I need to vent before I explode!

Migraine day 4 because of my ex N/dickhead/co-worker.

He still has some of my stuff at him place... he only gave me back about half of it last week.

Wednesday and Thursday night he walks around work acting with me like we aren't broken up - he started this after he dumped me and he was done with the silent treatment. Slapping me over and over with twizzler because I didn't take one from him.
Talks about stupid crap like next time I come over I should wear a hair net (he has a long hair phobia), he's tired of finding my hair all over his place. He found a hair in his eggs and I hadn't been there in weeks... too bad he didn't choke on it.

But for shits and giggles...Let's recap here - YOU dumped me and told me we could only be work buddies and I wasn't going to be coming to your house to get my stuff or for any other reason ever again. But now I need a hair net?

He emailed me yesterday while he was drunk - JUST to ask what I was doing. I didn't reply of course.

The night starts off with my one boss asking me how I'm doing. I told him my ex is getting on my nerves with his bitchy attitude with everyone. He says "Well he IS happier when you're around... he needs you as a friend". After he tore out my heart and shit in the big gaping hole left behind, HE needs a friend?? Are you KIDDING ME? That was a beautiful beginning to a stellar night.

Right before our meeting started he starts talking about this movie were were supposed to see together. Gee thanks for spoiling it for me AND rubbing it in my nose that WE didn't see YET another movie together that we had planned on seeing.

He heard me talking to one of the girls about my garden... so he says in front of other people "So when you're in the garden, do you wear a bikini? That dick knows I don't. I have horrible pregnancy stretch marks on my belly. As IF! Rub it in why don't you? Man I scowled at him for that.

He starts telling me his cat is being mean to him and attacking him out of nowhere and it's because he misses me. He KNOWS I love and miss that cat!

He wore a muscle shirt last night and flexes then lifts his shirt to show me his belly and says "Sexy huh? I got a tan this weekend at the beach. I know you like it."
That MFer! He KNOWS it pisses me off that he would never take me to the beach with him AND he KNOWS I like his body. He's very buff. I kept it together and rolled my eyes, left and let him gloat to himself.

He was whining about people picking on him... calling him an asshole, joking about him being gay. I almost said "Yes, you're very popular around here. They have plenty of pet names for you." Again I bit my tongue, but I DID say "Really? I thought I was very good to you... too bad you tossed away your only fan like a piece of trash". He gave me the dirtiest look and I said "Don't look at me like that. Tell me I'm wrong". He said nothing and walked away. Scolding them like misbehaving child seems to work well.

He drank some water and squirts it out at me... of course a month ago, I'd have found that hilarious... but right now it just makes me want to slap the stupid out of him.

I was so pissed off by last break last night...and he's chasing me asking, "What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?" Are you freaking kidding me?! All I could say was "Do me a favor and bugger off". He kept it up and asked what he did... I said "Nothing, just go the hell away". So he continues... "Did I do something today?"
Thankfully he needed to use the washroom... he stopped chasing me and I went outside to my car for break.

God grant me strength for I'm going to lose my mind having to listen to this fuck nut.

Maybe he's not a narcissist.. MAYBE he's just a retard!
No offense to anyone with mental retardation intended.