I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart

xoxxo

you got to a better place last night and I hope you're doing okay today. This is a rough road but you can make it and there are a lot of people pulling for you here!

I'm so glad you talked to Lisa and are feeling "the love" around here :) I'm serious, we NEED each other, we can't do it without each other.

I am so glad your feeling better hun. Lisa and I were so worried about you yesterday. I thought we might have to hop a plane....hehe. Please know that we are all here for you. I sent you my number as well and If you are unable to reach her plz call me. Just remember that this is only one small fraction in time. Even though it seems like forever this will pass. Something and someone is waiting for you when the time is right and their life will be forever disrupted if you do anything to break this life plan. It could be a lover, a friend or even a child that is waiting for you. Always think about this before you make a move because their life depends on you. Sending you lottttttttts of luv today!!!!!!!! Betty only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

glad you have seen light at the tunnel, i was thinking of you last night,, and was thinking of myexh and exn, and was saying to my self, i understand why i mention my n, but cant understand why i mention my exh i have no feeling for him at all... then i relized i have had 2major relationships in my whole life...31yrs exh and 5 years with narc, and have been with both of these men ,while thinking i want to die... so thats what they have in common, they both made me feel so bad i wanted to die. while they were suppose to "LOVE ME ", they made me plummet to the depths of darkness... but here i am today ...free as a bird, this board means more to me than, chocalate.lol, to be able to talk to like minded people to bring us out of the darkness....I AM BLESSED. and you are too, we were all so worried about you and lisa came up trumps as always, where could we find that support 24/7... no where!!!, my i suggest if you meet anyone again, take their number dont give them yours, and you be the one to make the descion to get in touch... is that a cop out ,maybe, but thats what i would do , but i am luckier than you i am out of the game now... ime enjoying my own time, music,tv,reading,net... but that is my choice,the only love affair i have now is with my local library, or new music on my ipod.and it works for me.... if it hadnt been for this board[ thanks lisa] i would have gone back with my narc....... but i know this is the way its got to be....love alwaysxx

I am so very glad you decided to stick it out. You are an extremely tough lady and intelligent as heck. You HAVE to know that you are here for a very special reason and mission, just like the rest of us, even though you may never know what it is. This is why you must value yourself enough to go on. I can't stress enough that the pain WILL subside, and it will take its place in the back of your psyche someday, even though people here are right about it never going away completely. In its own way, the scars that remain are blessings, because they are reminders to us of who we are, and where we will never go again in our lives once we finally break the cycle of abuse. You are awesome, and never let anyone make you feel otherwise. At some point you will become an expert at recognizing when others are projecting their crap onto you, and you will be able to just say NO NO NO! obody can tell you for sure if life will turn out exactly the way you would like, getting married, and having kids, etc. But you are here for a reason, and I sincerely hope you can find your joy and peace in life so that you can make the most of the (hopefully) long life you have left.

I am very glad you decided to stick it out. Youre presence in this world is simply a BLESSING to everyone you know and touch, wether they realize it or not, so you have to keep thinking of yourself as valued. You are here for a reason, always have been. Once you are able to break this cycle of pain and abuse, and I believe you are well on the way to doing that, I think you will God will not abandon you, I promise. He may not always give you what you want, but he will give you exactly what you need. IMHO, I think you are already a mother in your heart, and you have all of these fantastic qualities, that I really have a hard time believing that a prince of a man is not out there, just waiting for you to be ready to recieve all of the wonderful things that he SINCERELY wants to give to you. It will happen eventually in its own good timing. When I was in the dark place myself, trying to maintain NC and to understand why my life, dreams, and future had all turned into a pile of crap....a friend told me that my guy was "out there somewhere, learning his own lessons, being prepared for when the time came for us to meet." Its all about timing. I don't want you to despair over the fact that you are 42. Stupidly for me, I was 27 at the time and figured it was all over, because I carried with me so much baggage. Im 35 now and finally its happened for me, but I don't in my heart believe that its gonna take 8 more years for you....I know you are worried about your fertility, I totally get that. But somehow, maybe not in the way you expect, you will get what you need. It will be alright. I think you are at rock bottom right now, and no matter what happens from here on out, you will only go up. Take very good care of yourself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You never know when you have to be on your A game to help someone else, and when you do you will feel so damn good about yourself, and say to yourself, see....that fucktard Narc had it all wrong....I AM somebody important, I AM here for a reason and its NOT to get jerked around. Please keep up the hard internal work, read, learn, pray, listen to others that have gone before. When you are on the other side of the darkness, you will feel so proud of yourself, and able to smell a psycho 100 miles away. By all means hold on tight to your dreams of a family, but in the mean time, try dating yourself some. When you fall in total love with yourself (not in the arrogant narc way, of course)then a REAL man will fall head over heels in love with you, and you will be the last woman he will ever want to date, that will be it! Keep your chin up, gal. your'e totally worth it. Its ALL ABOUT YOU NOW.

I'm so proud of you for pulling yourself out of the depths, HLS. I've been there more than once and it hurts like hell. It's hard, but you did it. Sometimes we have to dig deep, but at the end of the day, one thing I want every one of us to never forget is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE We are here for one another like no one else can be. We understand each other's struggle on a level no one else can. We must remind each other of this as well as why we're better off for having escaped the narcissist. Helping one another understand their behavior helps you see the level of their pathology. You then realize how fortunate you are for dodging a bullet! Believe me, we are so much better off without these toxic men in our lives. We will meet the right person someday. When you do, you will realize it was so worth the wait. Better to commit your life to someone deserving of your love than someone who is not deserving. I love what you said, HLS: "Please do not throw your sterling qualities away on these soul-suckers a second longer. Keep them to yourselves as long as it takes and then a worthy recipient will come along sooner or later, someone who gives back every ounce of love and goodness that you give out. Again, when we can't believe it for ourselves, we need to believe it for each other."

I was really concerned, you sounded so down. You have seen the darkness and you have survived, there are always two sides of a coin, and you just saw the dark one and as terrible strong as it might was this pull, the light side is as strong as the dark side as well - never forget that. Maybe one day, you will be one of those people who can help people out in their darkest hours, cause you have been there where there are, the best teachers and healers are the wounded. Love and Hugs!