I'm Bitter

google Byron Katie's The Work. There are some great youtube videos of her gently guiding people out of very deep beliefs and suffering. It's about questioning your thoughts and not being stuck in the role of the victim anymore. I discovered her 2 months ago and it has really helped me to look at things from a different perspective.

Keep moving forward, Sister. The only way out is through. I am bitter too. I`m bitter that that asshole who has caused me so much pain that I`m terrified of men now has moved forward without a qualm. The only way out is through. Hugs Tigerlily

I got a message early on from my loving higher power...and the message was I wasn't going to end up bitter and angry, mad at the world and its occupants, never able or willing to let myself love again. It was cool, the way that message carried my recovery and guided me forward. The five stages of grief- Denial, Negotiation, Anger, Depression, and Acceptance. Bitterness might cover a couple of these markers. I notice I go between these stages, up and down, jumping around, it isn't always linear or definite. You might be walking through being a bitter woman in all of lifes situations. Denying while doing everything, angry while doing the same, bitter for an hour or a week, depressed for awhile...it is a process...bitter is a stage you are going through...and you might hit it again a couple of times. You're gonna have to walk through this shit to get to where you don't know you're going yet, if that makes sense. Be patient with yourself, progress not perfection. Nc along the way, as best you can with the kids. Don't use temporary feelings as an excuse to lower you committment to keeping the disordered one distant and unengaged. Don't play around with the dance of death, the band has gone home, and you'd be dancing while he was soaking up supply. Stay bitter until you get sick of it, and I'll bet you tire of it soon. Like the narc relationship, it just takes too much negative energy to live that way. My dream included by necessity a narc changing and not being such a sick disordered suckbag. Fantasy only. Look t the now and the future to realize your dreams instead of rewriting the past. Best place for a narc is in the past, think about that, use it as a meditation point, or get it tattooed on the bottom of your foot. Laugh at the fool, he blew it! Stay focused on your recovery...and you may have that moment that I did when my head came out of my ass and I knew that this devastation was the only way I could've gotten free of the stranglehold she had on me. I was living a lie, denying it, using it as an excuse for not taking care of myself, and felt stuck in purgatory for a crime I didn't commit. ds

I down myself cause I let me be so used. I don't want to hate, and yet I find myself feeling something strangely akin to it, and I feel like that makes me a bad person. I haven't let go, but at least I guess realize where some of my fears are coming from. I feel like it is all my fault one moment, then all his the next and want to just take responsibility for my own actions, but am not sure where my own responsibilities lie. Bitter. Confused. I am up, then down, I am hopeful, then hopeless. I am scared, then fearless. I can't seem to find a happy medium. I know who I was before I met my N, and I like her, but is she still there? The only thing I know for sure is that if I want any peace in my life, I have to push forward and maintain the NC rule. It will get better. I can see that for others, because there is some seperation. I see it for me sometimes, but then it fades away. Sigh, you do have the right to feel bitter, but let it go. (as I tell you this, I tell myself) in time you will move forward. You know you will. You have been through a very painful experience and it isn't always easy to just move on. So many here understand what you are going through, let them be your guide, your strength, your support. I do, even if just silently reading the other stories. They help me so much. I hope you find peace within soon, I really do. *Hugs*

I think bitterness is natural after a bitter pill. What we've had to swallow with the narc exes is a very bitter experience. I feel extremely bitter at times but what that bitterness really is is just me sticking up for a part of myself that was victimised. I think bitterness is part of the process myself and natural.