kpoole's story

He snuck back and I "think" I need out?

My story is pretty long, I don't have much time, so for now I'll share briefly.

He treated me like a princes for the first 2 years we dated. After I became pregnant, he changed. He was distant and short. When I was 6 months along, he just never came home. He said I was over emotional, needy and selfish. I questioned if I was and tried everything to be what I thought he expected. (very hard to do when those pregnancy hormones are all over the place)

When I first told him about the baby, he had no emotion. He wasn't happy or scared, just there.

Anyway, fast forward to the birth of my daughter.

He showed up my home 2 days after we came home from the hospital, with his whole family and no warning. Never called, emailed or texted. We never even spoke but a few times through email after he left us.

I wasn't mentally OR physically prepared for this meeting, so I did not let him in. Until this day (one year later) he claims that I kept him from his daughter. I told his mother (who was with him at the front door)that after we get settled in, we will plan a meeting.

He took me to court for joint custody. I spoke with him and we came to an agreement and had it signed. In the first year of her life, he had met her twice, both times were also visits for court ( he lived out of state) He said he could only afford the trips for court.

Now, after everything has set in place and I have been friendly, he asked if he could stay with me for a month so he could find a job and apartment.

I was dumb. I said no but later felt bad and made a deal that would allow him to stay for month.

And that is where I am now.

He is staying in my home, he hasn't been looking for job and hasn't paid child support.

Its been two weeks.

AND HE PROPOSES!

I don't know how to respond. I don't know if has changed or what to think.

He admits that he was wrong and he was the one who was selfish.

I asked him, if you were just scared, why did you have to be so mean to me?? His response " I had to prove to you that I was serious about what I felt was right at the time"

He would tell me that he didn't trust me with our dog, how can he trust me with the baby and that I should look in a mirror and he would now why he left.

At first, I thought he was right but later realized it was just him being cruel.

I'm just so lost and confused. The only time he acted this way (towards me, he's always kind of dick to other people) was during the pregnancy and some time after, now he's back to the guy I use to know. Is he really is a narc or was he just a scared immature guy?

He's pushing the marriage thing, its frustrating because I said just give me time. I have seen him 2 times before he basically moved in and proposed.

He told me I wasn't allowed to seek advice from family because they would convince me not to be with him, its our relationship and should stay between us he says.

I'm scared that I'm just confused because my mother works in domestic abuse and is recently divorced from my father who she claims is a narc. Her continuously ramming into my head "red flags" and NPD and everything else. I might never get married thinking every man is this way.

I know he has signs but could I be wrong? Was he just scared? I wish it could be black and white.