Think I am ready to share my story with you all now. I have been on this site for months now, reading, reading and more reading. First off I would like to say you are all incredibly brave wonderful women and I have been inspired by your posts and stories.
Here we go - I have been married for 27 years and with my Narc for 18 of those years. I had just given birth to my son and had terrible post natal depresssion - I didn't know what it was at the time and didn't seek any help - it was then that I met him. He was a friend of a lady I was working with at the time as I had to return to work (I didn't want to leave my baby and it was the most awful time of my life) I had the higher paid job and a very cheap company mortgage and had no choice.
Things were very fraught at home and hectic, working full time trying to hold down a full time job and my baby didn't sleep at all. He owned a garage and my friend put me in touch with him as there was a problem with my car - well that was IT - he would not stop asking me out, calling me (he called me at work because he knew I worked with his friend and found the number!) - I resisted for months and then I went for a drink with him. He was wonderful to me in the beginning professed undying love for me, I was a wonderful person etc., put me on a pedestal. He is married and a catholic - he is 62 and I am 50 now.
I truly fell in love with him and he promised we would be together and have a wonderful life, I built a little future in my head and I was head over heels. Well over the years he has stripped me of my self esteem, self confidence, loving nature, bubbliness, outgoing nature, I think if I am honest my SOUL - I don't recognise myself anymore and I know what I need to do but WHY CAN'T I JUST DO IT!!!!!
It is now all completely different and when I look back he has always been an N and I have put up with it for such a long time. I am sure he has had affairs along the way and he has treated me intolerably but I just cannot walk away. He has now starting taking recreational drugs, gambling and he flirts incessantly in front of me when we are out - he has always been a terrible flirt but now it is embarrasing and I always feel disrespected and it just doesn't seem to bother him in the slightest.
I just want someone to put a rocket up my bum and tell me I am insane (I know I am) - problem is - I do the accounting for him at one of his garages now so am very involved but I need to get away from him I have wasted too many years being with a man who really doesn't love me at all.
If I were to list all of his actions you would probably scream at me - where did I go? I miss myself and want myself BACK!!!
Reading all the stories and posts on here, he really is and always has been a Narc - I didn't know what one was I just googled selfish behaviour one day and it lead me along the path to what he really is - OMG if only I had found this site years - just a massive light bulb moment!!
There is more, lots more but thanks for listening anyway.
Welcome to Narcville, Hunter
Thank you Florence it is
5 months NC (almost)
Thank you florence and
Willing to try anything
Willing to try anything
Yes that's it
Think I'm probably the same I