Just a reminder with NC

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#1 Mar 16 - 8PM
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

Just a reminder with NC

Nearly every expert on psychopathy advises former victims, if at all possible, to break all contact with the psychopath. What does NO CONTACT mean? It means:

1. NO DIRECT, or active, communication with the psychopath: be it in the form of emails, letters, phone calls, texting, Facebook posts, or seeing him in person.

2. It also means NO INDIRECT, or passive, communication either: don’t read his emails, don’t look at his Facebook, don’t read his texts, don’t seek or listen to information about him through any intermediaries, don’t google him to find out what he’s up to lately.

Why go NO CONTACT? There are plenty of great reasons for that. Here are some of them:

1. Any contact with a psychopath can make you prone to his manipulation and control over you.

2. Any contact with a psychopath can put your well-being, and even safety, in danger.

3. Any contact with a psychopath will keep the wounds from the relationship raw and the pain still fresh and intense.

4. Any contact with a psychopath will keep you obsessing about him and your past together.

5. Any contact with a psychopath will introduce doubts in your mind, so that you’re second-guessing yourself and your past behavior.

6. Any contact with a psychopath will, therefore, entrap you in a dangerous relationship with a fundamentally bad human being.

The difference between taking three months or three years to heal from the psychopathic bond–and, sometimes, the difference between life and death–depends in large part upon implementing this NO CONTACT rule. The only way to heal from the harm inflicted by the psychopath is to go NO CONTACT with him or her for life: particularly if you don’t share custody of kids or have any legal reason to see, hear or read about that

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/03/16/why-go-no-contact-w...

Mar 17 - 12AM
WiserNow30
WiserNow30's picture

I completely agree. I'm on

I completely agree. I'm on day 13 of no contact and with each passing day, my head becomes clearer. It's as if I was stuck in a hole and no contact has allowed me to be lifted a little more each today to see the pile of garbage that I was subjecting myself to. I've promised myself that I will never have contact with him again. He will never have the privelege of hearing me direct my voice or thoughts his way ever again.
Mar 17 - 7AM (Reply to #8)
spinning
spinning's picture

Wiser, great observations

and I am so happy for you! It is powerful to take back control of oneself...and quite liberating too. NC, though extremely difficult in the early stages, is truly amazing and it does make such a difference. I love this post and love the responses from people that affirm why NC equates to saving yourself, regaining self-worth and reclaiming your soul. I know this is what it's been for me. Slowly but surely, I am realizing just how DONE I am with all the pain, chaos and destruction. Rebuilding feels good. Sincerely (finally slowing down from) spinning

spinning

Mar 17 - 5AM (Reply to #7)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Wisernow

13 days well done you , its funny how youre head gets clear in just a few weeks away from them , we have spoken alot about brain washing here and what a number their pathology dose to youre head . The narc literally takes you to a diffrent reality , like taking a small dose of lsd everyday . Its their disorder that causes this . Imagin youre narc singing in a choir he is the one at the frount singing his heart out but he is flat and after a while that just hurts youre ears .Nc gives you time to rejoint the land of the living and the longer you stay i the real world the more crazy the narc looks . xx
Mar 16 - 11PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Neverlookback

Thank you for posting this. The Psychopath will not change, it will not get better, they may hurt you badly, and there is no reason to believe a word they say. This post clearly illistrates the steps to follow. Goldie
Mar 16 - 10PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Neverlookback...

Thank you for that reminder...it gets hard sometimes to stick to no contact it is such an up and down process...I haven't heard anyone say it was easy...especially in the early days... I appreciate your posting the reminder...it gives some of us that resolve just knowing that others are also engaged in the "struggle" Hugs!
Mar 16 - 10PM
narcissizednomore
narcissizednomore's picture

Each day of N/C puts him one day further in the past

If I have so much regret of having him in my life in the past, why would I want him in my future? I have to remind myself of this. I refuse to take on any more painful memories. There are too many now that I have to accept and then let go of. This is what N/C means for me. Putting distance between the past and the future. It's still a struggle but each day puts him further into my past. Maybe after 20 years of N/C, the pain will be unmemorable. I'm hoping.

narcissizednomore

Mar 16 - 8PM
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Neverlookback

Another GREAT post! I've been NC for 2 days!!! I know that doesn't seem like a lot but for me that is GREAT! I have learned several things in 2 days. 1. Life is so much more PEACEFUL with NC. No fighting, lies or BS! 2. I figured out with NC I obsess a whole lot less about him. Today I realized I haven't snooped in his email in days and didn't want to do it! What's the point? It's just more hurt and it drags me down! 3. I focused on WORK today instead of what he was doing and wondering if he was going to call and if he did what was I going to do. I actually got some work done today!! 4. I'm not ANGRY and raging mad! I've been mad for so long that I don't know how to act! LOL When I have contact with him I am instantly PISSED at him and at myself for answering the phone or email. 5. The biggest thing is I am PROUD of myself! I know it's just 2 days but I'm so proud of ignoring his phone calls and email. It is powerful!! It gives me strength and makes me HAPPY. NC is still going to be hard for me but I'm finally getting it! Thanks again for the post neverlookback!
Mar 17 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

sara- horray for you!

I am so proud of you. What great revelations you've made already. Keep up the great work. You're right, NC is hard at first, but I am here to tell you that it is so worth the effort. You will be even more amazed. Keep it up! sincerely (finally slowing down from) spinning

spinning