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Is It Love?

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#1 Jun 12 - 8AM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Is It Love?

by Anna Valerious

How many times have you tried to rationalize the narcissist's behavior by convincing yourself that they really do love you if in their "own way" particularly if the narcissist is your parent? How confused are you as to what love is and isn't due to being raised by perverted-thinking narcissists? By perverted I'm using the broad definition of perversion which means to wrongly use or corrupt something.

Love is an internal principle. You can't impose it from the outside. To attempt to gain love or compliance illicitly always involves the external rule of force. A narcissist wants you to prove your love for them by forcing you to bend to their rules.

* A forced obedience is no obedience at all, but rather it is slavery.

* A manipulated obedience is no obedience at all, but deception.

* A purchased obedience is no obedience at all, but bribery.

* An obedience rendered in fear of adverse consequences is no obedience at all, but self-preservation.

All the above statements bring clear memories to my mind of my mother's methods in raising me. She used every perverted and externally imposed force to achieve compliance. There was no way to assuage her anger and rage, her petulance and sulking, her explicit or implicit expectations except by total compliance and capitulation.

It is never about love with the narcissist. They are incapable of giving or receiving it because life is always about getting their way. Force is always involved when getting ones way is not optional in ones thinking. Love can't use force and remain love. Love must woo, entice, attract. It is the beauty of a loving character that attracts. The narcissist has a twisted, ugly, and evil character which becomes apparent if you find yourself under a narcissist's power and control. To keep you in their power they must use force otherwise you would leave them to rot in their personal hell alone. Recognize it for what it is. Don't call what they do and say "love". It never was and never will be. They are tyrants and despots in their hearts. One of the powerful tools of enslavement of your soul is by their perverted definitions of love. Their demands for obedience always involve force in some form. If you are complying to their whims, wishes, commands from any of the above motivations then you are not motivated by love for that person either. You are their slave; physically, emotionally and mentally. Free yourself. That is what real love requires. Real love will not aide and abet evil.

Love = freedom of your will and your soul to do right.
Force = slavery of your will and your soul to do evil.

Are you a slave, or are you free?

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2007/02/is-it-love.html

Nov 15 - 2AM
Barbara (not verified)
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but I loved him...

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Sep 26 - 5AM
dolce (not verified)
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My exN still "loved me"

My exN still "loved me" after he broke down the door, hit me, pushed me, cheated on me, lied, took my money. He still loved me. They are crazy. Don't call it love. Exactly right. ~Free to Be~
Sep 26 - 11PM (Reply to #10)
NanC (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

How did we allow them to

How did we allow them to take our money?? My xN talked me into getting a credit card and maxed it out, he talked me into getting a bigger tv and never paid for it, he talked me into giving him a car that I had (and he would pay me back) and never did. WTF??!! Were we drugged or something? His other ex gf after me said he talked her into getting a bank loan for him and never paid on it, ran up her cell phone with porno calls and texts, didn't pay it, stoled her deceased husband's coat, took her son's high dollar cell phone,omg! The lists goes on and on...
Sep 26 - 11PM (Reply to #11)
Barbara (not verified)
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MIND CONTROL THAT'S HOW!!

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/18/youve-been-brainwashed-part-i http://www.nlpmind.com/images/ss.gif http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/28/am-i-under-his-spell http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/18/youve-been-brainwashed-part-i#comment-1492 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Sep 25 - 11PM
Barbara (not verified)
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was it love?

SEE TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Jun 15 - 9PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

The Fast Track is for Racing - NOT Relationships

by Sandra Brown, MA We live in an instant society: instant messaging, drive through food, microwaves, text messaging, ipods — just about anything we want NOW we can have. No wonder we have confused technology speed with relational speed. After all, isn’t this the decade of speed dating and ONLINE dating? The problem is that there is no way to rush intimacy. Speed dating does not = relationship security and knowledge. There is only one way to know someone and that is through time. There are no short cuts. Many people think that if you substitute the time you would spend with someone over a year of knowing them and squeeze that time into a 24/7 relationship, then you will get the same results. Very often there is an inappropriate pacing in relationships in which people early on begin to spend 24/7 with a new person. They give up their outside hobbies, friends, families, and lifestyles. They think & are made to believe that if someone WANTS to spend 24/7 with them, they must be ‘really into them.’ Over the years as a mental health counselor, I have found there are a number of reasons why people want to rush relationships. - Sometimes it’s because they want to usher you into the center of their lives before you find out their history. They want you really tied-in before you find out why no one else has wanted a relationship with them. - Other times it is because the person has a hard time being alone. That is never a good sign. The inability to be alone is often related to other mental health issues. Fast paced dating can be a distraction away from their own feelings and issues. (And - Online Dating is populated with pathologicals! They lie on their profiles, lie to those they are dating and cause untold havoc. The horror stories outnumber the success stories 20:1! But the dating sites keep that information from you.) I always suggest that the woman be in charge of the pacing of the relationship. If she has been 24/7 with someone, stop! Not only because it’s unhealthy but also to see what he will do with the changing of the pace. Make other plans, see friends, don’t be so available. Healthy persons will accept the pacing change. They may not like it, but they will honor it. Unhealthy and even dangerous persons will blame, shame, and guilt you. This should be a red flag as to whether this person is someone safe to date. Rushing a relationship — whether it’s dating 24/7, moving in early together, or marrying within the first year is a mistake that renders not enough time to truly know a person. This includes the person's ‘true’ (as opposed to 'stated') background, their character, and maybe their own dangerousness. It takes time to build a healthy relationship. It takes no time at all to imitate one. http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Feb 25 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
rache
rache's picture

HITS home

my ex N started out getting angry if i did not avail myself 24/7 and he admitted he HATES to be alone!
Feb 25 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
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Is It Love?

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Nov 15 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
4joys4
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It's so far from love. It's

It's so far from love. It's evil. Its so cruel.
Nov 15 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

It's so far from love

none of us walked away from love, like you said we walked away from a criminal and a street thug.
Feb 25 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
rache
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walked away

from pure evil.
May 9 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
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Is It Love?

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller