inverted narcissist

I know what you mean.. I'm a very understanding bloke or at least i think so.. and sometimes i feel I've been a doormat (especially in my last relationship) and no woman wants that. However sometimes you want something to work so bad you're willing to do anything to make it work.. even feeling like you are becoming someone else. Its weird i really felt i was losing my identity.. I was trying to be the person i thought she wanted me to be, and that isn't right. In the process you can feel that you have the narcissistic tendencies.. i know i do at times. And i feel that maybe there's something wrong with me perhaps i attract a particular sort of person, maybe i do. But I am learning to listen to myself.. to know whats good for me.. and in that way i will know whats good for my(hopefully) future partner! Chat to people on this site.. post comments.. get feedback.. you will heal, you will get better and stronger.. i promise. And yes there are some good blokes out there.

Tica, I'm not sure what the term "inverted narcissist" means either but it sounds like you're applying narcissistic traits to yourself. I've found myself doing the same thing lately as well. I think everyone has some narcissistic traits but most of us keep them in check. I've read that when you're closely involved with a N, you sometimes believe you are a N yourself. But I feel certain that if you are questioning your behavior and trying to be introspective about your true self (inadequacies and all), you are probably pretty healthy. If you were truly a N, you wouldn't think there was anything at all wrong with you and it was everyone else around you that had problems. If you feel that way, find a good therapist. I also believe that if you are hurting, truly heartbroken because of the hurtful behavior of a N, you are a normal, loving person - hopefully that comes as a relief to you. More than likely, you may have "co-dependency" characteristics that attracts you to N-types and draws them to you as well - they need someone who will take their crap and stay with them and expend effort to try and "fix" the relationship. Also, my N made me so crazy that I started acting in ways that I knew then and know now are not "me". I got very upset with this lies and had rants of my own. I started treating him in the same way that he treated me - not answering his calls or texts, gaslighting him back, flirting with men when we were together, etc. - just to give him a taste of his own medicine. It drove him crazy! (yeah me!) But recognizing that I had turned into this person is one of the reasons I had to end it and get out. Eventually, you HAVE to step back far enough to "see the forest" and reclaim yourself and a "normal" life. Try to talk to whomever you can about this to get the right perspective, since a therapist isn't an option for you now. This site has been excellent for me to maintain a healthy perspective on the truth of this disorder. Stay strong! Terri