the last time

I was here, I was feeling stronger. The EXNarc got transferred at work and although I was devastated at first I realized it was the best thing for me. He blamed me for the transfer even though he volunteered and got a raise. after a week he contacted me and said this was the best thing for us, not being around each other so much and he seemed different. Now I realize it was only a Hoover.
See, he worked at this location before and got mixed up with the wrong crowd and had to return home so his father could keep an eye on him. Uh, that should have been my first red flag but I fell in love and he had me convinced that it was everyone else that caused this.
Monday night we had plans to get together. We spent time together on Friday night and he was telling me that he loved me...etc...I really thought he woke up. He cancelled on Monday saying he had to work late. Didn't contact me all day yesterday until I texted. He said at 345 I'm ok, working hard. I waited and called two hours later. He answered...sweet as anything which was strange because he usually seemed annoyed when I called. He said a few old friends met up at around 345. Funny he said he was working hard when he sent a text at the same time. If it was so innocent why didn't he tell me? This coming from a guy who accused me of cheating with every man I smiled at.

I got hovered and d&d once again and I'm ashamed to admit it. I know he is hiding something, I can feel it. I didn't think he was the type to cheat but every other N trait applied to him. Why wouldn't this one? Even if he wasn't, the proof lies in the fact that he doesn't value or respect me the way I deserve. He does what he wants when he wants..he's said these very words. I've finally realized that I am only supply once he runs low.
I just got Lisa's book and my eyes are opening slowly but surely. I told him I was done. He ignored me, surprise surprise. I need to STAND STRONG and stay away for good. I think with the help of this forum and Lisa's book I can. I deserve a loving man with no hidden agendas! I feel like Carl this morning but know it will pass. So hard. So unfair. I only ever loved him.