Jaycee

22 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 29 - 9PM

Redhead1

Jaycee

I was in your shoes and my feelings were same as yours 11 months ago. It is a hard journey but its worth it. I can promise you if you go NC and start loving yourself, you will heal. I never thought I would be able to repeat what the narc did to me, but now I talk about it and I laugh about it. A lot of the hurt is gone and my self confidence is getting better. I wouldnt say I am indifferent yet, but very close. I have had many back and forth moments, days and weeks. Its a battle but you can do it if I can. When I started this journey I thought I would never get over what he done to me. I thought I was damaged forever. It just takes time:) You are worth it! Kick him to the curb and take care of yourself. NCNCNCNCNC

#2 May 4 - 12AM

Kitty02 (not verified)

Oh my dear Jaycee this so

Oh my dear Jaycee this so reminds me of the scenario with my friend and her husband. Almost carbon copy apart from now his mother is dead . I very rarely comment on your posts Jaycee but I do read them and my heart goes out to you. My friends husband cheated on her with countless woman and used and abused her for 26 of their 30 years together. He was backwards and forwards with different 'relationships'(for want of a better word) and EVERY time she took him back. She knew what he was but she was so caught up in WINNING it nearly destroyed her. She always used to say to me "I don't want him I just don't want HER to have him", about every different girl he was with. He was violent to her but always got away with it. One day she completely cracked and attacked him. He had her arrested and although she didn't go to prison she has a criminal record and lost her job. After everything he had done to her. Believe me hun, and I say this kindly....you may win a few battles when he needs you for something but you will not win the war why continue to hurt yourself any more how he treats you isn't about you it's how he treat everybody even the OW nobody is getting any better from him. The OW sounds like she is beginning to go over the edge and is very unhappy too, as anybody round him will be because he is just like my friends husband and all PDs where ever they go they spend misery. You have already won the battle, OW life sounds as hellish as yours is for you to be honest hun so why don't you win the war and start doing what you have to do to move on and have a happy life. I bet you husband has told OW a complete load of crap about you. I know it won't be easy but being alone and with no man is better then this. My friend ended up having a nervous breakdown...she is doing well now away from him and has peace. Now and then when he needs something he tries to get his foot in the door. But she lost nearly everything over him All of friends bar a couple, her job, most of her family, the respect of her only child. Sometimes you have to call a halt and have an honest conversation with yourself and make a list of what you have to do to get happy again and do it. Life is to short my darling. Start to love you again and do nice things for yourself and your children. You must be worn out. It's your life Jaycee and your journey. C'mon girl you can do this. :-))

#3 May 4 - 2AM (Reply to #19)

jaycee

thanks kitty

thanks kitty for thinking of me, im so sorry for your friend, yes, i suppose they dont care at all, no matter what they have done, if they want they will go to all lengths to destroy the wife, including sending her to jail. its all about them isnt it. i wish i could stop trying to win the war, the battles are so stressful, and yes, in the end, i will not win, he will never change, and at this point i doubt he will give her up ever, i just hope you are right and her life is hellish as well.........and oh, please tell me, did your friend's husband end up with the ow for life????? or did he continue going from one to the next??? i would love to know how their story ended........maybe your friend saw what she needed to see in order to finally find peace.....

Jaycee

#4 May 4 - 6AM (Reply to #20)

Kitty02 (not verified)

