Katherine2081's Story

Done the deed give me strength now

Hi I have been a member here for ages but not posted, can I tell you my story I would love your views.I was divorced from my first Husand after 14 years and two children together we grew apart he cheated I could nt forget even though the first twelve years were good. Four months after he moved out I met my second Husband I was foolish wanted the whole family scenario. He seemed in the same situation as me and told me he was in process of splitting with his Partner had two children same age as mine we got on fabulously. Six weeks after we were dating I was called to the police station he was arrested for assault on his ex when I got there he was covered in cuts he said she went for him. I believed him took him in. Four months later pre trial he admitted he went to his ex house slept with her and then said he was coming back to me so she attacked him understandably.He cried said he was foolish I forgave him.We tried to make it work he wasnt allowed to see his kids I felt sorry for him. I got pregnant. He became a nightmare tolive with OCD took over. He messed me around going out nightclubbing, reports of cheating, paying what he felt he could afford for the bills even though he saved huge amounts and he had £40000 in the bank. He played mind games with me hiding keys swearing at me to find them then saying I asked him to keep them for me. He frequently disappeared to his ex House at one in the morning lying where he was. I lost my job whilst four months pregnant it was too much I bled he wouldnt come with me for the scans. I couldnt afford all the bills he would nt even cover half despite saving. I ran up debts to keep the house. I had £40000 equity in the house I had built up and was determined to keep the house for my kids. He would nt come out with my kids if he wasnt seeing his so life was very controlled and made he made horrible comments about my little girl being fat or my boy having problems. I nearly died as did his little boy in an emergency cesarian three days later he told me this life was not for him he didnt go though. He was verbally abusive and not nice to live with I was trapped in a house I could nt sell with no job and three children under eight I became a shadow of myself clinging onto the man that caused the destruction. When I sold the house he got his own house without telling me "to see his kids" lying to his Ex that he was with me. I had to repay all my loans leaving me without a penny to my name. I moved to a house to rent on my own with my three kids struggling he gave me nothing and tried to take my furniture he had £40000 in the bank. We kept in touch and he stopped going out we had seperate houses but still had issues regarding my kids even after seeing his but I kept working on it. He was going to move back in but had issues over not being on the Tennacy agreement or the fact the bills were too high. I got fed up of renting as myself and the children have moved three times in two years it breaks my heart uprooting them. I broke up with him March 2011 fed up of the situation. He promised he had come to a turning point I gave him another chance told him it would be the last. He was better with the kids would talk to them at least and didnt go out but didnt help me with the kids routine wise which was hard when I worked fulltime he would watch my 70 year old Father helping me whilst he went to the Gym. Then we agreed to buy a house he would put the deposit down I would share my income which is now more than his. We offered on five houses over the last two years he pulled out at the last moment always giving excuses. The last time this happened was December 2011. I went and rented a house near the kids school I felt fed up but agreed we could move in and see how it went he was better with my kids (although it was always going to be false and still not helping much). However I couldnt live with the fact that he was willing to see me work full time do everything for all our kids whilst he went to the gym saying he had no life, just so I could save my half of a deposit on a house that he has in the bank. We would do seperate food shops at the same time because he didnt want to pay for my kids food using my toilet roll butter milk etc it sound picky but annoyed me greatly.I felt he was selfish beyond words so I told him it was over after four years of turmoil. I know my life with the kids is better now and I am in control of my destiny. I have had the suicide threats etc He is not going out yet and I have to resist feeling sorry for him on his own as the going out is around the corner once he realises his bridges are burnt. However its hard inside to get rid of that feeling of feeling scared of him going out and whilst feeling peace now your old life can haunt you. He had such a huge detremental effect on my life. Why do I still have small moments of feeling scared is it because he drummed into me how we were meant for each other no one will love you like I do. I can hardly look him in the eye in case he fools me again. I hope he wont as only you can understand the strength it took to get me here.