just read this by Sam Vaknin

The narcissist internalises a "bad" object (typically, his mother) in his childhood. He harbors socially forbidden emotions towards this object: hatred, envy, and other forms of aggression. These feelings reinforce the narcissist's self-image as bad and corrupt. Gradually he develops a dysfunctional sense of self-worth. His self-confidence and self-image become unrealistically low and distorted.

When I first met the ex n he told me a story of how when he was about 19 his mother had a serious illness which meant that her mind was going and how he was looking after her quite a lot. he then became very cagey about what happened but the upshot was his father threw him out of the house... when I repeatedly asked why? cos this seemed wierd to me ... he just kept saying that his mother had said things about him that werent true. .......he wouldnt tell me what.. this was a massive red flag .. i think now he had probably been abusing his mother in some way.