Ignoring the N

Ignoring the N is also known as "no contact". It's true that it can enrage them or make them try harder to get a reaction. They are Narcs, and being ignored or thought as unimportant is their worst fear. It's important to be aware of what he's likely to do. Let's hope he does nothing and leaves you alone for good. More important is you getting your brain cleared up by not having to deal with him. The best thing to do is block him so you don't have to worry about it at all. If you aren't there yet, then ignoring him is the next best thing.

Mine did the same. I deleted, I havnt heard a peep!

I would like to say that by ignoring them they leave you alone but i have noticed it dosnt matter what i do he is still contacting me so i live with it and hope he dies soon . Ignoring them after a while gets easy and dare i say sometimes i even think it can be fun . My narc kept going on about how needy i was so by ignoring him kind of makes him eat his hateful words .As i said before the narc is just the gift that just keeps on giving . I didnt really get the fact that their greatest fear is abandonment because he always acted so independent ansd at the end i was an irrotent to him but when i left BOY did i get how needy he was and how he hated to be ignored . He came to my house and sat on my door step , he got lots of people to call me to ask if i was going to diffrent events , he sent his best friend to "try and talk to me ", he is still talking to people that i left him because someone else came along and "took me away " , he emails and texts , when i see him about he comes up to me and askes me questions and i walk away with out saying a word ... he even sat himself down next to me when i was on a date with someone !He stalked me at a dinner last week oh the list is endless ...but do you know what he would say if i broke NC and said "come on then narc lets give it another go "? he would say " Oh scoop you are a lovely girl but i dont think we are right for each other " see how sick he is folks ? So i stay away and i know every day that goes pass is another nail in his coffin . ...phew that reasent hover has really affected me ... i am sooo angry ...

All I want now is to keep my ex-N far, far away from my life. Because he is a predator, I did not "have the last word" during our final contact. Instead, I recognized that he tried and it just did not work out. Of course, that is not how I feel but that was a purposely boring good-bye that is unlikely to roll over in his mind and spark a return...out of passion, hatred, or whatever.

Hi Ewa, I struggle with this situation, too--and I work with the ex-N, as you probably remember. The comments here are useful: be polite and professional at work (because you have to, for the sake of your job, and because you don't care enough about him to be emotional and hostile--even if that's not true, send him that message). Can you just answer him as much as is necessary to be civil? I don't think you owe him a continual series of responses. He forfeited that privilege when he screwed you over. He will know why you are unresponsive and should accept it. And go NC because it's good for YOU. I get the same retaliation from mine that you mention but try to ignore it and pretend it doesn't bother me. Half the time now, it actually doesn't. I guess this is progress. He will react and rage, or withdraw and be silent--but this, from my experience, changes in a minute. I can never figure out what he's going to do next. But slowly, it's starting not to matter. I prepare for the reactions and expect them, as I go about my business and my life. Some days this is harder than others--he still gets to me and I feel like I'm in a perpetual game. I hope you can be strong. It is definitely not easy....

I started a thread about this very thing-our 'motivation' behind going NC. If we are going NC because we want to teach him a lesson...or hope for an apology...or hope for some type of reaction from him...then, we have to change our mindset. Likewise. If we are AFRAID to go NC because of what the narc might do or not do...again, we have to really reflect on what we want out of NC. Briseis makes it very clear in that thread. She says that going NC is just that...no contact. However we get there, it's important to stay NC. I agree. I also think that our motivation is what will cause us to MAINTAIN NC. So...do this for you. YOU don't want the bad treatment anymore. He has proven (most likely) time and time again, that he doesn't plan on treating you well, consistently. Do you believe you deserve to be treated better? Then, it doesn't matter what HE DOES. He could pout. Get enraged. Be a jerk...be nice. Who cares? It's not about him. It's about doing what is right for you, and that's ending the merry go 'round of abuse. For me, personally. I realized that the narc in my life was always going to be testing me, tormenting me...hurting me in some way. Oh yea, he could be nice on occasion. Usually when he wanted more supply, or when I'd attempt NC. But, now, after over two weeks of NC...I am not looking back. You have to get to a point, where NC becomes less about them, and more about you. WHAT YOU WANT. And what we all want here is to be abuse-free. Unfortunately, these men often don't change. So that means going NC. We can wish them well in our hearts. NC isn't to punish them, or hurt them. It's to stop the abuse. Stop the cycle. NC is often the only way to get back to a normal life, for us here. Please don't worry about him. WHAT HE DOES, IS NOT ABOUT YOU. He is a big boy. He can make his own decisions. We consume ourselves with blame. That somehow every bad thing the narc does, is because we caused it. That somehow we ticked them off soooo bad, that we deserve the bad treatment. No. WE KNOW BETTER.They have choices, and they choose their behavior. THEY CHOOSE THEIR BEHAVIOR. We don't cause it. So, please go NC...for you. I hope you have a blessed, healthy, and beautiful new year!! **hugs**

When I found out the ex-Psych professor already had a girlfriend, I basically ignored him. My interactions with him were minimal, polite, and purely academic. When he asked me for my home phone&new address (I lived in the same city), I did NOT tell him. even when he sabotaged my teacher education program, I STILL ignored him, then left the city without telling anyone. I've broken NC a few times, but he doesn't contact me. I'm about as good at giving good supply as a greasy spoon is good at giving food-borne illnesses.