IS IT ALL ABOUT SEX TO THEM ?

my N is JUST like yours. word for word - your post reminded me of him. I have no idea. I don't understand the relationship bt PDIs and sex. I hear mixed things and nothing really consistent. Ladies are there articles that might explain the sex thing? Mine is obsessed with sex and he has tons of women just for sex. He whines that he has no friends, but he doesn't keep friends! He looks for little girls to be his "friends" and we all know what he really wants from them.

This time it was not about sex at all. It was about all of the emotional stuff. In fact he went out of his way to tell me he didnt have the stamina he once did. In fact when we were younger we had a ridiculous amount of sex. He didnt talk dirty to me at all. Always referred to sex with me as making love and when he went to have sex with me lost his erection. So so so weird Any ideas??

since mine was a sexual predator, YES that was ALL it was to him. I know in a way they are all sexual predators because of their constant cheating but MINE had a calculated predatory plan for us. To win my trust, love and then want sick group encounters with other men or women, 18-60 he didnt care. Didnt care if they were butt ugly, he would say what does that matter. I know now that is why in the last two years he only saw me every three times, one on one sex was not what he wanted. When we were together he was very very charming and very attentive to what I enjoyed, he would hold me when we slept. During the entire sexual encounter he would put suggestive ideas in my head while we were having sex, saying things like, now wouldnt you love another man with us pleasing you, or another woman giving you oral - I would actually answer in the heat of the moment and say, NO I just want YOU, he got so damn perverted wanting a man to come all over me while he watched, and asking if I would like to watch another man suck his D, and how he would love to see two men F me, I mean it DID NOT TURN ME ON, it made me want to cry, it hurt me deeply that I was never enough for him. I had to talk like a prostitute to him also, he demanded it, pulled my hair and making me say what he wanted to hear, that was towards the end, he got ROUGH, with choking and forcing me down on him. He would say, I am sick of waiting for you to bring us others you better get on it, he actually sent me out one time to a bar to try and find someone to bring back, I NEVER WENT though I just lied to him and said I had no luck, I sat under a tree and cried for an hour that is where I really went. He had ED often, I recall when I came back to his house alone he said, no lucky huh? and he said, well you might as well just go to sleep then here for the night, for the first time I sat up and said Fuck you, I am not someone you can pimp out who the hell do you think you are? I am leaving, he started laughing and said you arent going anywhere come to bed baby. He tried soothing me but I knew at that moment I had to get this man out of my life before he totally destroyed me. I think he was sadistic, masocistic, sex addict, and a dangerous sexual predator. I will say even our FIRST sexual encounter was NOT RIGHT, something was off because I had knots in my stomach, I know he was on viagra because this man carried on with me for hours, I think I got dehydrated seriously. It was non stop sex for 8 hours, I could hardly walk the next day,when I look back on it now it was like he was ACTING in his sweetness towards me, I was RAPED that day and I didnt even know it.

I'll say this though. He was a great lover. He used to call me 'lover.' Pet names for each other. But, he was very giving in bed. Always wanted to make me climax. But...remember, he and I were long distance. I think he pretended to be so giving, because he wanted me to attach myself to him in this way. When we have sex...chemicals are released that literally bond women to men. Moreso than men to women. Women therefore feel this attachment. I will say some other signs that he was obsessed with sex was he told me a lot about his sexual trysts with other women. However, I liked hearing about them. (I know, I'm weird, lol) I am very conservative...sometimes frigid. Hearing about these wild escapades...it made things hotter. Why I share this is because he told these ''stories'' willingly at first. Then, over time...he'd become resentful. Angry. It became another source of control...isn't that weird? He refused to tell me anymore stories. I didn't care that much, but found it so outrageous that he didn't mind in the beginning, but once he knew I enjoyed them...he stopped. That's my take. Another thing that comes to mind. When we went on a week long trip to the beach when he came to visit...no matter what I was doing...could be brushing my hair...looking in the mirror...brushing my teeth...He'd come up behind me, reach under...and rub me. It was sexy at first...but after a while...I noticed he didn't respect my space. He looked at me one day during that trip and said...''your body is mine now. If I want to touch it every 2 minutes...you have no say.'' Strange crap like that. I should have run for the hills then... He was obsessed with strippers, also. Obsessed with me dressing like one for him. So...sex became a very strange topic over time for us. I also remember he didn't 'like' the fact that I could make him 'hard' over the phone. I remember him saying...''Dee, no one has ever had this effect on me, I don't like this. It's not fair.'' We would laugh, but he was quasi serious. He would then say...''that's ok. when we're together, I'll control you.'' Again...run for the hills! :P I just think that at the end of the day...everything they touch, becomes very dark. Including us, if we let them. :=(

I dont know about this one. Round one we had a ridiculous amount of sex. This time sex was not his priority it was the emotional thing. In fact when he went to have sex with me he couldnt. He tried to make it cold and impersonal but he couldnt. I read that Narcs cannot have sex with someone they believe they love. He told me you have to understand sick of it this isnt just sex for me. At first I blamed myself but if Im being honest I still think I look pretty damn good for my age and he commented on it many times. So I know it wasnt that. I think most men could get an erection staring at a naked woman even if they werent that attracted. Nope this was a whole emotional thing going on with him. I believe in his mind he deemed the Madonna and couldnt treat me like a whore his mind wouldnt let him do it.

