yourself to grieve it all. I promise you one day this will all make sense. I promise you that you aren't going through this in vain. I promise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I promise you that you will get there. You have all the tools, remember to use them. Don't use alcohol, work or other men as a way to escape. Please have patience with yourself, you are going through a huge emotional growing spurt. Reach out and connect to people when you need help..you are worth it. I promise you that the pain will lessen each day. I promise you that the worst of it is over. If you need to cry, let yourself...not matter where you are at. Don't hold back tears for other peoples comfort. Be open, don't allow yourself to stay secluded in your pain. Once again, I promise you the pain will lessen each day. Take the time to learn to trust your instincts again, they are beautiful. One day you will use this pain and turn it around. Remember how resilient you are. Use where you are right now as a tool to further your empathy and compassion for others. Fall in love with yourself. Remember who you are. Allow God to heal you. Don't hide. Don't say that you are okay when you are not. It is so brave to share. Stay in the arena. I know how bad this hurts right now. I know you thought you were his soulmate, special and different. I know that believing that helped heal the childhood wounds you had that your were not loveable or important...and I know when he took it all away by revealing his mask that those wounds became deeper.. You have the chance to now heal those mistaken beliefs about yourself. I am sorry you had to be so hurt to remember that healing those wounds is a part of your journey. Please know that karma is inevitable.. and you have to do nothing to have justice. Please stop thinking that connecting to him will bring you closure. It won't. He banks on keeping you uncertain and imbalanced so he can continue to take from you. Even if you has New Supply at the moment, keeping you in a state of imbalance keeps you around for back up supply. Remember that. I know it hurts but you have to be the one to never allow yourself to be manipulated again.... You are getting there, I promise. Once again, I know that one day this will all make sense. Pray to god when you need him...he is there always

Love,

My older self