Just curious

what makes them stay with one particular woman for a period of years, I sometimes wonder what the criteria is for being called their GF, or significant other. I know many of the women he has victimized no doubt have been good decent attractive women but yet he returns to his live in partner, I often wonder just what steady supply she gives him that is so different from any other woman he could have as a partner who are every bit as much as his girlfriend is. Maybe its just the fact he is comfortable with her and he can fool her easily so why change a good thing?

baddream's picture

I have given this a lot of thought because my N was with the "girlfriend" for 5 of the 8 years we were in a relationship, and continues to do so. For awhile I looked the other way, but eventually had to leave. I was the one to confront him and after that I was d&d'd... then he would always try to come back and finally I had enough of the back and forth. The primary woman in his life does everything for him. If not for her he would have no place to live, no stability, no job prospects, no security. When I was in a relationship with him I knew his deficiencies and when I was being honest with myself knew that I never really wanted to be in the position to provide all of those things for him and get not too much in return. She is like his mother, his banker, his nanny, his housekeeper. He cheats on her and she lets him. He takes her money and she allows it. He walks all over her, over and over again. I'm sure she has tried to get out but he controls her in his own special way. Cynthia, let's be happy we are not the girlfriend. We may be gone from our ex-N life, but he has probably replaced us with a new whore, and continues to cheat on the girlfriend and she continues to look the other way like his door mat.
Monica's picture

For my xN, he was with his long-time partner for money. That isn't just my personal opinion, it's what I have heard from many other people who know him. She was the moneymaker in the relationship, making MUCH more money than he was and also doing all the financial stuff and such as there is no way he would be able to keep track of all of that without making a total mess of things. He loves money, travelling, nice cars, clothes, etc. and she was able to give those things to him. Now he is making more money than he was before so...if he is able to hang onto his new job, time will tell if he D&D's her now that he doesn't need her for that so much anymore. Fortunately, I don't care what he does anymore or who he is with or why!! He is an arrogant, self-serving, egotistical liar. The farther he stays away from me the better.
cynthia's picture

Fortunately, I don't care what he does anymore or who he is with or why!! Your right Monica, when all said and done, the whys dont matter, all that matters is what they are and they are rotten self serving, disturbed individuals why try and make sense out of anything they do in their lives, we just cant know all the answers, and if we did would it change anything? I guess I want to know the answers sometimes to help my self worth heal but I guess getting yourself back is just letting go and getting them out of our heads
Barbara's picture

the fact he is comfortable with her and he can fool her easily so why change a good thing Exactly. Why expend energy retraining a new source. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem