If he wants to go, let him go

This one is for the newbies and for those that still have not let go.

When the narc discards you and leaves to be with another woman OR you find out that he has cheated on you with OW, LET HIM GO! I know that this is easy to say and hard to do but keep it in your mind as you walk your way to recovery.

The narc has betrayed you, cheated you, destroyed your trust by dalliances with other women and ultimately destroyed your world. You go into shock, depression, sadness etc and after much hoovering from him, you may claw your way back to him due to loneliness, fear or codependency plus you may really believe his excuses and promises of that castle in the sky so you choose to move forward with your relationship.

This was where you should have let him go. The minute someone chooses another person over your rship, it's a serious need to reassess yourself and the rship; to decide or accept that in fact there is no going back. There is a level of pride and self respect that one needs to dig up. To say " I'm better than this". To realise that keeping your family intact is doing more harm than good.

I know that I stayed because of hope and I wanted to see what would happen next. It became my daily drama. I also stayed to keep the OW away. I thought that the longer I stuck around, the less chance would be for him to stray. Funnily enough it was happening the whole time and my pseudo rship with him was just that... Pseudo! Fake! Fraud!

I forgave round 1 as I justified it to myself and I may not have been totally committed at that time BUT I didn't forgive round 2. The minute I had my proof or as close as I could muster up, I was out of there like my pants were on fire. And why? - because I chose ME over the game. I chose to feel empty and suffer what I thought was a loss, to get myself back. I lost me in the process all for a stupid relationship.

So when I say " let him go" " don't fight for the rship", I'm saying that because he chose his path and now it's time to choose yours. Choose You! Don't play a tug of war ( triangulation) with the other women. Don't give him narcisstic supply that keeps you all hooked for years to come.

LET HIM GO AND CHOOSE YOU!