How do you know if he is an N? Iâ€™ve read many posts on your website and appear that most Ns are very controlling; my x was polar opposite of controlling, he was extremely liberal.
I left him after finding very suggestive emails he wrote to several females. I found this to be inappropriate and went on an on again/off again relationship. Mid 2007 he â€œtook a brakeâ€ from our relationship saying that he needed to reconcile my â€œissueâ€ with emails that meant nothing. My continued insistence that he had cheated had taken a toll; he loved me but needed a break. This was no problem; he lived over 60 miles away from me.
I was physically sick, drinking a lot, taking pills to sleep, crying uncontrollably, and yesâ€¦ suicidal. He changed; he was irritated by my state, aloof throughout this ordeal but called me daily, as a matter of duty. I had a serious breakdown and embarrassed to say that I was hospitalized. This reaction really took me by surprise. I am the type of person that is exercises emotional control, strong and confident, intelligent, yet loosing this person took me to the brink?
I found out that during the period he was â€œreconcilingâ€ he was dating, at least one female I busted him with and later I found that he was listed on â€œMatch.com.â€ He was furious and told me hurtful things but none more hurtful than â€œlet me stop by your home and help you kill yourself.â€ Realize that this was the â€œfirstâ€ time he had ever told me hurtful things. He at one point convinced me that he broke up with me and was not â€œtaking a breakâ€ as I had understood.
Why then would we talk every day, at least twice a day and why were we intimate after our â€œallegedâ€ break-up? I moved 2000 miles away from him but we work for the same company and I was just an email away.
Itâ€™s been over two years since our breakup and certain that I was over him. He applied for a position in my department and yes, stupid selected him for the job and now Iâ€™m his boss. Yes, he moved 2000 miles to be close to me or for the promotion?
Itâ€™s been a year since he accepted the position and itâ€™s got to the point where he appears to be indifferent. Here and there heâ€™ll make comments like â€œI saved all the poems and love letters I wrote me when we were together.â€ He tells me that if I move again, he will follow me. He continues to date others and wants us be friends and â€œhang-out.â€ Does this sound like an N person or is this my ego rationalizing?
This was a 4 year relationship. Is this a â€œfell out of love situation?â€ During our courtship, I recall telling my friends that he treated me very nice, he was extremely attentive but it didnâ€™t feel like love, it was more like he â€œread a bookâ€ on what to say and do around me. I have not been able to find interest in anyone else, Iâ€™m damaged goods. 0
Often I find myself missing him and wonder if it is the â€œhoneymoonâ€ phase that Iâ€™m trapped in? Again, I want to run away from him but can I really escape? Iâ€™m looking for answers and perhaps that will bring the closure that I need!