jaycee

I have to point out here they don't just try to destroy the wife but each OW they have. Also with these types you don't get singled out for bad treatment because you are the wife/partner/ow etc. Anyone is a prime candidate. He had a son with one of these poor ladies then that broke up. Countless different woman and a few more significant others whilst going backward and forwards to my friend. My friend became, as his wife, his safety net. The latest one he has a daughter with and he has been violent to her to the extent that the OW called the police on him. Just like all the others. She is still with him because she is now messed up by him too. Your husband will not stay with the OW for life Jaycee, when my friend first found out about her husbands shenanigan with OW she thought this woman would be for life and she would be left out in the cold especially when he got her pregnant, but there have been loads of OW's since then. He never has divorced my friend although I think she should divorce him but it's her life, her journey and I refuse to comment or judge. Why do you think he wouldn't sign the divorce papers Jaycee??? Because my friend is his safety net, his full back girl. There is always an excuse. I think my friend always knew what she needed to see just wanted to win the difference now is she has lost so much trying to win she's all burnt out. She has found peace now to a certain extent but it has cost her a hell of a lot. But I tell her that her life isn't over yet, just as none of ours is, we are all a work in progress. But as sure as night follows day I know that man will be back sniffing around when he needs something. Hopefully she will tell him to sling his hook.

#5 May 4 - 1PM (Reply to #21)

jaycee

thanks kitty for answering

thanks kitty, and im so glad to know they treat all the women in their lives like shit, not just the wife.....i pray your friend and i can become strong enough to say i dont want to be your safety, move it along buddy, im done, wouldnt that be nice.........mine is becoming so cruel that the thought of seeing him or hearing his voice makes me throw up in my mouth, i know hes a looser but like your friend i wont give up because i dont want ow to win.....eventually i will tire of that as well and send him packing not caring if he marries her or not.....eventually i will have to say let her have him, because in twenty five years this man has come and gone done as he pleased and always had me to take care of him, lets see his life without that kind of safety, this bitch better start becoming his safety instead of his steroid partner, cause how long can that last..........lol......

Jaycee

#6 Apr 30 - 4AM

jaycee

redhead1

thank you redhead, i pray i can be where you are someday and pray that i can kick him to the curb and let the chips fall where they may, even if it means him marrying the ow, because financially i have to make the break legal and get what is truly mine, that which i acquired through twenty five years of blood, sweat and many many tears........i just fear he will marry her asap, and acquire all access to her money, if she really has any money, or just spends what she has on him.......i find it hard to believe a paper pusher, cause thats what her real job is, and selling illegal steroids on the side, can really make someone that wealthy to promise, vacations, none of which have occured, a 300,000 condo, which hasnt materialized, and vacation homes, custom built, which dont exist, not yet at least, but if she does have that type of money, we will certainly eventually see, just find it odd, and i will start a new thread about this, that none of this has materialized, as of yet, and they have been screwing each other for over three years, and have lived together on and off, for about a year, i mean on and off, more off than on.......but what has materialized is her spending every cent on taking him out to dinner, buying him oddles of clothes, and his illegal steriods, and him behaving like a twenty year old with a young girlfriend.......etc..... but thank you i pray i can soon be where you are.......

Jaycee

#7 May 3 - 2PM (Reply to #16)

Scoop

Jaycee

She is probably so desperate to hold onto him that she is promising the earth .. Its so sad and a clear indication she is walking on egg shells the same as you where . The narc uses threats of abandonment if he dosent get what he wants .. He is working her the same as you .. thats what they do . Have you ever spoken to this woman ? xx

#8 May 3 - 2PM (Reply to #17)

jaycee

she called me several times before i threw him out to torture me

she called me several times before i threw him out to torture me then tried to call me the night he supposedly beat her up to tell me to let my children know she was having their father arrested, but he was standing next to me, so i just told her to keep away from my children and blahblahblah how she had already ruined their lives, then she got nasty, what i should have said was yes, i know hes here, and hes here everyday, but i was still protecting him. today has not been good going to start a new thread on what he did today......

