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I snooped :(

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#1 Nov 24 - 11AM
hopefuljms
hopefuljms's picture

I snooped :(

Ok, I know I shouldn't have done it but I snooped. I don't know why I am so fixated on his life and what he is doing. To give you some background.. I was the other woman he left his wife for. We were together for 6 1/2 years and then he dumped me. It was a long distance relationship so I assumed that the reason it ended was because of the kids. So 1 1/2 years go by and he starts txting, emailing, IMing me... Tells me the same bs that all of you guys told you. We met for lunches and dinners periodically.

The last time I saw him was in December of last year. He told me how miserable he was, how he was happiest when with me, how he was going to start seeing a therapist... He then called 2 friends and told them that he realized that I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, that he wanted to marry me...

Three months later I found out he was engaged, had been for 3 years (3 months after we broke up) and I was in shock. I txted him and got no response. Well he rushed this girl to the alter and married her in August.

Well back to today. I found out this morning that she is pregnant!!! I am tettering between thinking this is hysterical (he won't be the center of attention) to feeling sick that in less than a year I went from thinking he wanted to marry me to having my entire world crumble at my feet.

This idiot has had 4 jobs in 4 years and 8 jobs in the past 10. That should tell you how big of a charmer he is. He got some naive girl 17 years younger than he is to marry him. I am sick to my stomach. I really don't know why I keep letting this happen. It is my own fault for looking.

Nov 24 - 8PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

She's a mail order bride.

She's a mail order bride. Don't worry about it. Better her than you. I feel sorry for his child. Oh and I was referring to the unborn one, not his wife. My N told me that a pregnant woman's body is gross to him. So vain... I wish I had the same mirror he uses. He really doesn't look that great. Anyway be strong and happy that you are free from him.
Nov 24 - 7PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The rush to the altar

9 years ago (therefore a year after the D&D), I read that the ex-Psych professor had gotten his tomboyish curator girlfriend pregnant, and that the wedding and the birth of her twins weren't that far apart. It was a matter of months between her being the June bride... and her having his babies. I also read that the ex-P's parents had moved in with him... he had been so proud of being on his own for once, being far from them, with them in New England and him in New Mexico... and that his parents were raising his kids. The ex-P used to love quoting to me how in "War and Peace", the narcissistic Prince Andrei is "fed up" with his wife and "disenchanted" with his marriage because she's pregnant with their first child. He said that if I had his kids, he'd be fed up and disenchanted with me. In "War and Peace",Andrei abandons his pregnant wife, heads off to fight Napoleon... and makes a return (after being assumed dead) when his wife is in labor. Because of his icy neglect and his bitterness, she dies in childbirth, her face saying "Why did you do this to me?" Andrei goes off to woo Natasha, abandons her, and she ends the engagement, which he interprets as "disloyalty." I was spared having kids with a psychopath... that is a nightmare...
Nov 24 - 3PM
ag2306
ag2306's picture

snooping

We all know that snooping is wrong but sometimes it is the only way to find out the truth. I have checked my narc's emails as I suspected that he was seeing someone else. Guess what? I was right. I have emailed her with a few home truths about him, not blaming her as I'm sure that she had no idea about me and that we were allegedly trying to put our relationship back on track. So now he is history and I've wished her good luck and all the very best. She'll need it!
Nov 24 - 1PM
ABC0311
ABC0311's picture

I was a terrible snoop

Saturday he changed his email password (AMEN!) but I just can't help myself!!! I love to snoop!! I've been keeping my eyes on his credit card statements and facebook (I know I have to stop!) I must stop, I must stop, I must stop!!!
Nov 24 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
Used
Used's picture

abc0311

that saying ,listeners never hear good of thenselves is so true, and snooping will only bring the same pain, my exh and my narc left "things" so i could see them, i ignored them, because i knew what crap it would be, by the time i done 31yrs of marriage with exh, then met narc and it started up again, i remember narc showing me who was on his precious phone once, his sister lol, and 2 male friends, and i said and when you get back home you can add all the women you have deleted ,just to show me your phone..i said that will fill your long lonely nights you loser!!!!another thing is they make a lot of it up, but when you are in it, and not thinking straight you dont relize...the things i have found out since, defy belief..talk about a fantasy world, they invented it..
Nov 24 - 12PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Snooping sucks and I have

Snooping sucks and I have yet to hear from someone who snooped and actually felt BETTER in a healthy way about themselves :D. The most you can hope for (in snooping) is to have something to GLOAT about, and gloating has it's moments but it's not stellar in the healthy self-focus department LOL. She's pregnant. That means TWO more victims. The beat goes on :( . Another person who will have a Narc for a father, another woman who will have the anguish of parenting with a Narc, trying to protect her child or ignoring the child in favor of the Narc. I see nothing but a trainwreck here. It's natural to stop and drop your jaw and stare at a trainwreck. You got off at the stop BEFORE the train wrecked, Hopeful. Thank God (or Whoever) for this. Thank your lucky stars. You were only fooled for a short time (relatively). Between you waking up to what he is and his own Narc craziness, you were spared. Pray for this poor woman and this very unfortunate child :( In the great scheme of things, YOUR loss (of him and the dream and promises) and the inevitable misery and damage the new wife and child are doomed to is not in the same league. I think any one of us who have children with a Narc, or were the child of one could attest to this.
Nov 24 - 11AM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Your lucky...

Last year I was the pregnant married wife. Happy, glowing and smiling. This year, I forced my escape from his hell, Went bankrupt, need stabilty, a new mom to a baby boy and a mother of 2 hormonal teenagers who miss their "Narc stepdad), mental raped, finacially raped, changed forever, not trusting, broken hearted, quiet (weird), lost, mad, sad and TRYING TO RECOVER. YOUR so lucky. We never know how lucky sometimes. This naive girl is NOT LUCKY. She will be just like me....SADNESS is what I feel for her. I envy you.
Nov 24 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
hopefuljms
hopefuljms's picture

blueeyes

I feel sorry for this girl as well. I know what she is heading into. I agree, I am very lucky to have escaped the nightmare and thanfully he lives far away!!
Nov 24 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

hopefuljms

:( What's also sad about this is the illusion they create takes a while to disapate. So, we as humans think "is he happier without me? OR is this me?" Of course we know better but it still hurts no matter what. Pain is pain. :( Your lucky in my eyes only in my current state. No one person is lucky to have ever encountered this man! So sad!
Nov 24 - 11AM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Your lucky...

Last year I was the pregnant married wife. Happy, glowing and smiling. This year, I forced my escape from his hell, Went bankrupt, need stabilty, a new mom to a baby boy and a mother of 2 hormonal teenagers who miss their "Narc stepdad), mental raped, finacially raped, changed forever, not trusting, broken hearted, quiet (weird), lost, mad, sad and TRYING TO RECOVER. YOUR so lucky. We never know how lucky sometimes. This naive girl is NOT LUCKY. She will be just like me....SADNESS is what I feel for her. I envy you.
Nov 24 - 11AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Be happy

That married pregnant girl ain't you!...you snooped you saw...now how do we process that information... Would life really be better with you married and preggers while he carries on with some other woman? You know a leopard doesn't change his spots. Tomorrow on thanksgivng, accept the honors of slicing the turkey...picture him, slice that bird up and eat him!... (smile) He's not worth it...