It is because they are predators

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#1 May 30 - 7AM

Amazed

It is because they are predators

I could never totally relax with the exN psythopath.

It is like I was always on edge.

I realize now that I had a deep, quiet distrust of him. Hypervigilant, but more than that.

Distrust because somehow I sensed his ruthless, deviant, evil side, that would cross any limit if it meant him getting what he wanted.

It is a feeling, that is not just like "oh there is my man checking out other woman, it is that he was devising ways to con them in my presence, while feigning to me that I was the only woman in his life.

These guys scheme 24/7

They are always,,,thinking of ways to deceive and maniuplate.

To very unnatural levels.

I rememer working with my exN, and he randomly said "you don't mind that I was a virgin when I met you".

Me, thinking here is my sweet new love, this great guy who just came out of a painful divorce needed me,,,what a bunch of crap.....

What is really evil is that they plant these seeds all the time with their victims....

Off time,,when you are not even thinking about the relationship, just going along in it, and they make statements designed to fool and cun.

They are so evil, I am so sickened about it right now.

Have you all ever noticed this before?

#2 Jun 2 - 6PM

betty2020

The Meer Cat

I use to call him the Meer Cat. He was always looking over his shoulder like someone was going to catch and eat him. It was so bizarre. His behaviors and actions were so strange at times i would just stare at him in bewilderment. I spent every waking moment trying to figure out his crazy world inside his head. Nothing made sense. Even his sentences or phrases didn't flow in any normal manor. He never spoke much of the past or the future. When you have a normal conversation with someone they recall events of their past and draw correlations to the present. He never did that. I would see something that reminded me of my past and talk about it. Not him. He was so secretive. Now i see why. I read something about them having to go back to delving in degradation when the Mr perfect mask is to much for them. I believe this was his problem. He lived in a fantasy world of sleaze. Always thinking about his next hooker, sex slave, teen girl, ect.... He was completely removed from the reality of me and his children especially in the end and it was so obvious. The Meer Cat survival is fairly good unfortunately due to their paranoid instincts. I use to love Meer Cats. I hate them now.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#3 Jun 7 - 7PM (Reply to #27)

Lola1111

wow. This should have been a

wow. This should have been a red flag for me. He never could talk about his past without bringing up two ex's he hated and said was crazy. I even asked him once that he had to have more than those two and when he replied I watched his arms fold in front of him, he got all defensive. i felt like I was prying by asking. His daughter told me it was because he didn't have alot of serious relationships. This guy was married three or four times not quite sure yet. the first one he won't even talk about. the second one was annulled by her. the third one was molested as a child, he says they never had sex. I told him I thought this was very weird. I asked why he married her. and he said that she needed his protection. He bragged about it. and then I found an article where he beat his elderly fathernlaw up and tried to extort 85K from him and was arrested before he could get any money. He told me he didn't get involved with people unless there was a purpose. I believed he meant spiritual purpose. He said he needed to help people. Now I see that he only wants to take from people. But he has an image that confuses me. He gives people money, throws big dinners and does all the cooking, he is super sweet, buys everyone dinner. I just dont get it.

#4 Jun 7 - 8PM (Reply to #28)

hitandrun

Lola1111

My exN-spath confused me,too. Always the "nice guy". Throwing big dinners, cooking for everyone, buying everyone's drinks, babysitting for family.Always polite, impeccable manners, helping everyone out and giving them money. When he would get really drunk and wasn't around anyone but me, he would say " I hate people." It is of the utmost importance to a Narc to preserve his public persona. What's underneath the mask of goodness is putrid. Strange indeed.

#5 Jun 13 - 3AM (Reply to #30)

Scooters Mom

give,give, give

Mine would give money to others constantly and do repairs for people and was nice as pie, well until he told me about what a loser that person is and how he is always being used and everyone has borrowed something from him and he has never borrowed anything from anyone and when is it going to be his turn???? on and on. But he used money all the time to buy peoples respect which was fake respect because at one point or another these people had all seen his other side and knew how he was but still asked because they were desperate. Sad Sad life

#6 Jun 7 - 9PM (Reply to #29)

TNR1

They need different confidants....

They play people off each other, that way they can present their best side with whoever they are with and someone is ALWAYS a problem. I'm sure Mr. N complained about me to his "friends"...although I never met any of them.

