The insidious ones

You cannot live, you cannot breathe Without your pretense of power. You truly cannot love And the love of others, their vulnerability, Disgusts you. Wow! This is powerful and to think you didn't know about narcissism when you wrote this. It is a dead-on description. Thanks for sharing! Isn't the power of writing so healing? Please post this under "The Importance of Journaling" so it's easily accessible at all times.

...Every word of what you wrote was true to the deepest core and it would have fitted my thoughts of my Nacr husband perfectly... I could have written it almost... crzy isnt it? Except I am still his only soure of supply. The only idiot-fool, stupid enoff to fall for his drivel and get pregnant... so alas he will keep 'trying' (TRY being the operative word) to 'play' with my mind... I have to say that YES.. me too... i knew before I met my Narc husband... that there was something about the men I was attracting or attracted too that was 'screaming' out about limited empathy and limited emotional abilities. There were warm one minute and then emotioinally cold and withdrawn, agrressive and I often saw the 'blank' expression so often discussed here.... And I too wrote stuff that I look back over and I cant believe how I didnt look for more information at time. If I had I may have been more prepaperd for the trickey and level of deviousness that was coming... I was journalling and getting stronger and if I had not got pregnant I know for sure I would have left Narc husband as soon as he showed his true coulours. I had a lot or bad relationships when I was 'looking' to be loved... A combination of "how ignornat/naive it is too look to be loved and not to love your self first" and "meeting men who are predators of those kinds of co-dependent people" But in my favour I always got out, some longer, others soon after meeting. I got with the programme soon enough with most guys! I saw in them, what I didnt undertsand or like and made a sharp exit... I just think that all woman here who have not gotten tricked into becoming a parent, who have not yet become the 'always obtainable' source of supply should take heed at this point.. I knew all along something was wrong (I guess) and yet my Narc husband managed to woo me and lull me into a false sense of security. he scouted and profiled and made a picture of who I Was and who he wanted me to be...he made a play for me that would show how clever he was. In the past he has bought me expensive presents that he cant affford to show me how he knows me and loves me. I had always wanted a piano since I was a child and one day he bought one for me. I instantly forgave him for all the arguing and all the fighting. All the bullying nad belittling was forgotten in a second... STUPID EH??? He seemed so dear and he was making this apparently very kind gesture that showed, he wanted me to have this special deep meaningful present that was more about how he had remembered how I wanted one than the cost etc... He said that he put me first becasue he was going to buy himself a intument but he didn't becasue I was more important. AWWW sweet eh? It was just devious PROFILING!!!! It later transpired that I would never get time to play it and when I did (when he allowed me mummy free time) I would ask him to listen to my music, but he refused because of an array of different reasons which he gave which sounded quite reasonable at the time????! Never satisfied his nit picking b*ll shit would only rea-appear so he would try to think of other things that would make him seem thoughtful to do... he did this a lot... I used to fall for it everytime... others though to him as a real diamond bloke... Behind closed doors when out son was small and he came home to find a weak wife and a crying baby and he hated his job and felt tricked and trapped and resentful.. he would unleash his wrath... Your piece of writing reminded me of that.. and made me so happy in a way... that I am where I am today and that at least I know the stuff about narcissism, NPD, PTSS, PTSD, and other such condtions that I never understood properly before.. I am still mid thirties and there is a possibility of me, possibly meeting someone someday who is not like this.. but until then I am gona enjoy getting to know more about what I want from life and how I can give my son and myself a happy, peaceful life using non-violent mode sof communication and empathy.. thanks for this. Its just amazing to read. Perhaps your femail-intuition is very powerful. its good that the information on Narc-ism is available to us now so we CAN ACTUALLY ACT upon that intuition.. x

wow thats so strange you wrote it before and it is so accurate about them. i often find i also wrote alarming things in my journal before i knew about narcissism. no support no affirmation no love thats so true. such selfish users.

and yet "nailed it." Very deep and descriptive. They are masterful at destroying our self-esteem and yes, so noble to put up with us. And when they dump us, they leave us to beleif that it was our fault; and let's not forget how they LOVE us the day before it turns to hate?!?!?! Thank you for sharing Sarahb, it's inspirational!