Sex to a narc is great supply. Mine has never cheated on me but if we weren't having sex as much as he wanted or if I wasn't admiring him enough he would threaten getting it elsewhere. Before me N had many women just for sex but they were just "friends" of course.

Yes...and I don't mind talking about sex...it was fun and flirty and exciting in the beginning. But, he would say things like (being away on this job)...''I need sex.'' or I would say to him...''I miss you,'' and he'd say...''Me, too...I think it's only going to take me 5 seconds.'' Huh? Or...''It will be so nice when we're together.''

Sex is about the only way a Narc feels connected, and even then, it is not the same as a bond that a normal man would feel but more of a "high" so to speak...what they are experiencing is the chemical high our bodies produce in the act...no more no less..they are getting their high. That makes us their "drug supply" which is why, they troll everywhere and have so many women and sometimes men...

My exN used to want more sex when we were going through a bad patch and when I said I didn`t love him anymore and I didn`t want to be with him he would say that I must of used him for sex.He didn`t understand or didn`t want to that I couldn`t say no to him.It would go on for hours me trying to explain and him saying I had used him.In frustration I said why would I want to have sex with someone that makes my skin crawl.

This is a very intreresting thread for me, because mine wanted sex a lot, and wanted long sessions of it, with breaks in between for cigarettes and drinks. I can't really describe it. We never had intercourse anymore after the first year, but there was so much of everything else, and in this very ritualized way. I couldn't kiss him, coundln't touch him while he was touching me. He would say, "Let me do you" and I couldn't touch him until it was over. He also didn't want me to look at him and didn't seem to understand that a lover would WANT to look at her love during sex. I would have to block out several hours of time, at my house, with the children gone, so that we wouldn't be disturbed. In the end, we would have plans to go to dinner, and he would insist on sex before and after, and we'd never even make it out. It was awful. Just four hours of this ritualized, rule-laden activity, never in bed but always on the couch or floor, ending with him going home and my rug, couch and towels covered in bodily fluids and feces. It was so lovely in the beginning. So tender and intimate, and no one ever kissed me like he did. He was such a wonderful lover. In the beginning, though he preferred touching to intercourse, he would make love to me sometimes, or welcome it if I made love to him. But he took little by little away as time went by, until I realized I was less than a whore. Much less. Hell, his foster child's mom is an actual prostitute and he at least calls her once in awhile to chat! The strange thing to me about this thread is the money issue. He never asked me for anything. I gave him gifts and things, as girlfriends do, and I paid for his front lawn to be redone, as a sort of encouragement for him to finish our house for us, but I never actually gave him money or anything really substantial. I found out later that one of the other women gave him money on a regular basis because he told her he was broke(he is a judge who makes 150K a year and has never had a wife, child or anyone to support, and his parents were wealthy and left everything to his brothers and him). She would pay to fix his car, and she bought two rooms full of furniture for "our" new house because he said he couldn't afford to buy any. She also gave him money to help him support the foster child, because he lied to her about how much money the state gave him, and said he couldn't support the child and would have to send him back to the group home. For his last birthday, she gave him a flat screen t.v. When I told her he had a flat screen t.v. in every room in the house she couldn't talk for about fifteen seconds. Literally speechless. So this money thing was a huge shock to me. Like I've said before, he was extremely cheap and he took whatever I gave him, saying thank you very much very politely, but he never actually asked for anything or took money or substantial things from me. It freaked me out that he was doing this with her. It seemed to me like that was just the thing he had chosen to exploit with her, as he exploited sex with me. With her, they had normal intercourse, maybe once when she was in town. Nothing like the crazy stuff he did with me. It really is fascinating, and very disturbing.

mine just went with me for the whole time, he was too afraid of asking women out but the relationship in and of itself was 99.9% sexual related, heavy heavy emphasis on sex all the time, I cannot remember hardly any talks of substance like normal couples do in addition to great sex. The only time i felt like we were on the same page and as partners, was when we were looking at homes to buy together, that was it, otherwise I felt he and I were on different planets. Sex is huge for these men and is a means of controlling the women, because for me sex was the glue that kept me going back off and on for 15 years .Mine wanted money,MINE,, as well as sex!

As I have experienced...mine uses it as a control techique.

it can be anything with a narc, but they consider sex a bonus b/c once they have had sex they think they have control and thus ownership.

and one is picked for money as well.....