Jaycee

#9 May 1 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

Redhead1

The OW my Narc left to chase

The OW my Narc left to chase was engaged at the time. So she had her issues too. She is still with her fiancee 11 months later. So my little narc got dropped on his head. A friend of mine told me that she was just playing him. When he wasnt married, he was as exciting. And it makes sense. I had wondered why he kept my pictures up on his facebook when we zero contact. It was probably to make her thing there was some triangulation going on with me and her. Even though we had no contact, she didnt know that. As far as I know, he's still getting her crumbs. Karma!Your Narc is just playing the both of you, seeing who will ante up the most. Normal love and respect mean nothing to them. Just saying I love you and you are the light of my life isnt enough for them. Being kind and good is not enough. Its got to be over the top, I'll just die without you bullshat. Nothing will ever be enough. They are empty and hunting someone to fill them. Not your job! You need to fill Jaycee up with some love. Love on your kids, make them nice meals and let them love you back. They sound like they want you to be happy. So, go do it! I have had a hard time with making things about me, because I never did. I had trouble understanding that concept because of the narc-it was all about him. I am learning the balance of give and take. I wasnt much of a taker. Its ok to take. Its ok to expect repect, love and care in return. Unconditional love is ok, but it doesnt mean you have to participate with them if they are not acting right. I will always care about my narc, but I can't let him abuse me because of that. You owe it to yourself to be happy. God didnt put you here to be his whipping post. He may have put you here to teach him something, but he is not learning. Move on. You're a specialy lady! I hope you soon realize this:)

#10 May 1 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

jaycee

thanks redhead

thanks so much for your kind words and your inspiration, i pray, i too, will someday feel a little better, as for my hN his ow left, divorced her husband and moved right onto waiting for my husband to leave me, he didnt, but she waiting and tortured me until i threw him out. then they both got what they wanted, she got him, he got to go to her without having to look like the bad guy who left. either way, he would have left for her at somepoint anyway, she fought tooth and nail and never gave up, bought him and bought him and fed his ego so incredibly that he couldnt do without her ego feeding......and she has promised him the world, and that is what he wants, someone to take care of him, buy him things, shower him with dinners and clothes and vacations etc....while he never has to feel the responsiblity of being an adult. its like hes twenty again, and he and his girl are free to be and do as he pleases, no restraints, no wife telling him when the bills are piling up, when the kids are hurting, when the dog is dying, etc......you get it. i know i am not here to be his whipping post, but i have allowed it for so long, i do wonder though, how shell shocked will he be, when i finally decide to give it up, and check out of this bullshit for life......as you see, hes never not had me in his life, never, so he might be an angry bear to her..........frustrated his safety supply is no longer available.........i hope i get there then we can all laugh at him, as he and his ow laugh at me.......and boy do they smirk, and laugh at me like theres no tomorrow..

Jaycee

#11 May 1 - 6PM (Reply to #5)

Redhead1

i really feel like you will

i really feel like you will be the last one laughing. WHen he figures out what he has lost in you, he will try to come back. Please, grow strong and smack him back. You deserve more. You cant really love him, he has treated you way to badly. You are just trauma bonded or something like that. I was the whipping post for years and its a hard habit to break. You can do it!! They are sick and disordered. Like I told someone earlier. There will be no "come to Jesus" moment for them when you go NC. Especially narcs like ours. Mine had over 20 years to change and never tried for me or his kids. Not changing for me, I can wrap my head around. But someone who always puts themselves before thier kids-they are not gona change for nobody. My son was born 2 months premature and had bad belly and gas problems. The dr. said his belly didnt get to total maturity before he was born. It would probably take longer to mature, as it was just not ready for formula to be put in it. Our narcs didnt get the develpement skills when it was crucial (sp?) that they learn and develope them. So I figure it will take them a lot longer to develope those skills and mature. Mine never got that actions have consequences. His mom never taught him that and I didnt either. So now he has got to learn it late in life. If he does learn it at all, which I doubt. If he does, it is gonna take him a lot longer. Mainly because there is no one to teach him that now, and it would be up to him to train himself. I am just babbling. I am learning a lot about my own situation just by talking about yours. They are no different. They are all messed up:)

