A letter to myself

Please don't cry. I know that you can't see it now but I assure you things will get better.
You were too good for him. He doesn't deserve you. I know you don't believe it but its true. Let me line up the reasons why...
You are a very successful career woman, already completely self sufficient at only 33 years old.
You have two beautiful, smart children who make you smile in awe of how wonderful they are.
You have a loving family who has supported you through this most recent trouble in every way possible.
You are a good, beautiful woman... I know you don't think so, but that is because of the constant devaluations disguised as jokes that you have had to endure.
You are at your healthiest weight since high school, finally at a healthy BMI... the fact that you have no appetite probably contributed a bit.

But for these reasons you are a catch... remember that was what he told you when he met you. That he wouldn't give up... and he didn't, until he had you.

And for the following reasons he is not good enough for you...
He smoked pot on a daily basis and lied to you about it. Even when you got suspicious he would brush you off and change the subject.
He may have been good-looking when you met, but the pot munchies had taken over and his body surely showed it +40 lbs. Remember what he looked like at the end not in the beginning.
He didn't work until 6 months into the relationship when you finally convinced him to apply at a temp agency. This landed him his job of leasing apartments.
After he landed his job he defriended you on facebook and you started seeing him less and less. This was when the really bad treatment began...as he was already looking to replace you. Remember that the bad treatment was not because of something you did.
The only thing that you still loved at the end of this was the fairytale (wedding and home) that he sold you at the beginning...that he said he wanted... but none of it was true... think about it...could someone who throws temper tantrums on a regular basis at the littlest things actually be a good husband?
Remember all of the women before you... how he told you that he had to "pretend" with them. That's what you could tell he was doing with you after 6 months, right??? So remember that neither you or any of the previous women have a problem... this is all on him.
He can have your best friend...they are both scum buckets. After he started a fight with you so that he could go on a cruise with her, then at a bar with both of them a few weeks later your friend enjoyed telling you about the threesome that she had on the cruise. Now you know why he was smiling so big. They are both LOSERS
Really, he had to beat you down so that you would stay with him... if he had told you the truth about who he was in the beginning then you wouldn't have called him back that day. Nobody would have.
He needed you to brag on to his family and others... in order to look good, but he never got comfortable because he knew he brought nothing to the table.
This man took you away from your husband with promises of marriage... and when the divorce was final his tune completely changed.

So there you have it... he knows he is SCUM. You know he is SCUM. He knew you were great... and now you must also know.
Please stop dwelling on the WHAT IFS and imaging how he was getting his rocks off with two other women on a cruise while you were desperately trying to contact him.
This man is a sociopath. Just like you see on TV but the non-famous version.
He is doomed to repeat the same behaviors OVER and OVER again. You were only #10 of 30.
Please know that you will not be single forever... I know that singlehood scares you but it shouldn't. You are still young. You are still a catch!
Please you must move on and not let him have one more second of your time, because it is precious and fleeting.

Learn from this experience... and when you are feeling down in the dumps remember that by initiating NO CONTACT, you had the last word.
You told him that you now know that you are and have always been too good for him.