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INDIFFRENCE

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#1 Nov 5 - 5AM
Used
Used's picture

INDIFFRENCE

I have been NC over 2years, and i relized today that i am here as a MOD to help people get where I am.....and not b/c of him anymore.....
I no longer give DAMN what made him like he is, I no longer care weather his mother loved/didnt love him, I no longer care that he never takes responsibity for any thing he does, under the guise of...MY MOTHER DIDNT CARE ABOUT ME...odd how his siblings say they don't know what he is talking about, his mother was great.....I no longer care weather he was abused or not b/c who would ever take the word of a patholigical[or the boy who cried wolf as i used to call him...]I got to know him so well, he was my NF,NM.EXNH, he was so many people I have known thru my life, who never once apolgised for the hurt they have inflicted on people all their lives....I blocked him on f/b not to get back at him, but to not want him to even have access to see me, I have now put my photo back on my profile, b/c he said to me once, even if we were not together, he still got strength from seeing my face, so I took my photo off my f/b profile...nows its back on...cos it doesn't matter to me anymore ,weather he see,s it and gets strength from it...I no longer care.....I cannot even be bothered saying bad things about him, or calling him names b/c, in a roundabout way, he is ,in part, responsible for the good place I am in my life, after sorting out why I felt drawn to these toxic people, and finding the answer,and why It will never happen again, for that I am grateful....not just to him, not just to lisa and this forum, but to myself, that I was brave enough, and had enough strength of character to face evey demon i have ever know, and fought them and won....
indiffrence is so wonderful...as for my narc, by his actions i went NC BECAUSE I BELIEVE THE PUNISHMENT SHOULD FIT THE CRIME..
IT DOES, BECAUSE I NO LONGER CARE......

Nov 5 - 4PM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Used

Indifference is so freeing. You are so right to not feel the need to worry about him seeing you, because if it doesn't intrude on your personal being or affect you, then who cares! He will just cause himself misery. HE IS MISERY I'm happy for you. You have earned your Black Belt! Congrats, Ruby
Nov 5 - 4PM
a65703
a65703's picture

*Cheers for you* Can't wait

*Cheers for you* Can't wait till I reach sweet indifference!!!! Each day with NC, I know and believe I am.
Nov 5 - 4PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

This is great used!! I'm to

This is great used!! I'm Not to indifference .. I dont care what he does but I'd love to see that SOB.. Suffer... What he did to me, What they do to us.. It's not ok... Maybe I'm a better Hunter model than I was in 2009... But am I really??? Hunter
Nov 5 - 9AM
Sea
Sea's picture

Dear Used, congrats! Finally

Dear Used, congrats! Finally living a life for yourself is so sweet. No more narcky burden. The narc was a burden. Only if we truly let it down dump it in the bin and watch city trash truck take it away that we can genuinely feel we are there. I have dump it in the trash, in process of watching the city trash truck taking it away.
Nov 5 - 7AM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Congratulations

Dear Used Am absolutely delighted for you. It is such hard work but once you get to the place of indifference it must make all the hard work so rewarding. You're an inspiration to us all. Dee x
Nov 5 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
Used
Used's picture

THANKYOU...UKLADY....

THANKYOU...UKLADY....
Nov 5 - 6AM
Winter
Winter's picture

Wow Used, congrats!

Thank you for this wonderful post. I need to hear it. Total indifference is my goal and my dream. I feel much better after 5 months NC, but still not at the point of the total indifference. Still got triggered by his stupid email... Sometimes I can't believe I will reach this point. But your post lifted me up. There is hope. Thank you.
Nov 5 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Used
Used's picture

winter

thankyou for your comment, winter their is always hope...i also went NC with my exnh 2 years ago, and tho I wouldnt wish him bad,as we have kids and grandkids together...I HAVE NO INTEREST IN HIM EITHER... What helped me immensley in NC, was not just thinking about the shitty things he [exn] done and said, but the real clincher was one day I was thinking about how addicted i was to him,an it eclipsed everything and everone else in my life....SO I THOUGHT OK, IF I BECOME AS ADDICTED TO NC AS I BECAME TO HIM, SO THATS HOW I DONE IT...I KEPT A DIARY OF THE DAYS I HAD STAYED AWAY,ALL THE HOOVERS ALL THE PATHETIC EXCUSES HE TRIED TO GIVE, ALL THE SORRYS, AND I WOULD BE THINKING I AM OVER 4/5/6/7 MONTHS NC , I AM NOT GIVING UP NOW, IN THE SAME WAY I ONCE WOULDNT GIVE HIM UP.... NC ,IT BECAME A ADDICTION AND I BEAT IT...NC BUT NOT ADDCTION NOW...ONLY INDIFFRENCE....THE LONGER YOU STAY NC, THE MORE YOU CAN SEE HOW SICK AND SPITEFUL THEY ARE....GOOD LUCK, I WILL BE ROOTING FOR YA.....USED XXXX