I'm not coping at all...

hi everyone,

I was discarded by my ex (AS / narc ???) in October last year. I just can't seem to move on. We had been arguing for about 2 weeks when he suddenly discarded me. I had suggested a break up but only as an impetus for change, he had begged me not to, and then a week later I had begged him not to and he went totally cold and never spoke with me again.. until 2 months later when we needed to sort out some belongings.

I don't know if he was a Narc or AS... he was certainly unusual at times - a bit emotionally blank, not interested in me sexually from about 2 months into our 1.5 yr relationship. He did not connect with my family and friends. He was very very selfish and used me financially.

I am not all innocent in this - I have a history of depression and anxiety and am quite insecure at times, and this caused constant need for reassurance in the relationship and constant anguish when he seemed disinterested sexually or emotionally.

The end was the worst thing though - I never expected him to walk out of my life so suddenly and not look back. He had promised a proposal in January this year (the week before we broke up) and by December he was with another girl.

I can't get over him. I try and try. I remember the relationship wasn't perfect. I try and convince myself he was not good for me. But he never hit me, never cheated on me (to my knowledge), never really got angry at me or caused me any harm.. other than his apparent disinterest.. He'd say he loved me more than anything.. but he always seemed distant and more absorbed in music and art than me.

I don't know if it was all my head. But does a normal guy just leave his girlfriend when she is depressed, suicidal and begging him to talk to her. Does that coldness in his behaviour have any justification? I am not an easy person to be with, but I gave him so much love, attention and financially stability to top it off... Would you ever see it as OK for someone to walk out of a relationship a week after they promised to commit their whole life to the person... and leave them literally for dead? I begged him for weeks to talk to me - he read every message on Facebook, but never replied... is that likely to be my fault?

Maybe I shouldn't be posting here... maybe he's not a narc and maybe this is all my fault. I don't know anymore.

p.s. the reason I joined so long ago was a previous relationship.. I am not sure this current ex was definitely a narc, he didn't have any overt characteristics, but he did idealise, devalue and discard me as far as I see it.