Lets blame the mothers part 2

WOW!! The link had a photo of My Narc and his Mother. Hunter

I now know for definite that my ex-N was tied (and still is)to his mother through this syndrome. I came upon this subject about 7 years ago and lightbulbs went off all over the place. I confronted my (only child) N with it saying that his relationship with his mother appeared to me to be unnatural. She divorced his father when N was young and ever since he had been vying for their attention but ultimately never gained either completely. Father (probably another N) dropped off the scene but only lives about 5 minute walk from N and they have had nothing to do with each other for years although mother keeps N posted about his father even though he is not interested. Appears to me that she has never been truly responsible for her actions her entire life and has always acted like a child, relying and depending primarily on her son to sort out her self made dramas while she walks away from them. All this time being in a relationship(s) herself. She even behaves like a young girl (baby talk) frequently when in fact is 65 - quite nauseating. They swing between hate and love all the time, she moaning about her unsatisfactory life and his behaviour, shouting matches etc - to over the top shows of love and showering each other with expensive gifts. He has bailed her out of numerous huge financial holes which impact upon his personal life - remortgaging to pay the debts when infact he should have been concentrating on his and his current partner's needs etc - they would always have to go by the wayside. Funnily enough, he always chooses strong, independent women. And now she is older he sees her as a sweet little retired old lady who he needs to take care of and is in constant fear that she will kill herself through her alcohol and cigarette abuse - thus keeping the cord (and control) pulled tight. When in fact all she is, is a manipulative devil. She is a classic N mother of a classic N son. I realise now, that it was never going to be a level playing field - I couldn't compete because I didn't know how to - so I had to finally walk away from our 21 years, on and off, association. She is never going to let him have a normal, satisfying adult relationship because it is always about "her" and her/his needs. He fell for it hook, line and sinker because he knows no other way and I got so "sick" (read depressed) and tired of always being the one who made concessions and having to accept last minute changes to "our" plans because of their self made dramas. This had gone on for years and I was always the one left feeling upset,confused and ultimately angry, because if I ever challenged him he would run for the hills with the excuse that I was too confrontational. When all I really wanted was for him to see it how it was. As we all know, their needs are obviously more important than any consideration for others. So emotional incest is abuse and in my view the worst kind because it is usually between parent and child. We were put on this earth to protect our children not abuse them to lay down their lives for us and that is exactly what I feel she has done to him. She made such a balls up of her own so she is making him pay and reward her. AND pay he has, in and out of unsatisfactory relationships where (his words) everybody finally abandons him, when in fact the other party leaves for their own sanity. Long term counselling after some work place bullying allegations made against him - that was the trigger. But I personally don't feel that he learned an awful lot about himself because he was too afraid of what he would discover so suppressed the majority of it. His mantra is "I am not a bad person", "why do you hate me so much?". Compulsive liar, cheater, overt mummy's boy, and emotional vampire. Erm, you choose? I eventually got out 6 months ago (long, long overdue) and I am certain they have both moved onto a new supply - why wouldn't they because that has been their pattern down the years - they have realised that I am no longer useful to them because I got stronger in resisting their constant attention seeking, moaning and selfishness - Thank God. I still have days when I feel that maybe I imagined all the above and that I have done them a disservice but have also since been informed by others, some of whom I hardly know, that I was completely right so that is a little comforting but ultimately I am sad, angry and depressed that I wasted too many years trying to rescue him at my expense. If only I knew then, what I know now - hindsight is a wonderful thing but they were so convincing and knew I could be depended on to feed their needs. I am working on me now and taking it gently and learning to protect myself from these types as it is never a win-win situation. Please don't let it happen to you.

My exN's mom was an alcoholic and exN told me she confided inappropriately to him regarding her sex life with his dad. ExN's mom developed Alzheimer's and passed away years ago but her legacy lives on, I guess.

My N is extremely close to mommy.. She does not wrong!! He has helped her financially his whole life. His father was an alcoholic that was never home... I do beleive his mother leaned on him heavily in this childhood years. My n's father died of cancer just last October, My N paid for this funeral and burial... Mommy does everyhting for the N. She comes up to his house everyday... Waters the cows, feeds the dogs, cleans his house, runs all errands for him in town and cooks and brings his supper up to his house every evening.. They do have a very sick relationship... Evryone in his family knew about me, except for mommy... He made sure i was gone by the time she came up each morning and I was not allowed to come up in the evening until she had been there and gone... SICK, Very SICK!!!

Mine never developed an independent identity from his mother and family and is only close with them - even though he was rich, he retired at 40 and returned to live with his mother in her house with her until she died! his friends made fun of him in his 30's for still being a mommy's boy - he is very quiet and she was a strong smart lady - her husband left her - they all doted on him - its sickening and now he is so weird eve if he is famous. All his friends got married except him - my guess is he never even lived with someone other than his mother!!! He acted out alot of stuff with me and I am sure it was repressed hostility from having a domineering smothering mother...

Mothers sometimes just kill their sons with too much love. Soooooooo many forms of covert incest . . . Great read and self-help for me was John Bradshaw's book "Family Secrets". His other books, 'Healing the child within', 'Bradshaw on: The Family', and 'Healing the shame that binds you' are great too.

My N was the oldest of 4 children with an abusive alcoholic father that would come home drunk and beat his mother. As my N became a teenager he ended up defending his mother and fighting off his father. He and his mother are extremely close and it's "creepy" too.

I was thinking of posting something similar! This problem does stem from Mommy dearest, indeed,! Mine is stilled tied to her hip, she is a crazy abusive narc herself! His father dies suddenly in a plane crash when he was a teenager! He took on his role, she freaked out and the rest is history! A narc was born!! Hunter

I have thought about that very subject with regard to the narc, because i know something happened between him and mommy but do not know what, i doubt it was anything openly incestuous, but covert, you never know, and I still think she kept him from breaking away from her and developing into a fully formed, emotionally mature man. I do know she smothered and doted on him, according to his brother.