Ive FINALLY got it

soo...
ive started negotiating (well trying to) with n in relation to our property settlement.

As you can probably imagine, its HARD.
It is almost impossible to negotiate with him and he is constantly being cryptic and throwing about word salad. Its becoming increasingly clear that he doesnt want to pay me any of the money i am entitled to.

This morning as I was thinking about what an arse he is being about it all, i started to think about -why is he doing this to me? how can he be so cruel, how can he not give me what im entitled for mine and our babies future- blah blah blah etc etc etc.

Then something clicked. I stopped these thoughts point blank in their tracks.
- this IS WHO HE IS
- He is not being cruel- he is being himself.
- It has nothing to do with me- its all about him.
- He cant help it- its what he does.
- he doesnt want to give me money because that would mean less for him
- he doesnt care because he has NEVER cared and never WILL care, about anyone.

If he finds a new girlfriend-
- she will go the same way
- she is another victim he is setting up to slam down. Its preordained.
- she is not someone to be jealous, she will lose years of her life.
-She will not be his soulmate
-he has no soul
-the cycle WILL repeated
-to be with him is to be trapped
-its not my fault

The reason Im sharing this is that normally i have to work to think the correct thoughts. I have to talk myself through it. This time, I really didnt have to at all. The truth just surfaced in my brain.
Its a big step in the right direction.

Its been about 5 1/2 months since the split. Im looking forward to the next 5 1/2 to see what progress i make. :)