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I'm thinking he is really gone

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#1 Jun 12 - 12AM
happydaysahead
happydaysahead's picture

I'm thinking he is really gone

Well, it has been 7 weeks tonight that he left to be with the OW. The last email I got from him, actually the only email I got from him after he left was about 5 1/2 weeks ago. This is the longest it has been since we have not communicated in 6 years.
I am just feeling like this time is different and he is gone for good.
Kind of bittersweet--I'm a little sad and a lot relieved. I'm still having a lot of bad days, but it is getting easier. I am not getting weak !! I am not wishing contact !! But it has just hit me hard tonight !!
I guess I am like some others on here, I want him to contact so I can go NC on him. Isn't that silly ?? I guess it would be my own crazy way to feel some sort of closure.
Just a yuck night. Sorry to sound like such a big baby !! :(

Jun 12 - 11AM
nhtmf
nhtmf's picture

7 weeks

In narcspeak 7 weeks is nothing. Sort of the opposite of dog years, I guess. 7 weeks is infantcy, can't even sit up on your own yet. But before you know it you'll be rolling over, crawling, standing, walking and then running. Running free and happy to enjoy those days ahead. Hang in there, you got a ways to go but the other side is worth it................
Jun 12 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
happydaysahead
happydaysahead's picture

See ??

So I am just a big baby !! LOL Thanks for the responses nhtmf and introspection !!
Jun 12 - 1PM (Reply to #9)
nhtmf
nhtmf's picture

Yup, and once upon a time,

Yup, and once upon a time, long ago..............we were all narc virgins too !!!! Boy did we ever get screwed.
Jun 12 - 12AM
Introspection
Introspection's picture

Not silly at all....

Not weird at all sweetheart. Your breakup is very recent and it is expected that you will have some good days and bad days. I understand that you wish it was you doing the dumping and ignoring and not HIM. I guess its because we wish that THEY felt SOME feelings for us and that they were NOT really non-humans, mis-wired or robot people. They are!!! Normal people can not one day tell you and make you feel like they LOVE YOU and leave you a day later for another woman...that is not normal. I understand some fall out of love but it should be gradual and you FEEL it; with Ns you never see it coming. You are doing well and are on your way to recovery. If you make contact with him again, you will prolong your pain. Many hugs sweetheart and keep it strong!!!
Jun 12 - 12AM (Reply to #2)
happydaysahead
happydaysahead's picture

Thanks !!

Thanks for the cyber hug !! It is just a bad night but I am doing my best to just hang in there. Actually, this is the first night in a while that I have felt so blah. But I guess I am bound to have some blah days, huh ??
Jun 12 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
Introspection
Introspection's picture

Happydaysahead,...

Yeah, there will be some "blah" days and if they are no longer frequent, you are doing REALLY well...took me about a year before I started having more better days then bad ones. You are doing the right thing, when you have the "blah" days, reach out to us for strengh; that is what we are here for. Tomorrow, wake up early and go have your nails or hair done, it'll make you feel sooo much better OR go for a walk in the park...fresh air and daylight always lifts my spirit. Much love sweetheart!
Jun 12 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
Janet
Janet's picture

It does get better, but, oh

It does get better, but, oh yeah, some real "blah" days; some real "WTF was that?" days. It is all just so hard to really, really accept and get past. But, I will say, each day is better without that creep in my life. I just feel so sorry for his son. Peace. J

Peace. J

Jun 12 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

I feel like you do. I am

I feel like you do. I am about 6 weeks since I last spoke to him and about 3 weeks since the last email. I have known him for 7 years and we were involved for about 5 years. He and I have broken up at least 6 times, but for me too it feels like this is the last time. I know he was toxic and bad for me. He was such a N. He left me for someone else, though he didn't tell me that, but I know because he cheated to me and lied. But he always talked about forever with me, marriage, yada yada yada. I still cry and have good days and bad days. I am still in shock at night. But, in my heart, I KNOW this is better for me and my kids. Sometimes at night, I go into my little boys room and listen to him breathe so that I can find some calm and peace in my heart. If mommie is drained, how good a mother can I be? Right? So, we need to be strong and remember.... it is so wrong what they do to us. It is unhuman. They are toxic. There behavior is NOT normal. I went to church today and prayed that this pain will go away. And I believe that God has a plan for me that is good. Please believe it in your heart that things will get better and the pain will go away. All of us here know that we were betrayed. Our hearts were betrayed. But in the end, we will be better for it.
Jun 12 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
happydaysahead
happydaysahead's picture

I agree

If I am having a bad day, I just look at my son while he is sleeping and thank God that he has blessed me with such an incredible kid !! All I want for him is happiness and I sure wasn't getting it from the N and as the saying goes "If mama ain't happy, nobody's happy" : ) I went to church tonight and OMG the sermon was incredible. He said God just wants us to dance, to be happy. And when I saw one of the message board topics about Just Dance it put a smile on my face. For some reason, today at church, I had this overwhelming feeling of relief. God does have bigger and better plans for us, we just need to believe that and stay strong !!