i wasn't going to write

I wasn't going to write, and didn't want to have to write here to tell you how I am today. I thought this weekend would be okay and i could make it through. So many people here who have less time away from the narc are experiencing a better weekend than I am. All weekend long the thoughts of the ass have been on y mind. My weekend has been filled with depression, anger and anxiety. I am pissed. I feel pretty lonely. I have chosen not to date because I am not ready, and feel as though I would make bad choices in finding someone just to take the lonely feelings away. I want to be happy with myself before i date again. I am just so sick and tired of this way of living with him in my mind. I do try the tools I have learned here and else where to get out of my head and it works for seconds or min. when will it be my turn to live a happy joyous and free life. I do have much to be greatfull for, yet find it hard to see it! On the bright side I have not snooped since the last time I posted and said i did. I promised a good friend from the site that I wouldn't do it and I didn't. the good news is that I am working for the rest of the weekend so maybe that will help. I just feel nausea and anger. wanting him to reach out to me. ugh!!

ttr