#7 Jun 2 - 8AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

ticking time bomb........

i was living with a ticking time bomb strapped to me...any sudden move....and my entire world could blow up... i was living with a terrorist.....whose goal was the complete destruction of my and my world....i lived every minute of every day on HIGH RED ALERT...scanning the radar...doing reconnissance...i know all about HOMELAND SECURITY...about trying to protect my pets, myself and my life from a crazed terrorized with a bomb strapped to him...willing to blow himself up in order to destroy the enemy.......which was us.......and finally nothing could stop him..... he did it... â€œI do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog

#8 Jun 2 - 10AM (Reply to #25)

Janet

Your mention of the colored

Your mention of the colored alerts reminded me of living about 4 blocks from the twin towers in the years post 9/11. When the colored would go from orange to red I was so anxious (of course). Fast forward to those years with N - same feeling. So tense, just waiting for the next explosion, which was inevitable. Really glad, REALLY GLAD to be free from the daily torture. Peace. J

Peace. J

#9 Jun 1 - 7AM

helldweller

Eggshells

I started to realize after about a year and a half that he would deliberately start fights or cause trouble in order to get the time he needed to pursue his other lives without me-especially to get rid of me for the weekend, whether or not we had plans already. For example, we were going to a wedding one Saturday for his friend, and I knew he didn't want to take me. The night before he was visiting me and, out of the blue, he just started saying, "You don't love me." Over and over. Like a hundred times in an hour. It was so weird. There had been no argument, no incident to make him say this. I was totally devoted, loving, attentive, always kissing him, smiling at him, being with him. It got to the point where I was crying, begging him to stop. Finally, I exasperatedly yelled, "Fine! I don't love you!" He said, "I knew it." He even had a tear in his eye. He got up and left. I followed him to his door in my lingerie, crying and begging him to stop, pleading for him to tell me why he was doing this. He closed the door in my face. The next day, when I called to find out about the schedule for going to the wedding, he wouldn't answer. He texted me and said, "Never mind. You don't love me. I'll go alone. Have fun today. Thanks a lot." He would do this all the time. I always had to make sure I didn't let him get to me if the weekend was coming up, or if we had something planned, because then it would be off. The last time I saw him we had plans to go to a book release party for one of his friends. I swear for the whole week before he was dropping bombs to get out of it. We would be together and the texts would be coming in nonstop and he wouldn't turn off his phone; he announced, "I'm thinking of moving into a smaller house because there is too much room for just my foster child and me." (he was living in the house he built for my daughters, myself and him) Stuff like that. I gritted my teeth and said nothing. Sure enough, the night before the party, his child told me they had gone to the ex-girlfriend's house the night before (when he told me he was too sick to have dinner at my place). I exploded and, guess what? No party.

#10 Jun 1 - 7AM (Reply to #23)

Barbara (not verified)

big babies club

just this weekend, when exNH noticed I got a new A/C he had a tantrum he doesn't like paying for it, despite it being my DOCTOR'S ORDERS and explodes on the kids for needing it too. When I went to put the kids' A/C back in their window - I noticed he had deliberately cracked the frame. BIG BABY then he exploded telling the kids "your mother yells all the time" The kids looked at him like he grew a third head... they said "Mom never yells, you do" of course that just set him off more. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#11 May 30 - 2PM

cynthia (not verified)

Good Topic

I was NEVER at ease with mine, sooo nervous because I knew he was always studying me to find my weak points. When I WOULD have a comfortable moment (very few) he would start correcting me or asking questions, or immediately start to make me feel very insecure and unsure of myself. These guys scheme 24/7 They are always,,,thinking of ways to deceive and maniuplate. You got that right, and arent they quick when you catch them off guard with a question they didnt expect, and you know they are lying. Everything I did was always wrong. In other words if you want a good dose of low self esteem and feeling unsure of yourself just go hook up with one of these creatures when you are even with them they make you feel like a dysfunctional wreck and they are soo perfect. They are evil things to do that to people, people that love and care about you want to make you feel good about yourself, if you want to feel good about yourself stay the hell away from them forever.

#12 May 30 - 10AM

GIJ

Sick under currents always emminating....

Mine casts a negative vibe all around that permeates anyone in his space. Chaos and confusion reign. I only witnessed it live twice, thank God. Watching his staff in continuous meltdown was a more common occurrence that went on for months and was the root of much of my CD. At this point I see either he hires other narcs or, more likely, he brainwashes them to work as his agents to do his bidding. My live times presented some of my first real clues. His staff would behave one way with me and another when he was around. Around him, they seemed beaten down and oppressed, dreading being around him and tip toeing carefully. Like they had no freedom to be who they are. Oddly, most would cover for him. Not sure why. But they have admitted that. Perhaps it was their own CD. Many became paranoid - (I now see I was witnessing them at peak PTSD) So I agree with the 24/7 scheme for sure. How else could this guy con / brainwash and use his staff and all the rest of us so thoroughly if he wasn't always "on" thinking of new ways to destroy lives, livelihoods, and spirits all while building a kingdom of followers who worship him because they haven't had a peak at the man behind the curtain? Always grooming fresh meat. Sick and sad. I pray that goodness permeates him and he explodes from the inside, taking his business with him so he can no longer hurt anyone else. Total predator.

