Is It Wrong to Hate?

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#1 Aug 10 - 11PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Is It Wrong to Hate?

by Anna Valerious

[Preamble: if you don't consider yourself a Christian, please read on...there's stuff in this post for you too.]

A question was brought up as it relates to Christians, "isn't it wrong to hate?"

If it is wrong to hate then God is a sinner.

The arrogant cannot stand in your presence; you hate all who do wrong. Psalm. 5:5

The LORD examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence his soul hates. Psalm 11:5

You love righteousness and hate wickedness; therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy. Psalm 45:7 (This passage is quoted in Hebrews and is attributed to words God Himself speaks to His Son.)

There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him... Prov. 6:16

Obviously, the Christian must acknowledge that hatred in and of itself is not sin otherwise they make their God into a sinner. A sampling of some of the Wisdom books of the Old Testament reveal that righteous men must hate certain things if they are truly righteous:

I hate those who cling to worthless idols; I trust in the LORD. Ps. 31:6

Let those who love the LORD hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked. Ps. 97:10

I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path. Ps. 119:104

I hate double-minded men, but I love your law. Ps. 119:113

...and because I consider all your precepts right, I hate every wrong path. Ps. 119:128

I hate and abhor falsehood but I love your law. Ps. 119:163

Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you? Ps. 139:21

To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. Prov. 8:13

The righteous hate what is false, but the wicked bring shame and disgrace. Prov. 13:5

What you hate is an indicator of what you love. If you love truth, you will hate lies. If you love righteousness, you will hate evil. If you love God, you will hate the works of the devil.

Conversely, if you love lies, you'll hate truth. If you love darkness, you'll hate light. If you love wicked deeds, you'll hate those who live uprightly. Because of the polarization of Good vs. Evil you can't get through life without hating something. To truly say you hate nothing is to admit you are completely unprincipled. To hate nothing also means you love nothing. Christians shouldn't be so quick to pretend there is nothing in this world worth hatred. To someone with their brain turned on these Holy Joes only expose themselves to be a liar, a hypocrite or absolutely unprincipled. Or all of the above.

It is a false righteousness to pretend that you don't hate anyone or anything. These pretenders won't even use the word hate itself in conversation and will chastise you for doing so. They prove themselves to not be disciples of the God they claim to follow by this pretense at perfect equanimity. God is Biblically defined as the personification of the principle of love. "God is love". This is why God hates evil. "All who hate me love death" Prov. 8:36. He hates evil because it brings in destruction and death. God's people, if they are truly participating in His mindset and spirit will also hate evil. They won't be afraid to openly state that fact either. They won't pretend there isn't something out there worthy of hatred.

What you do with your hatred is where sin may come in. Hatred is not justification to do wrong. Psalm 4:4, "In your anger do not sin" gives a guiding principle. Anger is also NOT a sin. If we define all anger as being sinful then, again, we condemn our own God to be a sinner. What you do with anger or hatred can be sin if you use your anger or hatred to justify doing a wrong.

This is where Christians seem to get tangled up far too often. They too easily and quickly condemn negative feelings. Feelings are not something we can necessarily control. In both the spiritual and the tangible realm, we are held accountable for what we do. How you feel should not be the sole dictator of what you do. You are supposed to apply reason and self-control to your deeds because this is where the accountability comes in. You get to choose how to act despite how you feel. Or according to how you feel. It is reason guided by principle which a self-controlled individual will use to determine their actions. Your feelings may or may not line up with principled reason. It would be wise to put feelings in their proper place. What would that place be?

We need to think of feelings as simply a barometer. Bad feelings are telling us that something is wrong. Something is wrong in our environment, in someone else, or in ourselves. Those bad feelings motivate us to examine the situation in order to rectify what we are doing, or to recognize what someone else is doing and determine whether or not it is time to remove ourselves from the situation or person. Bad feelings do not mean we are automatically bad for having them! Bad feelings are information. Use them for that. Use your anger or hatred to motivate you to make a bad situation better. Not to justify doing wrong.

The Bible consistently condemns behaviors. I do not see the Bible condemning feelings. As Christians, we would do well to not condemn feelings either. Be they found in ourselves or in others. What determines our characters are our choices. We can choose to do right even if we are having to battle through difficult feelings in the process. That ability is what sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom.