#12 May 1 - 7PM (Reply to #6)

jaycee

redhead

thank you for talking to me, as i am in dire straits these days. everyone here says exactly what the truth is, but im so blinded by my own pain i can wrap around it. mine, like yours, never developed the skills to become a mature responsible loving adult. he has never ever put our children first, let alone me, but for some reason he always puts his whores first, especially this one, i dont know what it is shes got over him, or what it is that she does for him, but he constantly puts her first, but funny how she has no idea hes here everyday, txting me everyday telling me he loves me, but when push comes to shove he runs out the door if its time to be back at her apt, or if shes looking for him. even when it comes to our daughters illness, like when we were at the hospital for her biopsy the other day, i noticed he was picture txtn the whore, ok looser your daughter is very ill and shes having a painful biopsy procedure and youre texting your whore, wtf, give me a break. a mature adult would tell her, listen this is where i am going, i will call you later or see you tonight when i get back to your apt, but no this little boy was picture texting her to make her feel secure that hes loving her while his wife and daughter are around. can you imagine how this bitch would react if she ever knew he comes here everyday, lays on our bed watches tv, begs me to screw him, etc....one day i got home from work and he was under the covers sound asleep in our bed, i said wtf, he said i came home to take a nap mama....mama, i m not your fn mama, so sick of his bullshit, he obviously wants this bitch so why torment me everyday...and yes, he came here first after he drove back from his weekend at his moms and came and layed on the bed with me and our daughter and watched tv for an hour or so, like he was coming home to his family then he left to go live at her apt for the week, but he will be here after work tomorrow to watch tv and hang out with us, and of course, he said mama be ready to take me if my kidney acts up again, ill be here and we can go to the er if it gets bad, as you see, im his mom and i have to take him to the hospital when he gets sick, now thats twisted...............

Jaycee

#13 May 2 - 8PM (Reply to #12)

sara-smile

Jaycee!!!

Good Lord! I want you to read what you wrote and then answer one question for me!!! WHY CAN'T YOU LET GO OF THIS MAN!!?????? If you read what you wrote you have got to be asking yourself the same question!!! He's a horrible, pathetic excuse for a human! He makes me sick! GET AWAY FROM HIM!

#14 May 3 - 4AM (Reply to #13)

jaycee

sara you made me chuckle

that was funny, you are so right, why cant i let go of this monster you mean.........i read what i wrote and thats actually the nice part of him, sometimes i right how nasty he can be, but usually i dont get to the nitty gritty of some of the things he has done, in one of my posts i had said, he came home one morning, after he spend the night with ow, yes, spent the night, i had found out he was there and blew up his phone going crazy leaving psycho texts i was crazy, he came in the house, looked at me slapped me and said, you should have shut your fucking mouth and stayed in the house where you belong,......totally fucken abused me, and i still am here taking this assholes bullshit, because i dont want him with her, my sister tells me, when she actually thinking about it, that fucking scumbag wouldnt know what to do with ow, himself, his life, if you walked away from him and told him never to comeback again, she said he thinks he can do what the fuck he wants.......hes a bastard....and a motherfucker......lol....she

Jaycee

#15 May 3 - 6AM (Reply to #14)

sara-smile

Jaycee

Jaycee.....now re-read THIS post and answer the question. WHY do you want to be with this monster?? Jaycee you're making my head hurt! LOL LOL Girl you have got to snap the hell out of this.

#16 May 3 - 1PM (Reply to #15)

jaycee

sara i dont want him, i just dont want him with her

sara i dont want him, i just dont want him with her. i know it sounds crazy, but the thought of him choosing her over his wife and children sends me over the edge. it makes me crazy......i just want him to disappear far far away and not know who his next ow is going to and never know what he is doing, ever, him living two minutes away in the same town prancing around with his arrogant nasty ow, whom by the way, was so cruel to me, you would be sick, drives me crazy.......i just wish he would move on from her, because like everyone says, if he truly loved her, he wouldnt play husband on a daily basis with me. and he certainly wouldnt want to sleep with me....

