1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. All About Him Forum
  5. Leftover idealization phase....

Leftover idealization phase....

12 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Aug 26 - 8PM
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Leftover idealization phase....

It's interesting reading the posts here about what our psychos did or didn't do. A lot of positive memories, yes he took me out to dinner, on vacations, he smothered me with great sex, blah blah blah........I keep thinking about that too, the cog/dis is unbelievable. But the reality is that the idealization phase was a complete lie and sham.

So I'm curious, to put a bit of reality into all of this, if it was all that WONDERFUL, what was it that he did that finally made you get out of it amidst all the intermittent "wonderful"? I have a feeling if it were so great, we'd still be with our ex's! ICK!

Aug 27 - 2AM
Journey
Journey's picture

Ya, hate to say it, but my

Ya, hate to say it, but my blinders were on so tight I probably would still be with him if he hadn't found new supply and dumped me. With my exN it was a daily shift of good, maybe great, then not good, maybe bad... push, pull, come here, go away... We had a lot of really good times and were involved in many things together which we were completely compatible with, so the bad times were usually the briefer parts in between. Over time, they did get harder to ignore and I wish I'd had the wherewithal to end it myself. But I honestly thought we could work it out, at least thought we'd always be able to be good friends. I was willing to do whatever I felt I could at the time and never thought he'd discard everything about our friendship/relationship the way he has. Pisses me off he turned out to be a narc instead of a 'normal', otherwise we could have been so happy together. Dang!

Journey on...

Aug 27 - 7PM (Reply to #11)
JMi
JMi's picture

Journey i could have written

Journey i could have written this exact same post Frightening how similar our experiences are and how the N makes us feel!! Yet comforting to know i'm not alone! Thankyou! x
Aug 26 - 11PM
juliamarie
juliamarie's picture

Good topic

Wish I could say I got out when I realized it was crazy, but I'm the type of person to make things work. I got dumped when I started calling him out regularly on his bad behavior. I'm sure he figured out that I would eventually leave him. Sadly, he was wrong because I was committed and sick....I was hell bent on staying regardless. He did us both a favor, but my ego is bruised that I didn't end things when I KNEW it wasn't right.
Aug 27 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
megamillion
megamillion's picture

same here

on the ego bruising - as well as being the kind of person to make things work, almost obsessively so, despite recognizing and calling exN out on her bad behavior (that was getting worse!). I think I was starting to "pull away" so exN rushed the discard (she'd been working VERY HARD on the devalue). Interestingly, exN did try to confuse me just prior by telling me she knew she could keep me as long as she wanted to but that wouldn't be fair to me. How kind of her to think of me (!!) - it was the one point that I can clearly remember thinking "who do you think you ARE? and who do you think I am that THAT would be true?" ARG. How/why did I put up with that nonsense for so long??!
Aug 27 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
juliamarie
juliamarie's picture

Wow...

That is fantastic....she was really looking out for you! LOL! Seriously, they are the most ridiculous people. I know they have a personality disorder, but what she said to you is pure insanity. Be happy you are rid of her!
Aug 26 - 10PM
MandyM
MandyM's picture

Mine left me when I started

Mine left me when I started calling him out on his hot-and-cold behavior and standing up for myself. I refused to chase him down every time I got the silent treatment. I guess he didn't like that.
Aug 26 - 8PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

He

dumped me when I asked for equal treatment, I dare to speak up as a person,,OMG
Aug 26 - 8PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I had no choice, I get the

I had no choice, I get the silent treatment, he said I wanted to get married and move in with him! He likes his life just the way it is!! That's a pretty deep conversation don't you think? I must have been in a coma, never happened! True insanity !, Hunter
Aug 26 - 8PM
ordinarycourage
ordinarycourage's picture

the straw that broke the camel's back

It was only wonderful for the first five years before our first daughter was born. After that, he started to change. I think he was actually jealous of the attention I gave her. For me, it was discovering he was having an affair with a woman who was a business associate but also a "friend" of our family. I could have and was willing to go to couples counseling but he showed absolutely no remorse or empathy and refused to go. Very Jekyll and Hyde type behavior....
Aug 26 - 8PM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Sunafterrain

For me it wasn't intermittent. It was a long, slow trip downhill that eventually hit rock bottom.
Aug 27 - 12AM (Reply to #2)
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

I spent 12 years trying

I spent 12 years trying desperately to get the perfect idealised beginning back in the face of overwhelming evidence that the marriage was causing me harm. He blamed me, I blamed me. I tried everything to get his attention, he mocked me, I challenged his lies, he lied some more, I reminded him of his promises, he told me I was mad, I bought him expensive presents, he loved and approved of me, I couldn't bear him being sexual with me, he called me frigid. My marriage was dead for years but I insisted on carrying the carcass Then he left me for ow as he felt unloved and unwanted by me And still I can't let go Nc nc nc nc