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Just for the record

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#1 Jun 8 - 9AM
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Just for the record

I feel the need to predict for my own sanity. Soooo, in the last week I have been told I didn't compliment him in the "right way", that I am selfish and have no time for a relationship because I wanted to take a bath rather than e-mail him. Then I was told I was not to contact him ever again because I am abusive and not acting like a human being and then he said he had blocked me e-mail. Which was a lie, because I sent a test e-mail from AOL and can check status which said "deleted". How can you delete something you're not even receiving? And anyway the following will prove he was lying.

This morning... I get an e-mail from him that he sent at 3:30 a.m. and it said, "Sandy, do we have to cut this off altogether? Let me know, (name here). WTF????

I responded with "yes we do." However ladies.... my prediction is that I will now be hit with either a barrage of verbal abuse and blaming... or yet more stalling to get his stuff and allow me to refinance the house. Keeping me stuck because he is half owner on this house. I WAS SUCH AN IDIOT TO EVER DO THIS WITH HIM!!!

Anyway, I just wanted to write this down before I get the response when he finally gets up... because I would bet a years salary it can only go one of two ways. If I ignored the e-mail it would be the same outcome. There's just no way to get this finalized reasonably and without more harm to come.

So Leah... if you read this.... please go with your plans and keep moving.... please just think hard about his latest "hoovering" as Barbara says.

Jun 8 - 9PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

finallydone

walk OUT of the home while he's busy and call the police - ask them to send a patrolman over to keep an eye on his "unannounced visit." ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 8 - 3PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

of course he's lying

you can use amiblocked.com to check if he's really on, btw. do you have an attorney helping you deal with this? if not get one ASAP.
Jun 8 - 1PM
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Update

Well after 6 hours, I get, "Never mind! I'll just come back today or tomorrow to pick up more stuff." So that's step one: he's pissed that I didn't cave and now he's going to think about it somemore and get really mad and then there's more to come. I'm so glad that my son is away at camp this week!!!!
Jun 8 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

finallydone

Good for you! You know his number, and he's STUMPED! Do you happen to have someone who can be there whenever he does return?
Jun 8 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Nope it's just me. I wish

Nope it's just me. I wish I could just pack it all up and set it outside for him to take it and go. But who wants to do the work for him?? And besides he'd make a federal case out of it. It's just so hard to actually see him in the flesh because I was so incredibly in love with him and I can't believe this person's brain does not function like other people.
Jun 8 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

finallydone

Well, if there is nobody available, maybe you can call someone or even 'fake' being on your phone or something so he is less likely to make a scene or bother you at all. Just sayin'... I know, I am 'miss paranoia' thanks to my narc. I don't trust 'em as far as I can toss 'em!
Jun 8 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
RenewD
RenewD's picture

When he comes

You can request that the police send an officer to your place when he is coming to make sure nothing happens. If you tell them that it was a nasty breakup and you're afraid of what he might do, they will send one over to stand watch. ~Denise~
Jun 8 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

yes!

Denise is right. Have them send an officer. Who cares what he thinks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 8 - 6PM (Reply to #7)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

too late

He just drove all the way from cincy unannounced and stuck his head out the door and said very loudly "I'm back to get more stuff!" I can feel it in the air he's gonna start trouble. Wish me luck.
Jun 8 - 10PM (Reply to #15)
grossot
grossot's picture

If he's making unannounced

If he's making unannounced visits have your voice recorder ready if u know the sherriff can't be there right away. Just tell narc , "I'm recording everything." nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

Jun 8 - 10PM (Reply to #8)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

finallydone?

Hellooo girl, just checking on you...how much crap does this guy have?? Hope you are ok!
Jun 9 - 6AM (Reply to #9)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

thanks

That is so nice to check. He has quite a bit of stuff in attic and garage (all furniture is mine). The problem has been that he would only put a little bit in his van and leave for a week or two. He has been stalling and dragging his feet. So he comes in and starts walking around singing "who's that man running my life" I think its a toby keith country song. I turned on a movie (benjamin buttons) and ignored him. He eventually came in and sat down to watch the movie. I continued to ignore him but at least he stayed quiet. I immediately went to bed otherwise I knew hed want to "talk". I fell asleep and at 1230 he came in and woke me up saying he just wanted to be human and this was all to painful. Of course I got teary and told him I needed to go to sleep so he left. The conversation was about 20 minutes and I was so upset inside because he gets to me and he knows it. But I kept thinking that this was typical, how is he so controlled and compassionate, but can turn on a dime and call me every name in the book and blame me for everything and the whole bag of tricks that you all know so well. Anyway, I'm going to work. Who knows what today will bring.
Jun 9 - 8AM (Reply to #14)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

wow!

MUCHO BOUNDARY VIOLATIONS!! - coming unannounced - sitting down to watch movie - coming into your bedroom Next time, tell him to TAKE HIS STUFF AND LEAVE. He's torturing you ON PURPOSE and trying to "control & run" your life still!! Enough! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 9 - 8AM (Reply to #10)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

finallydone

Glad you're okay. Interesting that he said he wanted to be human. He actually said something true. But only because he's in crisis mode. That kind of talk won't last, and doesn't lead to remorse or change, unfortunately.
Jun 9 - 9AM (Reply to #11)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

I know you guys are

I know you guys are right..... I really wish you weren't. But I know it's true. Thanks for all your support.
Jun 9 - 9AM (Reply to #12)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

finallydone

I say this with love & concern: STOP WISHING and start keeping your boundaries! His free and easy access to you could HARM you! ex: "Did I say I wanted to watch TV with you? Please leave." "What are you doing in my bedroom? Please get out." If he says the house is 1/2 his say - "But my personal space is 100% mine. A lawyer will be handling the rest." If you haven't seen a lawyer about this WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!?! Hug. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 9 - 10AM (Reply to #13)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Barbara

Barbara, thank you for all you said and I do know you are saying it with care. So no worries... :) I actually did see a lawyer (my mother has trusted her for years) and talked to her. She said the best we could do was scare him with a letter, but I was in a spot since we own the house together and were not married. She said that since I have a 13 year old child in the house and a stable well paying job... they could find in my favor and tell him to just sign the papers (if it had to go to court) but they could also require that we sell. I will do that if it comes down to it... but I don't think he really wants the house... I think this is a battle of his need for control. And although he got to me last night (as I figured he would) and I am struggling with the wishful thinking (although less and less - quicker to bounce back - actually fairly productive today). He's already sent an e-mail, which isn't worded in an overtly hostile way, but it goes on and on about how he's not really demanding it's just a matter of perspective. And who am I to require that change is necessary because he would be changing that which makes him him. This is the cycle and if I were to bother challenging it, no matter how reasonable, it would deteriorate quickly into a round of nasty verbal abuse and circular conversations where I'm the one who isn't thinking clearly. You know the drill.... and sadly, I know the drill as well. I'm sticking to my guns no matter how much it breaks my heart. Because it won't ever change and it IS magical thinking on my part. I think I'm gonna be okay... didn't feel that way two months ago or even two weeks ago... thought I would die. And I expect to have those moments again.... but I think I'm getting a little stronger everyday. I know what happiness was... or least drama-less (is that a word?) existence was. And I just don't want this anymore. Thank you so much for how much you put into this site and how you support us all with the "tough love" as my mother would say. :) Sometimes its hard to hear... but it's necessary to keep drilling it into us isn't it. Hugs back to you!! :)