#13 May 30 - 9AM

Susan32

It's sickening

What's sick is that while there are bullies who are open about disliking you, Narcs/Psychs toy with your feelings,and ACT as if they like you. As I told my ex-N, it wasn't the romantic rejection that I minded-okay, so we're incompatible, I can move on-it was the way he treated me: the refusal to take responsibility, the public humiliation, the outright lies. It sickens me that I was going out to lunch- for 3 years-with a man who saw me as lunch. It sickens me even more that he might've enjoyed it if I had attempted suicide because he romantically rejected me. He ENJOYED hurting my feelings. Sickens me to this day.

#14 May 30 - 7AM

enoughalready

predators

Yes, I think of this often. How devious my XN was throughout 5 yrs. Numerous times I gave him options to leave our relationship as I sensed disloyality. All the miserable times I spent crying over someone who was deceiving and lying to me. It's sickening to know what delight he had knowing how much control he had over me. And even more sickening is how I came back and took it. I lost so much respect for myself and couldn't understand why I was so addicted to such a mean verbally abusive thing. The brainwashing and mind-bending games he played on me. Pure evil!

#15 May 30 - 8AM (Reply to #2)

Amazed

The addiction and its harm

The addiction is to the feelings they gave you,,,isn't it? He had be going through such a rush, and it is very depressing to realize the control they had over you, and yes, delighted in having that evil manipulation. Ultimately, their manipulation is to lead to their victims' destruction. Literally. I just wish people really understand how dangerous they are...and we need to latch onto the gratitude for having the fortitude to stay away from them. They poison your mind, your body, your spirit...Thank you for sharing your experience, and hope the best for a happy, more fulfilling life for you!!

#16 May 30 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

ACgirl

Addiction and out of control are the perfect words....

It wasn't until I found this website did I fully realize and comprehend it all. And as each day goes by I am getting flashes of moments I blocked out of my mind because I didn't want to see it at the time. I am remembering all the times I felt he lied, but didn't want to really believe it or didn't what to confront him about it. There were times I saw things around his house that made me think another women was there, but I was "too afraid" to bring it up. Now here is a thought....why would I be too afraid bring it up? It was because I was too afraid of loosing him, I was too afraid to stick up for myself and appear like I was insecure to him because he would just throw it back on me or make is seem like I was paranoid. How evil of him. He is cheating and lying and I am too afraid to bring it up? What happened to me? I had this weird computation that if I appeared "strong" I could overcome this and he would "see the light". Nothing was more far from the truth. All it did was make me stay in a loosing battle that just caused me years of pain. But I couldn't stop to seeing him, I had to keep going thinking I could change him, that he would see the light. But there is NO LIGHT that these men can see.... I have learned so much from this website. He d&d'd me twi weeks ago for the 6th time,(at least) and with that, I had my ha-hah moment, finally. Now, I am allowing myself to remember all the bad stuff. The funny part about the "withdrawal" is that I am glad I have FINALLY allowed myself to realize how bad it was, yet I miss "it", whenever "it" was. He totally manipulated me, lied to me, and did whatever he could to keep me around because he was so afraid of being alone. He showed me and said wanted I wanted to hear, but they were empty words. So there was no "it". It was just a photograph from a magazine. So, what I am really missing is that photo, because he was NEVER really there, and that is painful. But the great part is that when you come off a drug, you can finally see the light and how beautiful life will be without the drug. We need to just think of it clinically just like that. We are getting off a drug and pretty soon....the world will look like a better place. I know that it will because what I was involved with, this N, was all wrong. I send my love to all of you on this website for being there for each other. Here's to us and a better life!!

#17 Jun 2 - 1AM (Reply to #5)

broken23

I wonder why I became like

I wonder why I became like that...he was lying and cheating and I was afraid to confront him. I too thought if I seem strong, give him space, show him I trust him, treat him like an adult he would change his ways. Boy was I wrong. I still don't understand why I was sooo terrified to confront his lies and lose him?

#18 Jun 2 - 6AM (Reply to #7)

MsVulcan500

You Know Why

You know why you became like that. He brainwashed you into thinking he was the only one for you. He made you feel like you were the problem, not him. He made you feel like if you didn't have him, no one else would ever love you. He made you doubt yourself instead of doubting him. He did all of it, and unfortunately, like all of us, you fell right into the trap. Not because you are stupid or naive, but because he is that good at what he does. They go through their whole lives using and manipulating people with no regard whatsoever for anyone else. It's very hard for us to understand since we are normal and can't imagine treating people like that. But they don't think of other people as people with emotions and feelings. We were all just put on this earth for their entertainment. And when we stop being entertaining, they are done with us without a second thought. They suck. And the aftermath of their actions is huge. This is why NC is so important. It keeps him from having another opportunity to draw you back in by brainwashing and manipulating you into thinking his lies aren't really lies. In the short run, it just seems easier to fall back into his web because this is all so hard, but in the long run, we are all lucky to be out. And the hard work we are doing is going to pay off. Just keep up with reading, therapy, and you will get to that place where you accept what he is and you are better off without him in your life. You have a chance at having a full life, and he does not.

