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  5. I need a short sharp kick up the backside!!!!

I need a short sharp kick up the backside!!!!

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#1 May 26 - 12PM
desprathousewife
desprathousewife's picture

I need a short sharp kick up the backside!!!!

I've read patiencegoals post re wanting to fuck her narc one last time, although I in no way have that same urge with my ex P, I did a real stupid thing last night. This new guy I've started dating (that I have had a few concerns about) invited me to his house yesterday evening. I ummmed and ahhhed as we had arranged to see each other next Monday (I'm TRYING to take it slow). But I went. I had a fantastic evening, wine....a little too much....ahhh sorry Journey. I listened to him talk and kept thinking 'I'm being too hard on this guy, he seems so caring, genuine and pretty bowled over by me. I slept over, as planned, but he had promised to be a gent and he was TOTALLY. It was ME that instigated sex. Not last night, I was a little too worse for wear and just slept in his arms, but I wanted him so bad this morning I threw all caution to the wind and encouraged him. He's been making me feel SO special, saying such wonderful flattering things to me. I feel so comfortable with him and its been so LONG since I've been with anyone. The last was my ex P ten months ago and I guess in a way I wanted to see if I could with another man and it was SO EASY!

I don't feel bad exactly about making love, although I guess after only knowing him for 3 weeks it is a bit soon, I'm cross that it didn't even enter my head to use protection...WTF? I'm 44 for goodness sake, know all the risks, this guy has shown me a few flags that may or may not be red ones and then I go and do something stupid like this. I really didnt even think about it until I've come back and read the resposes to patiencegoals post and now I feel rediculous?

I'll make sure I use something from here on in, he didn't uhhh hum come inside me, but will I now need to go and get checked out do you think? And should I ask him to as well in case this relationship does carry on?

As you can see, I'm not as good as I thought at learning from past mistakes, although I've never contracted an STD before. I've been so caught up in trying to fathom out whether this guy is a PD it's left the rest of my brain desolate GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

May 26 - 6PM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Oh desprat...so glad my

Oh desprat...so glad my anguished post helped someone...at least I THINK it helped you. We are about the same age you and I. They say we are at peak sexual prime now LOL. I'm also a sex maniac in general. BUT and this is a big BUT...I now know how incredibly, ridiculously, and overwhelmingly powerful the act of sex is, and sex with a narc is a drug that I have to be torn from kicking and screaming so hard you'd think I was in need of an exorcism. I am in need of one. You may be as well. You really think three weeks is a short period of time? I don't. I think three weeks with a narc, however, is three weeks too much. what happened in the intimacy dept. in terms of what he expressed to you during sex...did he say I love you or anything like that? and yes you know the answer to your question of course he should be wearing a condom and if this continues you need to see real proof that he has been tested for all STD"s. Please be careful, please.
May 28 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
desprathousewife
desprathousewife's picture

It woke me up patience

And I can't thank you enough for that! Yeah I've been stupid, I've explained my feelings to him too and he thinks we both got carried away we will not be practicing unsafe sex until he's been tested ( I dont need to, did that during my relationship with my P as I got an infection, just a common one like thrush, but I made sure they checked me out completely at the time to be on the safe side :) As to what happened, errrr I ravaged him LOL.... laying in his arms all night and waking up next to him was just too much for me to handle I'm afraid. He didnt tell me he loved me exactly, I'd warned him that was a HUGE red flag so early on, else he may well have. He did tell me how strong his feelings were for me though and how he'd never felt so intune with someone he hadn't known for very long. How relaxed he felt with me and stuff like I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met and he made me feel a million dollars....damned ego grrrrr But, in his defence I've had that before in a couple of relationships with non PD'd men. My ex husband who I was with for 18 years and was definately NOT disordered told me he loved me after a few days. I don't necessarily think that is just reserved for the nutjobs only ? It will be what happens in the future that counts. I've decided to give him a break a little. I do put pressure on him because of what has happened to me, but he knows I'm strong in my convictions and if he gives me any MAJOR doubts I will be running for the hills. I guess I just want to trust a little now and run with it.....and most importantly ENJOY it. I don't want to spoil this (GRRRR I was gonna write HONEYMOON PERIOD) ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Thanks for caring Patience, I'm really touched xxxx
May 28 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Despy...alright...go for it I

Despy...alright...go for it I guess. That's a big "I guess". I just don't get all the business with the boss and the restaurant scene with the phone pics and asking you to lie. I guess you will really keep your eyes open and keep coming here and telling us what's happening. Hugs!
May 26 - 4PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

It happens...I think it

It happens...I think it sounds like you had a very romantic evening. But, I want to ask you one thing. Has this man said...I am falling in love with you, yet? If so...I'm sorry...he's a narcissist. 3 weeks, and to be 'bowled' over. I think you are probably fabulous. But, when men move very quickly...it's a red flag. I hate to sound so...jaded. :=( I'm dating a guy now. We have known each other for years, as friends. He's a solid standup guy. He does have feelings for me, but we've known each other for eons. I say this, because the guy I was with before him, the narc...he told me he loved me and saw a long future with me, after THREE WEEKS. And I kept rolling with it...like it was a runaway train. Just PLEASE be careful. Continue on with your eyes and ears open. That's all I suggest. ALL OF US WERE WOWED BY THE NARCS VERY EARLY ON. They move fast. They don't take their time to get to know women/men. They want to attach too soon...make you feel like you've been dating for a thousand years, when you haven't. JUST PLEASE BE CAREFUL. I will be praying that this works out. {{hugs}}
May 26 - 4PM
Journey
Journey's picture

I just replied a comment in

I just replied a comment in your other thread but I didn't mention that I did the same thing regarding not using protection the first time cause I wanted to mention it here instead. I freaked just as you did after and when I mentioned my concern to him he assured me he was 'clean' and I didn't have to worry. How foolish can we be? Really, we are grown woman and yet allowed our desire for them to have a power over us to make us forget or ignore taking such basic precautionary measures to protect our very lives... So that leaves me wondering, what exactly do we ignore as unimportant or 'forget' to do to protect our vulnerable hearts when faced with such desire? hmmm...

Journey on...

May 26 - 2PM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

go get checked...it's the

go get checked...it's the smart thing to do it's embarrassing but an std is much worse than the embarrassment