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I need your advice

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#1 Mar 16 - 6PM
herlatestvictim
herlatestvictim's picture

I need your advice

I met my N at work. We are both women. She didn't know I was a lesbian when she began stalking me, she likes the challenge of seducing straight women. I later found out that she has a history of preying on women at work and laughs when they end up in therapy. To make a long story short, our relationship was always just emotional, highly charged, intensely emotional. Never physical, except for hugs.

To make a long story short, 2 months into it I found out she her "roommate" was her girlfriend of almost 2 years, though she still insists that she is just a roommate (LIE). I was already completely in love at that point and didn't end it.

2 months after that, I learned that she was having a relationship with a straight girl at work. We ALL work together! She continues to lie and say it's over but it's not. I watch this other woman going through the roller coaster of emotions that I used to... I say used to because I am totally aware that she has NPD. She fits everything about NPD perfectly. It still hurts terribly.

I try to distance myself from her, but she always comes after me. Flowery words, love talk, etc... I don't think one day has passed in the past 8 months that we haven't spoke, texted, etc... I can't do the no contact thing because we see each other 40 hours per week. She acts out at work when I ignore her which embarasses me and hurts me.

How can I disengage emotionally? I need my feelings for her to die. I can't watch her continue to do this with the other woman, even though she denies it... I can't quit my job, I can't transfer, in this economy it is simply not an option..

How can I cope at work? I'm in so much pain and have to hide it. How can I create emotional distance?

Mar 17 - 3PM
herlatestvictim
herlatestvictim's picture

It gets worse!

Thanks for the advice everyone! My N just got caught by the other woman in our department... she now knows about me now. I have known about her for months but she thought she was the only one. Poor thing is a mess. Of course N is trying to use this opportunity to pretend to strengthen our bond. I have to keep reminding myself that everything she says is a lie. I mean nothing to her but NS. I have done really well today with keeping the emotion out of any conversations. I am practicing being a robot. Unfortunately, I think this is just presenting her with a challenge.
Mar 17 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

herlatestvictim

she will bait you with all sorts of nonsense, accusations, etc... BE A ROBOT - none of it means ANYTHING more than to get a REACTION from you! ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 17 - 3AM
rache
rache's picture

Hard

but,the way i did it was accept the TRUTH of what they are,and,decide IF that is what i was willing to settle for,and,settle is what it would be-for a lying,cheating,abusive person.My answer was that i am not willing to accept that,and,it was easy to say FK you!
Mar 17 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Then they try to convince you it is actually good so accept less

Then they try to convince you to accept and desire (more than commitment) a cheating, lying, depraved relationship with them, moreso than a commited one,,, "Can we talk" ie,,couldn't you just consider me using you for sex. After you expose them, they want to consider their alternatives with you like a used car salesman "couldn't you just see yourself f'ing me in the car for fun,,just for fun?"
Mar 17 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
rache
rache's picture

Amazed

H.ll yeah! You got that right.IF,all we wanted was a fk buddy we'd have a different one every night=like THEM! But no-we have morals,so,why the ~DRAMA~ about loving a WHOREMONGER,ugh.....
Mar 16 - 7PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Been there big time herlatestvictim

Been there big time,,my guy at work was an N, he had me entrapted, and ensnared emotioanlly at work for over 3 years. The rollercoaster of maniuplation, comments he would make, alluring gestures, slaps on my ass, sexy comments, keep me always constantly on edge, and he would provoke others way beyond their boundaries also, he know it, he knew every second what he was doing,, Had one eye on the computer, the other eye at the door, to defend myself, or brace myself emotionally. I though we were building a life together, it was very intense, romantic, sweet, loving, had some questions about his practices (couldn't get together on the weekends) but we were with each other at work, and thought it was just a matter of time until he would fully "let me in". Well I discovered all the while we were dating, that he was indeed living with another woman! He concealed it very well, hard to do,,he texted me every morning at 7am,,while on his way to work sexy things,,at work he would kiss me,,text me during work (arr!!!) take me to lunch,,he would allure me in many wrong ways, didn't know how to cope... Told me everynight he was going home, and would text me good night every night,,he did all this from another woman's home,, I will save some of the details, I was devastated, and had to work with this jerk. I was disgussed. It just about ruined me personally, professionally, psychologically, oh the mind games are unphathomable, and got worse. Oh it is horrible. You have to go NC. Do not talk to them, don't look at them, don't respond, they are not human, what he has done to me is not human, sounds like what your love has don't to you is way off base too, and wrong in how they treated you being so dishonest. If you can, I don't know how bad it is for you,,but see if you can get out of their environment totally. I mean totally. It is next to impossible to work in any sort of functional work environment with the N personality. It causes so much havoc, tension, frustration, lack of productivity, see if you can move to another office if at all possible. You will be sooooo glad. Otherwise, go NC. Seriously, No discussion, talk to a supervisor if you need to also.
Mar 16 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

herlatestvictim

be a robot with her, NO EMOTIONAL CONTENT... save your upset and tears for places she can NOT find or see you... this may help too: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/28/emotional-memory-management get with a Trauma Counselor immediately!! You're going to need it. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims