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Just checking in with a message of hope...

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#1 Apr 18 - 1PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Just checking in with a message of hope...

...I wasn't sure which forum to post this on and think I'll try for both. The 'regulars' here know me as the damaged, broken, fog-filled wounded one who in early NC had cognitive dissonance so bad I didn't even know what was happening, could barely comprehend what had happened with the horrible D & D, etc. Plus my parent was dying. This was all around November.

Well, I am here to tell all of you struggling so hard with NC that I am 5.5 months NC and things are getting MUCH MUCH better. The focus is WAY OFF the disordered one...I don't even think of revenge as much...and my mood has lifted, people are responding positively to me, life is feeling actually pretty good (despite what's going on financially, with the weather, obligations, the loss of my parent). I never thought I'd reach this level of peace. I still have a way to go and still have some bad days, but I just want to let you all know that if you stay the course and shift the focus things to change for the better. Things improve a lot!

For a long time (look how long I've been a member, I joined when I was trying to get out of the disordered relationship) I knew the disordered one was very bad for me. I had NEVER BEEN TREATED SO POORLY, yet I felt I couldn't stop it. I let him hoover many times. I kept going back. I now know longer WANT any part of ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM. I cannot believe how liberating it is to be free of the high drama, the anxiety, the always waiting for the other shoe to drop, the lies, the manipulations...

Concentrate on shifting the focus. What you give your thoughts and therefore your time to is what becomes your life...

Hang in there to all who want to heal and get better. It does happen. I can't wait to experience and share more!

With deep gratitude and most sincerely (think I've stopped) spinning

Apr 19 - 3AM
jaycee
jaycee's picture

so happy for you, wish i could have hope for healing

im so happy for you, i wish i could say that someday i may feel as strong as you....i wish i could say that one day, i wouldnt be so focused on him and his ow and what he is doing, but i cant, im sick, my mind is so fucked up and hes such a mind fucker that im in the middle of a breakdown, i tried nc, he broke me, he lies so much its sickening, every word out of his mouth is a total lie, and i wish for one second, that he would be as cruel and lie as much to her as he does to me. its all so sick, i want to feel like you do, but im such a weak person, i know i will die waiting for him to stop the lies, and realize i could have had a life, how sad is that.......i envy you strong women, i wish i could be like you......i thought i could but it didnt last and now im back at square one. why do they pretend they dont love the ow and pretend they still love us? i dont get it, wish i could go nc forever.

Jaycee

Apr 19 - 2AM
dudette
dudette's picture

Spinning

Great news! It does get better. 5.5 months NC too and I totally agree with you. I have come to realise the worrying about the N is a boring and pointless exercise. And futile. The N worries not about me so it matters not to him at all whether I am heartbroken or not.... Keep going strong!!!! Dx
Apr 18 - 11PM
TLSM
TLSM's picture

YAY for "Stopped-Spinning!"

I am beyond elated for you!!! What an inspiration. It's means the world to hear this. This I know for sure. I will be ok no matter what. I didn't feel that way in March and beginning of April. And my bday sucked. But lately it has become bearable(sp?). I'm feeling better. I still have my dips, but they don't last long. I'm so happy you've stopped! YAY!!! Don't leave! We still need you!
Apr 18 - 7PM
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Spinning

Good for you!! That is wonderful news!! I've been reading your posts since I found this site and you've had some really hard times so I'm so happy to hear things have turned around. It gives me HOPE that I am going to be OK too! Congrats to you Spinning! You are doing great!
Apr 18 - 6PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Yea spinning! I am so happy

Yea spinning! I am so happy for you! I was doing well but Im stuck in neutral and sometimes I go between neutral and reverse. His little Im getting married bomb really stunted my progress. Hope when I meet with the therapist she can get me unstuck.
Apr 18 - 2PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Spinning

Wahoooo! Love You, This is better than ideal news! Idealk
Apr 18 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
spinning
spinning's picture

Ideal, my sweet!!!

The old bark is coming back and I'm takin' a bite outta life!!!! Thank you for sharing and you're right! IT'S IDEAL!!!!! Love you and big hugs!!! most sincerely (think I've stopped) spinning...AND IT FEELS PRETTY DAMN AWESOME!!!!

spinning

Apr 18 - 1PM
terri
terri's picture

Spinning

I loved reading your post today!! Exactly what I needed to see. I've been struggling lately with NC because my ex-narc is so close by. Occassionally I'll pass by him in the car or run into him somewhere (most recently at the health club - the one I encouraged him to join when we were together) and there have been some hoovering attempts. I absolutely know that moving away from that horrible experience does help our minds shift back to a normal happier place and it is so encouraging to hear success stories like yours. I think the way you put it - what you give your thoughts and therefore your time to is what becomes your life" is at the core of recovery from a narc relationship. Actually, it occurred to me lately with the arrival of beautiful Spring weather that staying NC feels the same way after a time. It's like the nasty, dark, dreary, cold, depressing days of winter giving way to the sunny, warmer, lighter, happier days of Spring. For everyone out there still struggling with going and staying NC, give yourself a chance!!

Believe in yourself!
Terri

Apr 18 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

Thank you, terri...

...I know your struggles and I also know your progress. We're about the same age and have similar situations with long-term relationship x-ed out because of the disordered ones... ...it still hurts and boggles the mind a bit, but it hurts less and less as I feel stronger and better about myself for no longer accepting poor treatment, chaos and destruction into my life. When I look at it like it is MY CHOICE, it shifts the focus and dissipates the disordered one's power over me. What's even better is I smile a lot more, am more pleasant in general and people are responding positively to me without my even trying...in fact it's surprising and wonderful! It's like you say. It's springtime. It's coming back to life! And it's good!!! There are still ups and downs but the ups outweigh the downs! It's hard work but it's worth it! Thank you for sharing in my happiness and this moment and thanks to all on this board who share so honestly and offer so much help and support. sincerely (think I've stopped) spinning...AND IT FEELS GREAT!!!

spinning

Apr 18 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

So happy for you!! Keep

So happy for you!! Keep going. I am 8 months NC and it gets better and better.