I Want To Be Taken Care Of

I w/try to make this short. I've had RA since 15 and I am now in my 50's. My parents thought I was seeking attention so I didn't get diagnosed till age 20. I felt alone in my pain. Married at 20. For most of my marriage, he was too busy at work so I had the most of the responsibility of raising children, tending to finances & household stuff while working & volunteering etc.

Divorced him 5 years ago and entered into rs with a few men who I now recognize as P or NPD. The last one I was with for 2 years, we lived in my home in summer and then picked out a winter home for us to live in for the cold months. We had tons of fun traveling (retired), spent his money, not mine & I thought all was well until the D & D which floored me. I knew there were issues but I thought if I loved him, I would overlook his faults. apparently he could not extend me the same love. Says he thinks he MAY have loved me etc....nothing new to anyone reading this.

So I am alone again. Again, I am taking care of my house on a large piece of acreage, doing all the maintenance, making all the financial decisions. Nurturing my grown children through their life issues, car repairs, legal issues, college expenses etc.

I also have a business that I maintain.....alone.....that my X husband just walked away from. I had to bail him out financially in order not to lose this business which is thriving today. His name is off the house & business so these are now my sole responsibilities.

I'm not feeling self pity, but I do wonder when it will get easier for me. I was thinking that I wanted a man to come along side & be my help mate. I know I am capable of doing all this myself, but boy would it be great to find a man to share it with. Right now I have 0 expectations and am trying to heal myself & have faith in God to build me up and love myself.