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I'm confused...questions about the narc

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#1 Sep 4 - 2PM
borderline
borderline's picture

I'm confused...questions about the narc

My narc seems very reflective like he's thinking about all the crappy stuff he's done and trying to change. And this isn't to win me back but there may be an ulterior motive. So is he just acting? Is his pride wounded enough that he feels the need to react differently? Or is it less about caring about how he hurt everyone else but really feeling the sting of losing his sources and forced to be alone? How he talks and writes he seems to understand human emotion well so that would make me think he had some right? And he seems to be putting the focus more on others or is that just a means to an end too? I know I shouldn't be trying so hard to put a label on sn abusive man. Abuse is abuse. But I'm just trying to make sense of this because I want to know what to look for in the future. Is he just a really good actor??

Sep 5 - 4PM
Nemesis
Nemesis's picture

Be careful.

Be careful. He may be just pretending to reflect on things just to get you back or to get you to feel sorry for him. Even if he isn't trying to win you back he may just be trying to con you. They get a thrill just out of knowing that they have fooled you. You are right to be suspicious. I would avoid trying too hard to make sense of this because I think that it is by confusing us that they can make us get "sucked in" again. xxx
Sep 5 - 3AM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

They are all actors

They all reflect and promise to change and it pulls on your heart strings. Because you possess all the normal emotions - they don't. It's just another ploy by these emotionless, empty shells to make some sense of it all - they really don't want to change because they ultimately get what they need without doing so. They hate being alone because it brings to the fore all their feelings of self pity, abandonment (which is our fault because they constantly inform us that they are not bad people - yeah, right) and their need for supply to fill that deep, dark hole which is their soul - so the frenzy of sourcing another (or reconnecting with a reliable ex supply) never ceases for them. I don't know any "real" person who doesn't relish some "alone" time. They hate themselves and so look for a warm, caring, strong supply to feed off to make themselves feel better and to distract themselves from exposing their inner selves. Yes, they are all actors and all deserve Oscars. Dx
Sep 4 - 5PM
whskywmn5
whskywmn5's picture

Be very wary

It isnt above him to try to win you back by proving to you how much he supposely is willing to change his ways....what better way of doing that then to make you believe that he is really beginning to think about the things he has done an is willing to work on them...Words are just that, nothing more. He will try to gain your trust again, win you back, worm his way back into your arms and heart....and boom right as you think things are going to work out, he will turn on you an I can almost assure you that it will be must worse this time than it was before, and you will have lost all the ground that you have made toward leaving him in the past.
Sep 4 - 2PM
FarmGirl
FarmGirl's picture

IMO acting out how they think

IMO acting out how they think people who are human would act is like second nature. Don't get fooled into believing they can change. Nearly everything I've read about Narcs state that they cannot be reformed easily. I was fooled twice - once after I left him 2002, once after I left him in 2005 and NEVER freakin again!!!!!!!