I'm not going to go into the "hate the sin, love the sinner" thing because it is too cliche' and is too often used to apply misplaced compassion onto perps, to keep people feeling obliged to stay in relationships with evil people, to excuse sins, or simply to sound righteous. In principle I agree with the statement. But we very often fail in the application. I do agree that the more we are able to separate out what we hate from the person themselves, the easier it is to not make our hatred about personalities and make it about principles. This helps us to stay on the right track in our actions. It helps us refrain from vengeance. Separating yourself from an evil narcissist is not vengeance. Be sure you know that. Holding evil people accountable for their actions is not vengeance. Know that too.

I know that I have written yet another post addressing Christians. I think that what I've said can be helpful for anyone though. Good people of whatever persuasion all seem to get pretzeled up into similar knots over these issues. Good people worry about having bad feelings toward others. Good people are concerned about doing right by others and so question themselves more than they question the evil doer. Good people can get befuddled over whether or not their anger is justified and/or evil in itself. So I hope if you aren't a Christian you still see there are useful truths that apply no matter your religion.

Feelings in themselves are morally neutral. What you do with them is where morality or immorality comes into play.

In the same comment this question was also posited:

What is it about Christians being so afraid to register legitimate anger and hatred in general...?

I suspect the answer to this may be complicated, so I won't try to address this at length. A problem I do see is that much of Christianity has substituted the real Gospel with a social "gospel of nice". This false gospel is mostly fueled and propagated by pop psychology. It is psychology which has placed far too much importance and emphasis on feelings to the exclusion of examination of character and the power of personal choice and responsibility. Suddenly, everyone else is now held responsible for an individual's feelings. The new "sin" of our age is when we "hurt" someone else's feelings. With this new commandment everyone is able to lay claim to victim hood while avoiding being held accountable for their own behaviors.

Pop psychology is being blamed by more astute observers for the rise of narcissism in our country. I think they are onto something. Pop psychology has also corrupted Christian thought. Other thoughtful and well-educated people in the field of psychology have called psychology a religion. In many ways it is a religion that is antithetical to Christianity. Attempts to meld the two only robs Christianity of its power.

...keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called: Which some professing have erred concerning the faith. Grace be with thee. Amen. 1 Tim. 6:20-21 KJV

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com

Apr 29 - 8AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

let those who love the Lord hate evil............

i believe this with all my heart....and it extends past Christianity .....LET THOSE WHO LOVE GOOD HATE EVIL....if we are GOOD...then we cannot tolerate or accept EVIL...and we must speak out against it...fight it...... i have always believed this...and i've tried to live it.....
Mar 9 - 12AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Is It Wrong to Hate?

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Nov 25 - 6AM
grossot
grossot's picture

remember

Hatred is passionate. Typically people pleasers such as our selves are understandably passionate about most everything..... Has anybody ever expeirenced this?: Since I've been NC w/N as much as coparenting with one will allow- I feel as though a scab has been removed and I am no longer numb inside. I feel deeply for other; news stories bring tears to my eyes, I see things openly and honestly and recognize my feelings (weather its frustration, anger, fear, joy) much sooner than I have in the past. I laugh so much more than ever before. Daily things that were once so trivial I appreciate now more than I can explain. Could I have absorbed the empathy he never was able to show? http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled
Nov 25 - 6AM (Reply to #25)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

grossot - empathy

Could I have absorbed the empathy he never was able to show? No. They empathy & compassion YOU ALWAYS HAD and that he PREYED ON feels safe to show itself again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Nov 25 - 6AM (Reply to #26)
grossot
grossot's picture

Oh Well, what is that makes

Oh Well, what is that makes us feel like we have to hide it when we are with them without even realizing it? I caught myself yesterday telling N's SIL to pretend like we are not close bc he treats me worse when he knows I've been hanging out with her and her kids. She said "no way! We are not SILs anymore- we are sisters and that's even better! Ill never pretend you are not my close friend!" http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled
Nov 25 - 7AM (Reply to #27)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

empathy used against us

first off, and you pointed out a good example - we know that overload of empathy we have will be sucked out and used AGAINST us. Brown talks about this in WWLP. And so we cover it or numb it out. We realize having empathy makes us too vulnerable to the pathological abuse... so we defend ourselves by squelching it. second - there's a psychological defense mechanism (somewhat similar to Stockholm Syndrome) where the victim starts to take on the qualities of the abuser. This is where victims drive themselves crazy with the 'am I a Narc too?' or 'I abused them, too!' nonsense. It's also a self-defense mechanism to assume the persona of the abuser; in some ways it puts part of our psyche back in control. It does fade once we've gone no contact totally and fading is part of our healing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Nov 24 - 3PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

