I'm so mad at myself!

I am so mad at myself. After 29 days of NC I made the mistake of reaching out to my XN with a simple Hey! It ended with me at his house sleeping with him and crying over "how on earth could you do this to me?" I recently found out that he was "in contact" with OW from our town. I know this woman. I know this woman's history. I am sick to death over this woman.

We ended our relationship on 12/12/12 when I saw his phone and she text him. I flipped like we do and went absolutely crazy. He then proceeded to take her away for New Year's with my ticket and has since been hanging with her. He also, besides suffering from NPD, has E.D. I am so sick that she is getting the best of him and I am feeling so abandoned. I am afraid that she is gonna get fooled just like I did and just like his wife before.

When I saw him this weekend he gave me the whole story about how he was so happy to have someone interested in him that he needed to put himself out there and give it a chance with her. He said that it is nothing serious and that he could never have the connection with her that he has with me. I put him on a pedestal and there he is out there giving it a chance. I am sick. I don't know how to calm myself, I am so anxious. I am wondering how a new woman is going to deal with his E.D. I faked it most of the time to make him feel good. I know, that's crazy.

I know this man is bad for me but why do I want him so much????