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I'd really like someone to answer this.

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#1 Jun 28 - 10PM
thanameizfoxy
thanameizfoxy's picture

I'd really like someone to answer this.

So, I've posted like 2 of the same blogs. I just want to know if he'll contact so I can ignore the hell out of him.As I stated in my blogs, I've done all the "I'm done with this situation" texts and so forth. Then, I'd always be the one to initiate contact. So, he's never told me to "move forward" and so forth. Claimed he wasn't living up to my expectations/demands (which he isn't). After about 8 emotional up and down texts, he never replied. I knew he wouldn't. I knew one that he would reply too. I asked him if I could still come to his courtroom to watch. Of course, he replied back "yes, of course. I'm just done with drama." I've never caused that old ballsack any drama. Not until I told him I needed more. All of a sudden it's drama. But, since my feelings mean nothing...I just want to know if this man will try and text/call...because I want to ignore the hell out of him. I'm done with him, but I just want to at least feel like I've won by ignoring him. Yes, he told me to "move forward" and that's what I'm doing. But, I've always seemed to text him eevry 2-3 days and he probably expects that I will. Once he sees that I'm ACTUALLY done texting him and so forth, will he try and reach out? OR when a narc tells you to move forward it's over? By the way, this has only been a phone thing..he refuses to see me, for whatever reasons...It takes you to read my recent blogs for you to understand. I'd love insight on that question. Thanks. By the way...I know you all are going to say NC...and that's fine...but I want to ignore his ass, like the ball is back in my court. Thanks.

Jun 29 - 9AM
dudette
dudette's picture

No contact

because your pride and dignity ride on it! Dx
Jun 29 - 9AM (Reply to #9)
jen79
jen79's picture

dudette is right

buy an app to block his number, you will know he contacted you, but you cannot read it. Maybe thats a compromise, cause when you read the BS, he will get to you, if you want it or not. Dont waste too much time on that shit. I did it. Dont make the same mistake!
Jun 29 - 9AM
jen79
jen79's picture

I promise you he will

He will contact you again. Be prepaired, dont wait for it though, it wont give you the satisfaction you imagining now, believe me, the only satisfaction is getting all your senses and life back step by step. But I understand you so much. I promise you, he will. Maybe it will last days, weeks or even a few months, but he will contact you again.
Jun 29 - 7AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

About 9 out of 10 times they

About 9 out of 10 times they do make contact again .What we say is we should hope they leave it long enough so we can get some good healing under our belt .the average narc is a lavy rat and if you have been a proven good sorse of supply which you seem to have been by initiating contact he will get round to hovering you at some point ... Its then when you ignore him you will have youre closure and it is a sweet feeling indeed but please dont feel that will happen anytime soon , i mean he may well call tomorrow but i doubt you will ignore it as you seem very much tied in at the moment to his patherlogical ways .come over to the 1 to 3 board and we can work with you to go NC and get through the steps . My heart gose out to you and we totaly understand the anger and the grief splitting up with a psychopath brings you . I dont really thingk there is anyone on the board who , in the early days of nc didnt long for one more call from the narc .. you are not alone . Could you start by reading the board , go back through it and read all you can as that will give you good grounding on the condition ... Big love Scoop xx
Jun 29 - 12AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Foxy

A suggestion...newbies post in 1-3 generally until they have completed the steps. That is reading, educating ourselves and then going nc... Next...you are obsessing right now what his next move is going to be because you feel one upped. When we talk about getting it out, we talk about our feelings...thoughts of revenge, anger, pain, confusion all that stuff...but I am not sure if you will get a definitive answer because what most of us here are dealing with is trauma and we're tyring to get out of that loop. This was predominantly a telephone relationship. That is one based on illusion. That is a primary indicator that narcissim may be a factor...Narcs can eat up your mind, paint all kinds of pictures and suck you into a fantasy. That is what I think happened here. I suggest you read up on Narcissism and try to process it. I get you're ticked off, but the goal here is to process...once you know a bit more about Narcissism connecting the dots is easier as it relates to your specific circumstances. I suggest Sam Vaknin but keep in mind he's a psychopath but most of his stuff is spot on. Additionally there are others. Lisa's blogs are a good place to start because they are short, easy to digest and serve as a starting point for further research. What he will or will not do is not the issue here...you've already said you want to go NC. Most of us have had to accept the Narc will have the last word. Our final word is NC whether we have the last word or not so to speak. Our deciding to get off the loop regardless IS the last word. OUR silence is the last word...our going NC makes whether or not they call a moot point. YOU have a choice...you can give him more time and attention IN YOUR HEAD cause he's not thinking about you...or you can put the focus back on you and decide that's it you're drawing the line in the sand he can keep the point. Hugs!
Jun 29 - 12AM (Reply to #2)
thanameizfoxy
thanameizfoxy's picture

You're right.

You're right. I know he's not thinking about me. Gosh, I feel stupid. I just want to make him feel even worse is all. NC is just not enough for me. I mean, of course I'm happy that I no longer deal with him. But, I just want to feel like I've won with him is all. Yeah, it was a silly phone thing...but that man had my emotions in a whirl wind and he knew it.
Jun 29 - 7AM (Reply to #5)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Youre not silly , what you

Youre not silly , what you are having is a very normal reaction to a very abnormal man .. You will have the last word , and that will be silence , trust me this kills the narc , its a slow painfull death and as you enter into NC you slowly feel the see saw of power tip youre way but it dose take time . maybe do some reading up on shock and post traumatic stress dissorder which we get when leaving the narc relationship ... xx
Jun 29 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
really
really's picture

Foxy

You said, you "just want to feel like [I've] won with him..." Winning is being able to go one in your life without him in a healthy and upstanding manner. It is impossible to truly "win" any battle with an N. Their weapons and tactics are completely different from those that "normal" people have. Any offensive you launch will be directed back at yourself. It's how they work. The only way to "win" is to turn your back and establish NC. Read everything you possibly can on the topic of NPD, esp on this site. Work on getting control of your emotions and prepare yourself for the rest of life ahead.
Jun 29 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Really explained it well

As did everyone else...but especially... "It is impossible to truly "win" any battle with an N. Their weapons and tactics are completely different from those that "normal" people have. Any offensive you launch will be directed back at yourself. It's how they work."