hating a person is an

hating a person is an aggessive reaction to someone who has caused you a perceived loss. that type of feeling is a re-action to a perceived abuse that led to a loss. It sounds like a normal re-action unless it goes on too long, takes a violent turn against the person, or becomes so obsessive that it affects your health, your life, and other relationships. hating ethnic groups, genders, philosophies is just limiting your options and opportunites for new people and new ideas. hating injustice, crime, poverty etc won't solve the problem you need to take positive action instead of just re-action. all strong emotion leads to body chemistry re-actions. there is a book called "The Brain in Love" and it explains why biologically we are better off physically and health wise loving than hating.
Nov 24 - 4PM (Reply to #18)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

hate

Hating is an HONEST reaction to abuse. Period. Hating means your self-esteem is coming back. I save that Kumbaya nonsense for people who are worth it. Pathologicals sure as hell aren't. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Nov 24 - 6PM (Reply to #19)
MissM
MissM's picture

Probably something wrong with me..

.. because i've never hated exCop not even for a second, or in a dream or in one of the umpteen imaginary conversations i've played thru in my head. I hated my previous exN who truly dragged me thru hell for 4 yrs and revenge was mine in the end. He lost everything and still doesn't know I instigated it. So I do know hate and how it tastes. But this time round it's different. I hate myself more than anything. To the point where I see why he doesn't want to know I exist. I know, intellectually, that's fkd up but it doesn't go away. He has an almost god-like status in my head. Maybe because he destroyed me, stopped my soul dead in its tracks, didn't once flinch or faulter - that's ultimate power, and it's how I now see him. So no, I don't hate him. More of a screwed up, sick admiration. What does this say about me. Do I even want to know?
Nov 24 - 7PM (Reply to #21)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

missm

Well, I don't hate mine either. I really tried to, but other than a bit of sadness and anger left over, I'm sort of just indifferent now. That's probably worse in a narc's eyes more than anything because I guess some attention is better than zero. I suppose if mine was more exploitive maybe? Who knows...I just deal with what is, and that's not really feeling much toward him at all anymore.
Nov 24 - 7PM (Reply to #22)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Indifferent is where you

Indifferent is where you want to be. I heard once that it's like a bobby pin. Love and hate are at the ends, and they are very close, but indifference is at the curved part at the end. That's where you want to be. When you are no longer upset by anything he does.
Nov 24 - 8PM (Reply to #23)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

msvulcan500

Yep, it feels like a good place to be for me. Hard to believe a year ago I thought I was madly in love, and even planning our little wedding and honeymoon. Just shows it's possible to get from 'there' to 'here'.
Nov 24 - 7PM (Reply to #20)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

clearly MIND CONTROL not admiration

Have you read WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS??? He has an almost god-like status in my head this is, IMHO - CLEARLY brainwashing & mind control ON HIS PART!!! Are you in therapy? Are they helping you deprogram? Have you read up on TRAUMA BONDING? time for you to stop beating yourself up for something HE DID! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Nov 24 - 4PM (Reply to #17)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

duplicate

duplicate post
Nov 24 - 6AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

is it wrong to hate?

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
Oct 5 - 7AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

is it wrong to hate?

see top post ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Aug 31 - 7PM
tasha
tasha's picture

hate & rage

I do believe anger and hate are good motivators and does. I think it is dangerous when its turned inwards or in my case I can't channel it or control it. I have become violent- I get so angry now that all the anger from years of abuse sufaces. It frightens me and those who are close too me. I have blind rage. I try not to get angry and I'm getting help for that aswell.And although I hate what the men in my past have done to me, I have to let it go and concerntrate on me.
Aug 31 - 7PM
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Rage

I'm hating too these days. So angry and hurt by the injustice - I really gave him so much and all I ever wanted was to be loved and acknowledges as a human being by him. All I wanted was to be part of his world. And he is out there with someone else not caring, calling me a pyscho. After everything I did for him - so many cooked dinners, gave him my heart, my body, my home - everything. Hmm maybe it's a good thing I didn't end up being his girlfriend! Imagine the extra pain and suffering! I am so angry at the injustice he gets away with. He will be fine out tehre, so much supply for him while I am here lonely and broken. I really hate him and want him to suffer. I tried to expose him but it didn't work...he twisted it around and now people think I am just some crazy deluded girl trying to cause trouble. I hate it. All I had to do was let him come back to me so i could discard him but I don't think I could have done that. Hindsight is a blessing and a curse!!
Aug 31 - 7PM (Reply to #11)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

