JoeP's story
JoeP's story
I was in a club when a friend of mine walked in with her. He introduced her around and within a half hour we were talking. I felt an instant connection and even told her I wish I had met her first. She told me that she and my friend were just friends and asked if she could get in touch with me. I told her I had to ask my friend first to make sure all was ok as I didn't want to cause any bad feelings. My friend hesitated at first but finaly said go for it but keep your eyes open. I so wish now I ask him more about that. I went over her house on our first date and she was on the phone. She totally ignored me until I got my coat to leave then she hung up and gave me some BS story and asked me to forgive her. She seemed really interesting and so different from anyone I had ever met, not to mention I was so lonely, so I let it slide. I kept trying to get close to her but she would only let me get so close then she would push me away. When I got frustratrated she would pour on the charm. It seemed she would go thru this I want you-you suck, I want you-you suck cycle which was the start of the crazy making for me. It kept me off balence and wanting things to be better because when she wanted me I was in heaven. The honeymoon was the best thing I had experienced in years if not ever. Now I began to see some red flags. When I asked her about them there was always some doubletalk and irritation so I learned to not ask. By this time she owned me. Then her true colors began to surface. She started to change. Slowly I began to feel insecure, confused and the stress was ever present. I began to lose my appetite and I could barely sleep nights. I lived to get back to the early weeks of the relationship. I began to do everything for her thinking if she saw how committed I was and how much I cared for her she would reciprocate, but that was not to be. I bought her clothes, presents, holidays, and gave her money thinking if her life was better she wouldn't be so stressed out. Never getting anything in return mind you. Now the cruelty started. The emotional abandonment, the lies, the manipulation, the control, the distain. Everything designed to hurt me to my core. This is how most of it went until the end.... In the end I was discarded like yesterdays trash. This is definately the short version. All I can say is in the end I didn't recognize who I had become. All I felt was numbness, nothing I could put a name too. I had lost 25 pounds and I was thin to begin with so I couldn't afford to lose that kind of weight. I was racked with such pain as I have never experienced before, I literally ached for her. What hurt even more is she didn't even miss a beat. She was with her new supply I think before it even ended. It was as if I never existed. The one thing I was able to do instinctively was to tell her I never wanted to see or hear from her again. I will be forever grateful to a good friend of mine who was an abuse survivor. She shed light on what had just happened to me. It even had a name - NPD. Since then I have been in recovery. I have learned all I can because in dealing with these creatures knowledge is power. I got into therapy shortly after and began doing all the suggested things, excercising, eating right, sleeping right, getting online support and helping others. I have a way to go but now at least there is sunlight at the end of the tunnel. When I was with her the light at the end of the tunnel was the train's headlight barrelling straight for me...
Dear 'JoeP'
My first love and only love....
Female N's
I tend to agree
A guy?
That is a valid question
Fair enough
Welcome joeP