Jaycee

#17 May 2 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

Redhead1

Jaycee, you are not his

Jaycee, you are not his momma. I wish I could jump in your body and handle this monster. He'd never be the same again. Kinda like freaky friday. You can do it thought! He is one screwed up human. Can you make him stay away? You really need to go NC. My Narc wanted kinda the same thing, us live together and date other people. I told him he was nuts. I never allowed him to play me with the other woman. Don't let him do it. Tell him he aint man enough to have sex with you. Fight him back even if you don't mean it, then go NC. He will never change!! You deserve so much more in life. I am sure your children and family want to see you move on and be happy. Even when people don't say it, they know what he is. The OW thing won't last long. And you will get to the point where you will be glad he is with the OW. You will be glad he is someone elses problem. Just give it NC and time. HUGS to you!! Listen to the women on this board. They got to where they are from listening to the women before them. NCNCNCNCN

#18 May 2 - 8PM (Reply to #8)

jaycee

wish you could handle the monster, im not doing a good job

redhead i would love for someone to handle the monster, jump right in and take over, cause im not doing a good job, tired of the saddness and craziness that comes from not wanting to let go........i know somewhere somehow, i will no longer care that his is with this ow, but im hoping everyone is right and it will not work out with them either, and hopefully he will move onto the next one. this one is as evil as he is, in a sense they deserve each other, but i would hate for this one to continue thinking she has won, shes arrogant and gloats about my misery, and thinks she has saved him from a psycho like me,,,,,,lol me the psycho, what about the married man shes been screwing for three years, has she not noticed who the psycho is, god this girl is dumb..........lol.....but yes i would love not to care anymore, and you are right hes not man enough to screw me, i need a real man, lol......not a narc..they arent men they are mice..........

Jaycee

#19 May 3 - 7PM (Reply to #11)

SoaperGirl

Dang Woman! You are getting much stronger!

Reading your post, it struck, you are growing much stronger...your strength is coming through your words. You're doing great!

#20 May 3 - 6PM (Reply to #9)

Redhead1

I promise you she wont be

I promise you she wont be gloating the next time she has him arrested. I know how you feel about not wanting the ow to win. Went thru that. It will pass. I am telling you if you will just go NC, in 6 months you will feel so different. Don't let anyone tell you what hes doing, nada, nothing. Tell him to get his sorry ass away and stay. I always thought of ways to get rid of mine. He was a immature creep. I held on to my dream of a home and a family until he smack me in the face with OW. It was over then. He never hit me, but he knew my dad and brother would kill him! He will probably lose interest in the other woman as soon as you disappear from his life. She is just something to torture you with and fill his time with. They do not change. He will die probably just like he is now, screwed up. At first I thought I had lost everything when we split. I lost my home, my son lives there. Everything that I had worked years for was gone when he decided it was gone. BUT, I was wrong. My kids love me, my daughter and I live together. My son stays with him because he has no one. They both know who thier dad is. Daughter has NC, because she cant stand how immature he is and my son just rolls his eyes about him. I have had the last laugh. I am happy that he isnt in my life. I didnt really love him, just trauma bonded. He gave me no reason to love him, he was aweful to me. I deserve better. So do you. THe obsessive thoughts and hurt are there for a while. Its a hard journey. But you are worth it. Its hard to change your course after 20+ years. It can be done:) I hope I am not babbling to much. I know its hard to see the bigger picture right now. It was hard for me too. There is nothing great or wonderful about me that got me to this point. I just knew deep down it was what was right for me.

#21 May 3 - 6PM (Reply to #10)

jaycee

thanks redhead

thanks redhead, everything you said was from the heart and im glad you understand what i am going through and i agree with you, there is nothing to love about these awful individuals, and yes, he may think he loves her and wants her, but if i were to disappear from his life, hed be bored with her, because i removed the xfactor, the third party thrill of it all........i just wish i could let him go and end it forever, because at this point love is not an option, love doesnt exist in this relationship its all about the sick twisted bastard and my trauma bond, which i need to break...........wish me luck and thank you for reassuring me they wont last, that helps me breathe easier......xoxoxo

Jaycee

#22 May 1 - 10AM (Reply to #3)

Redhead1

All kinds of typos above.

All kinds of typos above. Sorry

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