It WILL all be O.K.

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#1 Jan 5 - 9AM
DLP75's picture

It WILL all be O.K.

It has been a little over four months since my female Narc dumped me callously with a phone call after ten years together, and I have not spoken to her since that day. We saw each other on the road the week before Thanksgiving, and when she tried to get my attention I did not acknowledge she was even there. I’m here to say that with no contact, it does get better. After reading as much as I could on Narcissism and coming to this sight, the main problem that I have had so far is getting my mind and heart to agree. I made up my mind that there was no way on God’s green earth I would subject myself to her torture, so my mind has been good with this. My heart on the other hand has kept telling me I miss her, which has been very painful. Every time I would miss her, I would have to go back to the data I have obtained in my memory, and have had to ask myself why I miss her. It seems that most of what I missed was the beginning of the relationship and actually not much to miss as the relationship continued. It’s been very hard to “label” this once sweet, fun woman, as someone who was not capable of loving me as I did her. I have gone over and over Narcissist trait lists, and although as I said I didn’t want to label her, she fits within seventy-five to ninety percent of the traits. Although it hurts to think that I invested ten years of my life with someone who acted as if they loved me to get their needs met, once I realized that she is just a hollow shell and will never have a deep loving relationship, it helped me to move forward. It also has helped me to know and admit that I have had, and sometimes still do have an addiction to this woman, which was hard for me to admit because before her I was a very strong and confident man. The good that has come out of this is that I am convinced that I am a genuine person who can truly love in spite of how I’m treated, I just need to set my boundaries and not cater to my next woman’s desires solely, but to expect love back if it’s truly a love relationship. I just wanted to write this to maybe help someone by saying that one of the best things to do to keep recovering is to continue with the support Lisa’s site has to offer, and even though it seems obsessive at the time, read and research as much about this disorder as you can. I actually read Lisa’s book about four weeks from my break up, and then have read it again in the past few weeks. It’s amazing how much more I got out of it as the fog was lifting in my mind. I’m definitely not over her completely, but after realizing that not only did she steal my entire being while with her ten years, she has continued to steal my life seperated from her for four months. That in itself gives me the incentive to realize the sick individual she is, live my life to the fullest without her, and thank Almighty God that I am rid of her. I hope this helps.

Jan 22 - 6AM
midnight7's picture

Wonderful post DLP75 - so

Wonderful post DLP75 - so accurate. It [really] WILL all be O.K.
Jan 7 - 3PM
Hunter's picture

Keep the NC buzz

Keep the NC buzz alive.. Hunter
Jan 7 - 10AM
sista's picture

Looking forward!!

Great inspiration for all!! Thank you for your honesty and reasurance yet again that I'm not alone in this battle. Like you my mind is in a place of understanding how destructive this N was to me yet my heart still feels the love I truly felt for him!! The battle continues but we will be victorious!! xo
Jan 7 - 5AM
TooSoft's picture

They do leave a hole in our

They do leave a hole in our hearts and with an immense sense of loss that is hard to quantify. You seem like a very grounded person,kind and caring to me:-) I think the head and the heart do not see eye to eye in the aftermath of a r/s with a narcissist. Our hearts don't want to believe the person we cared about and loved is disordered and is capable of acting so cruelly and callously towards us.
Jan 5 - 9AM
Sparrow's picture

DLP, what a beautiful post!

DLP, what a beautiful post! I, like you, have had to learn to set boundaries, not just with my narcs of course, but with everyone. It's a beautiful tool to possess! So happy to hear of your continued success with your journey! Keep up the great work! Posts like your, are what the members need to read, and know, that one day, they will be writing the same messages as long as they continue to forge forward in their recovery. Thanks for sharing and good luck with your healing!