I'm afraid

It is difficult. I am sorry you went through such havoc with your ex. :=( But, during the time when you're rediscovering yourself, something truly amazing happens, when you finally get past the anger and tears. You emerge stronger. It's a gradual build up, but it does eventually happen. I never thought I'd get to the point where I wasn't angry and sad. But, I did. I learned a lot about myself, and that I have 'used' my childhood far too much for present day behaviors. I think that the narcs are nothing more in some cases, than a symptom for something for us to work on, within ourselves. You'll get there. Carry your cross, and keep the faith. Keep the faith in yourself, too. You are stronger than you think. :=)

It is perfectly normal to feel what you feel now. We all have been there at the earlier stages. Low self esteem, beating up ourselves for ignoring red flags,... It will pass with time. And with time you will also realize that you are not to blame. It is not easy to draw a fine line berween ignoring red flags and lacking tolerance. You know, "normal" people have their shortcommings too. And they can act in the way we dislike. Now what? To run away every time we face a behaviour we don't like? And it is difficult to distinguish and to thake the right actions. Unfortunately (or fortunately) there is no a set of predifined rules which can garantee a perfect outcome. You did the best you could. Now you are more aware even if you dont feel like. Your inconsious mind is more aware due to this experience. Just trust yourself, your gut, your intuition. You will be fine. Love Winter

They pick us because we are vulnerable in some way (or many ways). My marriage was on the brink, I didn't feel pretty anymore, my mother is narcissistic, and other life challenges set me up pretty well to be vulnerable for when the narc pursued me. It hurts to know how vulnerable I was. I am a strong woman. My friends view me as a strong woman as they know what trials I've been through and survived. But just because I am strong doesn't mean I didn't have a deep longing for rescue and caretaking. I just wasn't well enough aware of the intensity of the longing to know to be careful. So, when the narc came along professing true love and offering to take care of me, he was a dream come true. But as all the stories go, I found out what he truly was. This is what I wrote to him when I unmasked him: "You are always lining up the next one. She has to be successful and/or pretty, because that kind of woman or girl would make you look good. She has to be vulnerable in some way - young and unexperienced, or had major life trials that would make a married, wealthy man promising her the world seem like a fairy tale, a very trusting and caring woman who would tend to believe what you say even when the red flags start to pop up, a woman who could be duped into believing it was okay to have an affair with you and flirt with you even if you are married because, hey, your wife is so sick she's not really a wife anyway. They all are sweet girls, as I was. And you rape their minds and hearts, as you raped my soul. You are a bad, bad man. Evil. You are hell on earth."

Women who are out of their league. Mine even said to me early on " I look at you and I can't believe that such a beautiful and amazing woman would want to be with me " barf !! I felt touched by that comment at the time now I think yeah I bet you couldn't believe your luck ! No wonder he made such a fool of himself and pursued me relentlessly and put up with me basically giving him the run around for nearly a year !! They like to bring the best ones down. It is our own insecurities that they latch onto in order to manipulate us and suck us in. But from what you write you are aware of this and as hunter says a therapist could help you work on this. You do sound young and it can be tough if you are inexperienced in relationships to know the difference between what is health and what isn't. I have often said I wish I had met him when I was 20 because it would have taught me a valuable lesson at a young age but having said that I honestly don't know how I would have survived at that age and I think the damage would have been far worse. I am fortunate to have had two healthy long term relationships prior to ex n but however I still fell prey to him. I saw the red flags. My gut was off from the start. I knew his background and I ignored it all. I think if you continue educating yourself on these disordered people I think you won't ever fall victim to one again. I really don't. You feel vulnerable and bruised now we all do and it can be tough when you feel lonely and want more than anything someone to share your life with but I believe the farther away we get from this the stronger we will become. Self worth should never be measured by looks alone or money or status but by te person you are inside and after encountering a narc we truly know what we are worth and the good inside us because we have witnessed a person who has nothing inside. It is difficult facing ourselves and what caused us to fall victim to them in the first place but surely the fact that we are doing that is a good place to start and protect ourselves from these sick freaks in the future. I hope this helps a little

you feel vulnerable and afraid, then you have ccome to the right place to get your strength back....you will get all the help you need and want from US MODS..GOLDIE, HUNTER ,SPINNING JOURNEY, SCOOP AND MY SELF AND THE MEMBERS.. sometimes you will like the advice you are given sometimes you will not...some members you will relate to,some you will not...but always remember we have been where you are now, and anything is said out of love... if anyone is to much to take for you as you are very fragile , ignore them, and pm one of us mods and tell us about it.....at the moment you feel afraid and low, always come here when you do, and talk to us, we will get you thru...as i was so helped and healed when i came here ,a quivering wreck....i will never be able to stress enough how grateful i am to lisa.e scott, to the mods, and members for, not just helping me in my darkest hours, but putting me together again....and after 2 years NC, to be invited to be a mod, was one of my finest hours...MY SELF ESTEEM IS SKY HIGH, MY CONFIDENCE IS BACK... i will never let someone treat me again as he treated me....anyone who's whole conversations are..DO THIS, DO THAT, DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO......FOLLOWED BY I I I ,AND ME ME ME , is something never to be tolerated again.....love usedxxx

Honey, when you know better you do better!! Please seek a therapist.. Take each day as it comes.. I'm guessing you're young.. I'm 43. It takes a long time to get all those ducks in a row.. It also requires work.. Nothing worth while comes easy.., Baby steps... Hunter