Is it more mind games or do they ever have a moment of true insight?

"He even said "I think I am a good and nice person, but only when it suits my wants and needs." This logic doesn't work. You can't turn how you are off and on. If he isn't good and nice all the time, what is he all the time? The answer would be bad and unkind. So, he's bad and unkind all the time, but pretends to be good and nice some of the time when it suits him. Sick. Assholes.

The only time mine ever showed any move towards self-reflection was when no-one else was available or willing to reflect him. As soon as someone was, his capacity to self-reflect vanished in a puff of foul-smelling smoke.

But it never lasts. Never. Mine has cried and revealed how he is, told me he doesn't want to be "that guy" anymore. It only lasts until some NS rolls around. I have no sympathy for anyone who claims to be so "self aware" but does nothing to change what he feels could use some improvement. It is my opinion and I apologize in advance, but this guy is going to email you and voice his concerns about what his wife would think? Wow. Sounds like a real altruistic guy. Stay as far away as you can. Xoxo

I am not a bad person and I can't keep beating myself up. I can't be by myself because all the bad stuff keeps coming back up and there isn't a day when I don't think about everything bad I have done. But, never ever changed what he did and how it did it. Each NS had to fall into his life and abide by his wants and needs - demanding job (in his mind so their needs were always secondary), all consuming obsessional hobbies and last but not least his mother'sc constant needs because she was so irresponsible - she so knew that he would always pick up her pieces through guilt. The only reason I stayed around so long was because deep down inside he knew he was disordered and I feel he wanted to get out of it but had no way of knowing how. I got fed up of hitting my head against a brick wall. It was time to save me. Dee x

I think that that they know something is seriously wrong with them. Since they do know right from wrong they know they do a lot of things that are just plain wrong. My NH sometimes acted like he didn't know what was wrong with him. Sometimes he would say things and I felt that he was finally realizing how much of a pig he is and I think at that moment he was realizing some things. SO yeah I think they do have moments where they see who they are and they hate what they see. However, they cannot change it and don't know how to. They are who they are. i personally do believe sometimes they even try to change. At this point I am not sure that when they try to come back they always are intentionally putting on an act to win us over. I feel that they do see their wrongs and try to change but to change is too exhausting to them and deep down they don't see how they can benefit from the change. So they revert back to the same ol asshole they are. It takes a lot of work to work on who you are. If they did try to work on it, since they have so much to change, it is totally exhausting and to them it is not worth the work. I believe with your guy he may realize somethings about himself and it may be sincere at the moment but later he will probably change right back into the scumbag that he is.

if he's dishonest to his wife...why would he be honest with you? that's just how i see it. he wants to suck you back in... when people want to change they just do it. they don't send out emails declaring it. he's a jerk. keep moving on. :=) stay strong

I think they know that they manipulate. They master the art of manipulation, after all. Who knows why he said that to you... could be an admission of his pathetic life or it could be to get you to want to fix him or understand his plight and be with him anyway. Maybe he is doing some soul searching, but don't let that fool you into thinking he has changed or will change. he may see how he is, but what is he doing about it? Mine said to me at the very end, "I hope you stay single while I get my sh#t together." I asked what he was doing to get his sh#t together. He laughed. All i know is that NOW if I date a guy and he says anything like, "I have demons and am an imposter and don't deserve what I have and I hurt people," I am going to say, "ok then, thank you and goodbye. I want a guy who has angels and knows who he is and what he wants and what he deserves and loves himself and therefore can love me the way I deserve to be loved. I want a guy who does good deeds for the sake of doing good and because he IS good and cares for those around him and is liked and respected by others. I want a man who loves his life and can truly share it." And if he tries the to play the victim crap, i'll play the world's smallest violin and wish him well as i walk out the door.

It is so disturbing when they hoover like that. I would be overwhelmed with compassion if i ever get a mail like that from my Narc. Sorry to dash your hopes I think is just bending all the way to try to win you back. N are very spineless they can bend forward and bakwards all the way to get what they want. I have to borrow this from hunter "delete delete delete". Be strong! Hugs

It's all of the above!! They know who they are, I think they fade in and out of reality! It's also a move to manipulate you for supply!! Nice,after two months of silence you're suppose to feel sorry for this assclown?? Click and delete! His clouded head is his problem!! Hunter

These disordered people are entirely full of crap. Seriously. There is no revelation with this abuser. Plus he's MARRIED? What a joke. He already knows he pretends to be a "good person" when he wants or needs something- that's what they ALL DO! They know they have to act nice "sometimes" or they would never be able to manipulate ANYBODY. "He said if his wife knew what was in his heart and mind and the things he had done she would be crushed." What an asswipe.

yes they do know what lowlife,s and scumbags they are...these things are usually said when they are in a depression...speaking for exn and what he said was, if i think about it i put it out of my head...then said its a pity everyone doesnt do that, and what he ment was after he has treated someone like shite...he will disappear..think about whats gone on , put it out of his head, come back and the victim is supposed to have put it out of theirs.....they know what they are, they wouldnt want to be with people or having unlimited supply if they didnt cos if they didnt have this ,they would have to think...UNBEARABLE FOR THEM...so cos they never face their mistakes[and most people go back with my exn] without saying anything about it...so he is never going to try to redeem himself, cos he thinks..1 they have put it out of their minds, like he has and 2 he cant be that bad as they have come back for more.....