I quit

i don't know about those drugs...um...why are you posting this...

I felt/feel the same way. You are not alone. I have had two days from HELL in a row. But, ya know what? We are already dead on the inside that's why we are here. We don't have to remain dead on the inside anymore. We don't have to let them "kill" us any further than they already have. They don't care if we feel dead on the inside and they don't care if we were gone. Acceptance, I think, may be our answer. I don't know? "Acceptance in recovery necessitates enduring those things that you cannot change." I read that once somewhere and can't remember where so I can't actually quote where it came from. I remembered that saying just a few minutes ago and hung it on my desk. Will it "cure" me or us in the long run....probably. Will it cure us for the moment, not sure. What I am sure of (or at least what I have to believe) that this too shall pass and we will come out stronger and better and healthier once we reach the other side of this horrible course we are on. I think it's about changing the course. It's like looking at a compass and if that compass is pointing South then lets change direction and try North for awhile and see where that leads. Again, I don't know. I, too, am a complete wreck today. Yes, an escape would be awesome but all that is is a bandaid when we need a full body cast. Get on board with me and lets turn our thoughts around. We are strong, wonderful, beautiful, caring people. For today, I am going to remind myself of that. And as I remind myself of that I am going to send those same exact caring, loving thoughts your way. Let's endure together!!!

Moon, I was there as well, and trust me, if you stay away from people who cause you pain, the pain eventually subsides. N fathers do the underlying damage that make N partner abuse so painful. I'm really glad to see that this really is a supportive forum. Feelings of suicide are often a result of n/p abuse and it simply is what it is. Sometimes just knowing that people out here in this place are going to be here to listen and support you, makes such a huge difference. I hope this feeling passes and you get through it and past it.

I have had so many moments like the one you're describing, and I know exactly how you feel. But it gets better! I promise! Everyone here is in your corner, fighting the same fight you are! Don't give up!! Whenever I feel really really low, I think about the quote at the end of the movie "Gaslight" where she has figured out what her husband has been doing to her. The man who helps her out of the situation says, "Sometimes when the sun rises, it's hard to believe there ever was a night." You'll start to catch little glimpses of sunlight, and then before you know it, whole days where you're unaffected by that monster. Soon enough, it'll be a memory that triggers less and less emotion. Don't give up! Please! PM me, if you'd like. I know that so many of us on here are willing to talk you through whatever you're feeling right now. Don't give up! :-)

Death is the easy way out. That's the grief talking to you. That isn't you. That's the sadness, in your ear. Besides, we're all going to go, one day. That will take care of itself. Let that point be a little farther off in the distance. You know, on the off chance that you have much more important things yet to accomplish! Let God decide when it's your time. For now, accept the challenges he/she/it has given you, with open arms. Let the lessons change your life. So that you may live it louder, fuller, and feel it more richly. Live in color. The ups, the downs, take it all- and MAKE it all worthwhile. Come what may, you CAN handle it. This is just one moment in time. You will get past this moment, and you don't have to do it alone. xo

Oh, noooooo, 13moons13! ...asking the universe for strength and support for you. Please take Goldie's offer and post on here ASAP.

I am praying that the morning has found you feeling better. Your life is precious. I am Christian so I am praying that you will go to someone for help. Please know that you are loved. Run4it

You've been through hell but please be strong. Flush those pills away. You are at rock bottom now - but sometimes we have to reach rock bottom for things to get better. Life sometimes just throws us so much crap we wonder if we can carry on. BUT life is never static and always changes. It won't always be this bad - there will be better times ahead I promise. Just think of happy times with your children and focus on the people who do care. We're all here for you on this forum. Not sure what country you're in but in the UK you can call the samaritans. Don;t let that awful narc have so much power over you to destroy your life. Go NC and then you will have a chance of meeting people who are better for you and will make you happier. Take care x

You need to flush all those pills down the toilet, because there's not a narc in the world that is worth that kind of escape -- especially when you have kids! I know you said somehow you'll pull through, but just in case you were even a little bit serious about the pills, please visit http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org