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karma bus part 2

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#1 Dec 2 - 5PM
tynk3377
tynk3377's picture

karma bus part 2

While I can not say that I was happy about the karma bus arriving, after a day of N BS I will change it to...I am only glad it didnt back up...straight on front shot works just fine for me right now.

Yes I still feel bad for him, just not allowing his guilt to land at my feet.(god I am apprieciating therapy more and more)...

Had a good appt today. T validated (as close as she could from MY experiences)that he definatly seems a N, and I am most definatly NOT the borderline N says I am. 100 pounds lifted right off. I actually came right out and asked her tonight.

She did suggest I buy a copy of co-dependant no more.I will be picking it up tomm.

I also informed N tonight that I will no longer have any contact with him regardless of his threats or his lawyers.

Back to breathing...does anyone smell popcorn?

(thank you for the smiles Briseis)

Dec 2 - 11PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Thank you :) So you've gone

Thank you :) So you've gone from being consumed with guilt into understanding the necessity :D . The karma bus is very validating, though I'm with you, the gloating part isn't for everyone. Maybe you are just too kind spirited even to wish the Karma Bus on your own abuser. Or maybe the "anger" stage has come and gone? My exNarc went straight down the crapper when I got rid of him too. I am not so kind hearted, I made him homeless. But even then, he had more "stuff" than he had when he moved in with me seven years before, and that's no joke. Narcs manipulate us into accepting responsibility for them. They believe we are responsible with their whole heart. Have you ever watched someone speak very emotionally with great conviction? It's hard to not get caught up in it. Say you also LOVE this person very much, and do not want them to suffer. Bingo, we empathic types are sunk. I know codependency plays a role in Narc relationships. You practically MUST develop codependency to survive one (and stay any length of time). You aren't responsible for his pitiful life, you never were. He just brainwashed you good. How can you be responsible NOW, when you never were to begin with? I propped the exNarc up, gave him a decent image, made all my money and assets available to him. When I withdrew it all, he collapsed. It wasn't my life's job to prop some other adult human being like that -- ESPECIALLY one who abused me for all my trouble! Neither are you. The guilt is plain WRONG. You'll lose another 100 pounds when that comes clear too :) Better go have a cheeseburger or you'll float away :)
Dec 3 - 5AM (Reply to #3)
tynk3377
tynk3377's picture

Thank you Briseis

You just pretty much echo'ed what my T said. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM... NOR ANY OF HIS SHIT !!! I sat outside and had a smoke (yes shame on me I do that ) and I kept saying its ok to let go...its not yours...you owe him NOTHING just like he gave you... I swear I felt it lift away...and yes as you pointed out the anger stage came and went months ago...I had 4 months of healing under my belt before he got a lawyer to step in. Working on me now and looking forward to a healthier future... Now if you'll excuse me theres a cheeseburger with my name on it somewhere :)
Dec 2 - 7PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Can you go back and find

Can you go back and find Karma Bus Part one for me? I remember it but have no idea when you wrote it. I'm just trying to keep up on your story :) I smell fettucini alfredo, or I did before I devoured it.