Last year, I briefly broke NC with the ex-P, saying I was doing an article about vegetarians. Rest assured, I didn't freak out or send him angry missives when he didn't respond. I didn't even bother to call.
Then I realized I was planning his rejection anyhow,it would've been a one sentence email-
"You're not famous enough."
The ex-Psych professor's father has been on NPR several times, interviewed in the Boston Globe as well as DISCOVER magazine. Brilliant guy, whose students adore him.
I had the ex-P's rejection planned in advance. There ARE famous vegetarians, such as Cora Diamond (who was his mentor at the University of Virginia)... he STOLE her ideas. He's not a famous vegetarian.
NO we don't...it is impossible because the FACT is, we were in love with an illusion...
That is the source of all our convuluded emotions...a shock to the mind, heart and soul.
NO we REALLY don't care about them.
Sad, but true.
The ex-Psych professor said it early on, saying I "didn't love the REAL him." After the D&D, he said "You don't appreciate my masks" (believe me, this line is so laughed at on another messageboard he'd curl up&die)
For me at least, I DID care about him. I was empathic enough to sense his fears, his insecurities and yes, his vulnerabilities. I wanted him to enjoy happiness, success, even if it wasn't with ME. He struck me as a deeply unhappy, paranoid, self-destructive man and like any good Christian, I wanted him to see the light and be converted... after all, Paul and Augustine were self-centered before their conversions!
Then I realized when I've broken NC with him (he hasn't with me over the past decade, so no nasty emails to share,and he was way too 19th century for texting)... I've treated him in ways I would NOT treat my ex-N boss. I respected my ex-N boss, because he had some respect for me. He had some remorse. Does that excuse his bad behavior? No way. But I would not treat him with the utter callousness of the ex-P.
I don't ask the ex-P how he's feeling. I don't tell him I've missed him... perhaps I'm only perfecting my aim...lol... I ridicule him in ways I would NOT ridicule others who have wronged me. The last time I broke NC, I was chuckling. Gleefully. I USED to care about how the ex-P felt, if he approved of me, if I was acting appropriately... and now I don't give a damn. I treat his personal boundaries the same way General William Tecumseh Sherman treated Atlanta.
I don't ask for his opinion.
I don't ask about his feelings.
I merely wish him well, after engaging in some ridicule and flaunting some happiness.
Perhaps that's why he has stayed NC, thank God!
We did care, but not anymore. We cared when we thought they were real. Once their mask comes off and we realize they are nothing but a fraud, there is no point in caring. It's a waste of our time. We are way too good to exert any energy over phonies and losers. We must remind ourselves of this.
Like Michele said, we loved an illusion of them, not them. We never would have fallen in love with them if they would have shown their true colors from the get-go.
They are nothing but losers and we have no time for losers! Isn't that a line from the song "We are the Champions"? We should repeat that over and over again...
"No time for losers
Cause we are the Champions
Of the World!" :)
goodness. this is true 'once their masks comes off and we realize they are nothing but a fraud,,,,'. His mask fell off way before we split up. I then started not to care about him, HE KNEW, then thats when he started to leave a bit earlier, start arguments, made me look like a stupid little girl and much more. Why would i waste my time on a fraud? I KNEW months before that this was not going to go ANYWHERE. Thats when i started to emotionally break down. I then just had to put up with the hovering, him checking my mobile, turning up out of the blue, phone calls through the night, and i could go on could go on and on. I had NO time for this loser.
I cared about him probably more than anyone I have ever been involved with in my life - but it was the man he pretended to be. If we did not care, they would have no ability to hurt us in this most damaging way. But it was the illusion, the prince charming we had all been programed to believe in. They must have been watching all those disney movies too and seeing the big 'IN' to a girls fairy tale. But now, hell no I d on't give a shit at all. (to be blunt) except seeing how it all turns out for him in the end. That I do hope to hear about from far, far away:)
almostlydia
Bahumbug!
Bambi had not a shot given the early abandonment issues due to his mothers death
Snow White-well who in the hell lives with seven short men? There had to be some subliminal sexual connotation there...closeted sex addict perhaps?
Cinderella-the abuse at the hands of her step mother and a father who was essentially emotionally castrated left her no other alternative to be co-dependent
Pinocchio - ONE DAY YOU'LL BE A REAL BOY...chilling screams NARC everywhere
Dumbo - that poor elephant, he's probably locked up somewhere on a thorazine drip...who could possibly put up with such bullying unscathed?
Shall I go on?
LMAO!
The brain washing started very early on I presume....
Raise my glass to that, so true M. It is the illusion we fall in love with.
I didn't realize this until a short while ago but now I keep repeating it over and over.
Thanks for the post!
Playedwithfire
"You're not famous enough"
do we care
yes,very very true
The fact is...
Not really caring about them...
Exactly
Oh my
Exactly
almostlydia
DISNEY MOVIES!!
Agreed.
I totally agree, so true.
Playedwithfire
Thanks Lisa...And thanks for
Thanks for being here