Is it this simple?

Are we really spending all of this energy trying to reconcile something that is at its center very simple?

We care that those around us are happy, but don't have a basic need for them to be thinking about us.

The Narc doesn't care at all about whether you are happy or not, but has a need for you to be thinking about them when they want you to.

If this is true, then maybe we should ask ourselves why we subject ourselves to being in relationship with someone who cares not one bit about our happiness. Quite a dilemma for us being stuck in that pointless turmoil.

And even more confusing still, due to their disorder they will never find true peace or happiness....only temporary ports or "plug-in devices" to maintain their need for attention and adoration. We had become a giant USB Port for them to download into. On our side of this equation, why were/are we insistent on wresting love and intimacy out of an emotional vacuum (vampire). Looking for water from a dry well? Exercise in futility, anybody?

Our best excuse for our behavior is that we were uninformed fools. That works for me. But now, I cannot claim ignorance, or stupidity. Only pride and an unwillingness to see and accept the truth held me back. I pray that we be fearless in our willingness to see the reality of what these relationships really are. I hope we all can see the non-reciprocality of it all. None of it adds up to anything that can work out for us. And it never works out for them, because their disorder is permanent and actually right out there in plain sight if we will only see it! Nobody finds there way here until the mask has fallen.

This isn't bad news people, it is great news! Freedom from delusion and illusion, we can begin to see. And with that comes peace and emotional safety....something most of us have been without for far too long. The mask looked so tempting and luring, so safe and complete, yes? But under it was truly our worst nightmare, and complete emotional carnivore was lurking, and will devour all in it's path.

A good reason for steering clear of these narcs is simple...they stay focused on their task, and their task is a completely selfish one. They never deviate from it....everything is plotted for them to get what they need, and what they need are hostages for their use and abuse. Fill them up and get the fuck out of their way, sometimes at the same time, it seems.

A Narc will never get what they want from us, and we will never get what we need from them. Simple concept. And it is true. Untangle yourself from the mess and the endless maze, and you will see it finally. You got stuck in their game, their agenda, their program, their insane life....the reason we feel we lost ourselves is because we did! No more need to blame, or even judge them. When we finally truly know what they are....we can walk away from all of the chaos and destruction they require to keep the games alive.

ds