Just curious

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#1 Apr 19 - 4AM
Swan
Swan's picture

Just curious

I was wondering how long after your relationship started did the Narc come out and show his true ugly self?

Mine was about 4 months after we married. I have read that they wait until they are in a secure committed relationship before they let loose the animal inside! I was just wondering what everyone else's experience was.

I mourn the loss of that nice guy who never really existed.

Apr 19 - 8PM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

it took years

Because we did not live together and initially, I lived in two different places, it stayed fun and games a very long time. Nothing ugly until I really started to care for him or at least I did not notice until then. It took us years to get "close" because he would not open up to me...crazy as it sounds, we were JUST getting close after 10 years of dating!!! he was so shut down - he had just started to trust me a little before he moved and dumped me for good! Now he has a hooters looking lady - it does not look "deep" but I guess they at least have sex - I have not had a kiss since he dropped me to airport last June - too freaked out to be with men now - ugh.
Apr 19 - 3PM
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

About two months

The turning point was the night before my birthday - I was looking forward to travel and see him at his house. He had rung me in the middle of the night a couple of days before, to say he was really looking forward to it and we chatted for ages. THEN - the night before I went, he said he had a 'boredom' headache and it was my job to entertain him. He also said he wished he was dead!! When I asked him if he still wanted me to go - he completely raged at me and I was so shocked I cried all night, and woke up alone on my birthday feeling horribly miserable. I did go - and it was truly awful. But I persevered with him for a long time (even on a friend basis). NC is hard because when I don't have contact, I start thinking he wasn't so bad - but when I remember things, or read similar things on hear, I know it's the only way to rid myself of the poison.
Apr 19 - 12PM
momoya
momoya's picture

Matter of days

for me he totally changed over night. He was a different person, and I felt suddenly very uneasy around him.

momoya

Apr 19 - 10AM
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

It took

about 6 months maybe 8 months before the perverted monster surfaced. After that I think he tried to brainwash me into accepting what he was and what he wanted our relationship to be, IT WAS HELL that is all I can say, he went from prince charming to a porn director. I thank GOD I never did all the sick things he wanted me to do, I left the relationship knowing I was conned, used, and betrayed only to be sucked and lured into his sexual sickness. He wasnt really a porn director just so you know
Apr 19 - 5AM
Alisa
Alisa's picture

Right after he was certain

Right after he was certain that I was ready to commit to the relationship. In our case, after 5 weeks of being in a relationship. I had been feeling guilty because part of me was still getting over the ex. It seems that the instant I told the narc that I was ready to be in a serious relationship with him and was getting over the ex, that's when he pulled away. That same night we also had sex for the first time, so he truly "had" me. That night I asked him what he thought of going on vacation somewhere for Christmas (It was June and he couldn't take off from work for the summer and I couldn't take off from work in the fall). His words were, "Well, who knows what will happen until then" HUGE red flag but I ignored it. A week later he broke up with me with some bullshit reason ("We don't communicate well") and I didn't know what the hell had happened.
Apr 19 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
JLMNY1
JLMNY1's picture

Mine waited until I moved in

Mine waited until I moved in with him, so basically the same as the other people here. We dated long distance for 10 months- we are from the same area and I lived in a different city for work for a few years. After we got together, he pushed everything, all our progress. It was his idea for me to move in with him. I did so- moved my whole life there, got a job, etc. And within the first month, the Narc stuff started. By the second month, he was testing the waters as to D&D (I realize that now) and in the third month, I was gone. I also miss the person I thought I knew. I even told him that- that he was a different person (after the breakup) and I didn't even know who this new person was.
Apr 19 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
loveyourselffirst
loveyourselffirst's picture

I don't understand

The story is very similar to my NH and OW. She is in another city and will be moving in with him when she gets a transfer (that's the plan). Why did it last only 3 months after you moved in? You would think that after all the time and effort to have a live-in supply that he would have tried to keep up the pretence as long as he could? Is it that difficult for them to wear the mask 24/7 for any length of time?