u reap what u sow

Who CARES what people say? I would put that dirtbag on every exposure site there is! They ALL call us psycho & scorned - so what... they say all types of sh*t to silence us and embarrass us - because they are so afraid of everyone finding out. I got this for 2 years after exposing Psycho-Boy but in the last 18 months (5 years later) I am starting to hear from people who are getting doses of what he's really like and validating me. It took a while but it was WORTH it! we get the last laugh. We can go on to have a life - they however are INHUMAN and DISGUSTING. cupcake you aren't describing rage - you're describing disappointment. To me rage is wanting VERY MUCH to put a gun to their heads and pull the trigger so you can watch what they call brains splatter on the wall behind them. That's how I feel about a lot of my Ns.
Nov 24 - 10AM (Reply to #12)
Sinead
Sinead's picture

I get that rage a lot

To the point that I asked if he cause trouble to people I know in a business that they call me so I can handle it (as in knock him out!) I dreamt of many occasions where I broke his neck, stabbed him, shot him etc etc, it was just suppressed anger coming out in sleep. I still feel I could hit him hard and I worry about it as there's truth in the statement there's a thin line between love and hate. I have hated him for years, whist still in the relationship I hated him, for treating me as he did, for allowing me to initially love him yet having nothing in return. Now I alternate between indifference back to hate, but hate only returns when I hear he has victimised someone I know.
Aug 31 - 7PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

VICTIM RAGE

I have been really mad the past couple days, I picture him in his life, all his ladies and his little pretend GF he keeps around. I am mad because I ended up nothing more than another statistic, is it wrong to hate? Hate is not what I feel for him I get nauseated when I picture him in my mind, sick feeling seeing him laugh behind my back and calling me just another c--t as I am sure he is, I feel sick I was taken for such a ride while he laughs. How does one deal with this part? I can recover from the experience and I will do the work I need to and by the way I am ordering the book now as I type, but what I need the most help on is accepting this and moving on I look back and get SICK
Aug 31 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cynthia

feeling sick is normal. VERY normal. they are sickening. Just disgusting creatures not even worthy of the oxygen they take. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Aug 11 - 6AM
justwantpeace
justwantpeace's picture

My therapist said its not

My therapist said its not wrong to hate, its how you use that. She said it can be an aide in helping you process what you have gone thru and begin to heal. She said God gave us those feelings to let us know something is wrong. She said you can be angry also but sin not. That was when she suggested finding constructive ways to release that anger and hate you have for the other person.
Aug 11 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

so true!

Personally I find anger & rage very motivating. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Aug 31 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
dolce (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

what kept me stuck as a christian

There's a question asked. -Then Peter came to Jesus and asked him, "Lord, how often do I have to forgive a believer who wrongs me? Seven times?" Jesus answered him, "I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy times seven. My N said he had seen the light and would become a christian after he found out I wouldnt marry a man who didnt share my basic beliefs. Immediately after marriage, this "christian" unleashed his true self. This passage kept me hooked. I think he was depending on that.
Aug 31 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

forgiveness

you can not forgive a crime in progress. I will never forgive my Narcs, even my Narc Mother because there was NO REPENTANCE or ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF WHAT THEY'D DONE. For a X-tian take on forgiveness: http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2007/07/forgiveness.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/02/forgiveness-or-lack-thereof.html http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/12/forgiving-one-who-deserves-forgiveness.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/02/testing-for-repentance.html In Judaism, someone who's harmed you must come to you at least 3 times for forgiveness and it requires a full acknowledgment of what they've done to you and sincere request as well as a provable promise of change. If you still can't forgive after all that - then even God doesn't really forgive. Since a Narc would never do that or admit to anything, I'm in the clear. ;) Besides I am sick of these animals using religion to control us. Their God is themselves. PUKE! and... definitely NEVER forget ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Nov 24 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
Sinead
Sinead's picture

We have a slight difference

In Islam, we are not allowed to hold a grudge for more than 3 days, but that is for minor things, for major things, God will not forgive if you do not forgive the perpetrator so it is advised to seek forgiveness in this lifetime because it is too late in the afterlife. Forgiveness can really only be given to someone who genuinely wants it and is remorseful and repentant. That does not describe pathologicals so on that note...there is no forgiveness!
Aug 31 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

is it wrong to hate?

SEE TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Apr 29 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

It is not Wrong to Hate Them

READ TOP POST we were targeted by predators... hate is what they deserve... IMHO ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller