The letter I wrote to N a while back..so glad it's over!! NC NC NC :) Happy Monday!

I feel so much better today!! Refreshed...!! I deleted everything I had of his online and in my phone. Before I deleted..I had to share the letter I wrote to the N a while back. ...he never cared about feelings, didn't care how I was feeling..I gave this to him and he never said a word..didn't even respond. This was written after he thought I was "ow" texting him....Of course when I wrote this, I had hoped he would say sorry, or at least respond...he never did. So, in remembering all of this and realizing he will never change...I am feeling so free today. The silence and void don't even hurt this morning!
I am staying NC, and today I feel great!!
Hugs to everyone!
See letter below.

First and foremost, thank you for offering to take me to the concert. It’s weird though, I felt like you were almost hoping I would say I couldn’t go. I do appreciate it, and I know you have been trying to give me a “little more you”. But…when I was home last …I did hear you…you said you’re a busy guy, but that you give me those little chats and such because you know I like it….I feel like you are forcing yourself to give me a little more of you. It shouldn't be forced, it should come natural.
I guess just to break it down; I want you to see where I am at with my thoughts and feelings:
When you thought I was OW textingyou... I saw the “old you”…I saw you being so nice to her, and offering her things that you used to do for me…some of those things…:
· How are you feeling
· Can I bring you donuts, do you need me to go get you any meds.
· I’ll come pick you up
· I’ll give you 200 to gamble with
· We can hang out all night and do breakfast
The way you talked to her, is the way you used to talk to me… so sweet and loving….like you really cared.
So now, this is how I feel and where I am at with you:
· No cuddling (we used to do this always, now it’s not an option—you don’t like it….we always used to cuddle all night long, now it is as if you can’t stand being near me when you sleep)
· No “touching” before we make love…..If we do touch, it is me touching you….I can’t remember the last time you……….really “touched” me before we made love.
· You used to always love touching me, even while we slept; now I feel like I need to stay clear of you, and not touch you at all.
· Making love…I feel like when you first see me after a long time you enjoy, however after we make love once, the rest is just “maintenance”
· You don’t take me to out anymore, I feel like I am being hidden from your friends.
· · After a long week with my kids while with you.. I did need a break from them, I asked if you could meet me after I dropped them off, to bring me back….You said “good luck with that”…you didn’t have time for me.
· I come to see you, and spend money and have to make sure my kids are taken care of…what do I really get in return? When is the last time you offered to even meet me halfway?
· I am busy too! I have a full time plus job, and I have 3 kids. I am very stressed out many times, but yet I find time to make it work to see you….and believe me, it is not easy for me.
· I spend a lot of money coming to see you, I do things for you..what have you done for me latley?
· I feel almost like I can’t take anything from you, I even have a hard time now when you take me out for a quick dinner…I want to pay for my own items. I don’t want you spending anything on me. You spend it all on everyone else when you go out.
· I came to town last weekend, and you had me go to your house, then you weren’t there. You said that you were at a bar having a beer. …later you tell me the truth about where you were. It sure didn’t make me feel very welcome. Why the lie? You were at ow's house...thanks.
· The time I came to town and you left me at your house so you could go out and party. The person I fell in love with would never have done that. You made me feel so worthless that night.
· I fell in love with this guy who really had put me on a pedestal. You made me feel so good, and you cared so much. The magic is gone, that guy I fell in love with is gone. You say so mean things, you don’t treat me very well…
· When’s the last time I got flowers???
So, as you can see, I am feeling not so good about a lot of things. Do I feel worthy?....not really. Honestly hon, I want you to know that in the beginning you treated me like gold, I felt so good being with you, you gave me “happy feet”. Now?...well you can see how I feel now….not so good about things.
I really want to feel better about the person I intend to spend my life with. I thought that person was you….but it can’t be…I can’t be with someone who makes me feel unworthy. I just can’t…. I am not angry, nor am I jealous. I am really nothing at this point, because I saw the writing on the wall a long time ago.