It's a New Day and What a Day!

Yesterday was a real hummer. During my swim workout, I found myself doing some serious bawling...there for a few minutes I felt in crises mode..I may be overstating the situation somewhat..There was still a lot of emotional control going on. I started doing a lot of praying, and I think I was working through a few things. My mind was processing some powerful emotions.

Before it all ended, I came to the realization I don't want the narc back! He didn't find another woman, he found a free ATM cash machine! Let him! It doesn't matter!

I also realized I was much prettier and younger looking than the nw OW although I am about a year a half older. I was blessed with a baby face, and even now in my 60's I think it stands me in pretty good stead, and I have very little gray hair, mostly at the temples (thank you grandma T for the great genes! I could be wrong, but you can see a recent picture of me with this post and I think I have a very pleasant face. JMO.

However, all this is just jibber jabber and and of no importance. What's going on with me now, as I'm feeling really good, like I've finally turnede a corner.

Let the OW keep the narc! She did me a huge, huge favor! I insist!

I was going thru again my Red Flag Loser Profiles last night and this morning: That bastard was eating away at my self-esteem, confidence and indepdentence. (He is THE CRITIZIZER!). The Longer we would have been together (if they had not hooked up, it would have been someone else), the more degtrimental and dangerous it would have been to my mental and emotional health.

Yes, I went through (and still am to a certain extent), some cognitive dissonance, maybe even some mild PSTD, but I had only invested a little over a year in him, mostly by way of a 2,000 mile LDR. Nor do I want to talk with him (I confess I still have a little Curiosity..a little!)

In the end, compared to many others, my losses were small, I feel healthier now than I have in months. No, I don't want him back! No one last fuck (well...maybe a little perhaps!), but he was a piss poor lover with severe ED, so no greatloss there either! I can do without it!

The OW took the target off my back and now it's on hers! I am free! I am healthy, and I'm giong to have an amazing life! Every day I grow stronger, more confident and my wounds are healing. What the future may bring, I don't know, but I'm sure it's going to be great!

Hang tough Girls! It does get better! Everyday the pain is a little less, and yes you can survive without him! You too will have an amazing life! Hanging there - you will be alright!