#19 Jun 12 - 12PM (Reply to #17)

sher1221

this is so what I am feeling

this is so what I am feeling right now. He is pressuring me for contact..by text I don't respond. Because I fear any contact will lead to manipulation and what feels like brainwashing and I will be sucked right back in. I just don't understand this power he has over me.

#20 Jun 12 - 7PM (Reply to #18)

Barbara (not verified)

sher1221

a book called WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS will explain how he's done mind control on you and why you are feeling the way you are: http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/women-who-love-psychopaths-book-center ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#21 Jun 2 - 4PM (Reply to #9)

broken23

thanks ms.v i guess that is

thanks ms.v i guess that is exactly how i felt, but its hard to understand how he programmed this in my brain since those words/phrases were never used by him...that noone would love me, or he was the only one. thats why i find myself wondering did i do this to myself? but i suppose years of just and cold actions over a period of years that kept me so utterly confused could result to this kind of thinking and fear of confrontation? i do truly believe that i am better off and lucky to have been discarded by that piece of crap. Just many days filled with self-doubt about when i got so weak and started being happy with use and abuse.

#22 Jun 2 - 10PM (Reply to #10)

MsVulcan500

Mine never came out and said

Mine never came out and said anything like that to me either. But I always just had this feeling like I was "almost" good enough. And now I know I was conditioned to believe this so I would try harder, to be more of whatever it was that he wanted. And I fell right into it because he always had me thinking I was sooooo close to actually being good enough. You didn't do this. He did this to you. But that's also part of his brainwashing, making you believe you were the problem, not him. He made you doubt yourself. And when you doubt yourself, you aren't as likely to make that jump and leave his sorry ass! Remember, they want everything on their terms, even the ending.

#23 Jun 7 - 4PM (Reply to #16)

helldweller

Almost good enough

Yes, we were all "almost good enough," but we just had to try harder all the time to "prove" our love. When I would go off the deep end after he cheated again or lied again or stood me up again, I would cry, "What do I have to do to be good enough to be a part of your life again?" He'd literally say, "Just love me." Or "Just keep trying." Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick.

#24 Jun 7 - 4PM (Reply to #13)

helldweller

Almost good enough

#25 Jun 7 - 5PM (Reply to #15)

happydaysahead

Yep

After 6 years, mine told me a while back that if I was good and if I gave him everything he wanted and if I did what he wanted, he would "think" about marrying me. OMG, yeah dude, you are the prize !! GAG !!

#26 Jun 7 - 5PM (Reply to #14)

broken23

that is sick. i used to be

that is sick. i used to be so confident thinking im a gift to any man. now in the back of my head i always have a voice saying youre not good enough to love. its sad. he took all my self-esteem.

#27 Jun 2 - 11PM (Reply to #11)

rainbow1

So true

They do want everything on their terms! Everything! They think that the world revolves around them! Or at least mine did! Both times that I was D&D'd I realized that I was confronting him more about what he was doing and I was trying to leave him. Both times he broke up with me the conversation started with me trying to leave him then by the end of the conversation I would be begging him to stay. I never noticed it until I looked back on it later.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#28 Jun 3 - 1AM (Reply to #12)

ACgirl

That happened to me too!!

This last time he D&D'd me it started out that I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. Then he sent ME an email saying he was ending it with me!! So, then I send him an email back saying to him..."why are you ending it now"??!! How stupid of me. I ENDED IT with him, yet he sends ME and email saying "we have no future"?? They always want it on their terms. They are Jedi masters of manipulating emotions and of lying.

#29 Jun 2 - 3PM (Reply to #8)

smileyfacepr

WELL SAID

msVulcan....u hit the nail on the head!!! TY hugs

smileyfacepr

#30 Jun 2 - 6AM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

izzy23

brainwashed FEAR - they TRAIN US to be like that ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#31 May 30 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

happydaysahead

Always walking on eggshells

That's for sure. I, too, am having the flashback moments. Moments I should have seen and caught on to, but NOPE--I was too fooled by his lies. Kept thinking, we have been together for 6 years, I know he loves me, he is just going thru some stuff. Yeah, stuff alright--all my stuff and the OW's stuff. Nothing but lies and lies and taking and taking !!

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